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ADHD Diagnosis and Treatment is Imperative for Relationships and Self!

ADHD can have devastating effects on relationships and self satisfaction

November 18th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Love

I have written posts indicating that ADHD is not always the culprit in a broken relationship. I sincerely do not believe everything and anything is the fault, or should be blamed on an ADHD partner.

However, with that said:

ADHD can have devastating effects on relationships. I don’t think that’s a secret. Still, if anyone with ADHD is in a relationship and has avoided seeking help or proper treatment, or has been uncertain if doing so will help, then my best suggestion is to seek treatment because, yes, your ADHD could certainly be the cause of relationship hardships, or it could be complicating an otherwise beautiful, worth-it relationship.

Diagnosis with proper treatment will not only help make relationships better and more fulfilling, but proper treatment can make one’s entire life more rewarding and satisfying.

Diagnosis with proper treatment equals more out of life!

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10 Simple Tips on Writing a Memoir

Also Looking for a Literary Publishing Agent

November 16th, 2009 · 002 Boy's Struggle

writer

The reception of my memoir One Boy’s Struggle by people with ADHD and without ADHD alike, and professionals, has been phenomenal.

As most anyone knows, who has been reading my blog, you know I did not originally intend to publish. It all started as a therapeutic effort on my part to get my thoughts and experiences out of my head and on paper, something I could read back to myself and make sense of it all. Well, while I was making sense of my life I started to include all the things I believed would have helped me had it been known that I had ADD (ADHD), and while I did that, it was then that I decided, or rather, it came to me that I needed to share my life with you. It was not an easy decision, but I know it was the right decision. 

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Goodbye

Is Goodbye the New Hello?

November 13th, 2009 · Love

True love, with the right person, at the right time, as unpredictable as that may be, can be, and I believe is, the best self-medication the universe has ever created!

The last month or so I have been writing rather frequently about love, relationships and the connection to us ADDers in general, from my point of view. I don’t know exactly why I started this indulgence; therefore, to answer a lot of emails in one post, the answer I come up with, and believe the closest to my true motivation, is that I enjoy it. I take pleasure in writing about love and relationship, probably more than I enjoy writing about anything else. It’s self-indulgence, I know. Forgive me.

It seems though, that many of you have found connections in the posts I write and that means a lot to me.

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If ADHD were fully controllable then it wouldn’t be ADHD

It is like the tide of an ocean controlled by the Moon

November 9th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Love

In relationships there’s a lot of give and take. You give some, you take some and you give some more. It’s a simple and necessary principle of reciprocation.

The above sentence could just about start out any relationship book, but it’s not a very good starting point for a book about ADHD, love, relationships and sex – you know, together. ADHD brings something to a relationship which is unpredictable, frustrating and exciting and, even a bit intimidating from time to time.

I think it is a good guess that most people would enjoy stability in their relationship, with someone who is dependable, reliable and in this way somewhat predictable. However, although people with ADHD can be dependable and reliable to a degree, they can hardly be predictable, at least not from month to month and especially not from year to year.

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Top Ten 10 Do and Don’t with your ADD ADHD partner

Just some simple tips and suggestions for being with an ADHD partner

November 8th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, 4 Men, 4 women, Love

Here’s a top ten list I have put together of things to do and NOT do with your ADHD partner:

Do not:

  1. Do not play parent (motherly or fatherly)
  2. Do not take on the sole responsibility of trying to correct his or her behavior
  3. Do not blame every aspect of the relationship which might be damaged on his or her ADHD
  4. Do not make statements which are demeaning with the hope that it will spark his or her attention that they must make corrective efforts.
  5. Do not say things like: “This is the right way to do this or that.” Or “That’s not the way things should be done.”
  6. Do not take his or her hyper focusing on projects or people, places or things personally. Hyper focusing is not about your relationship directly or indirectly, it’s a difficult to control or much less, predict, trait of ADHD.
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Love and ADHD a Bittersweet Reality

To be loved. Can I be loved? Am I lovable? It is Complicated!

November 5th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Love

To be loved.

Can I be loved? Am I lovable?

Have you ever asked those questions of yourself?

Have you ever stayed up nights, wondering why - why can’t I be loved?

ADHD often seems like a bittersweet reality.

Many of us are creative, we are exciting and we can find things to do when the rest of those around us are bored out of their minds and yet, and this is the part that hurts, no matter how exciting we may be, how much we can liven up a boring moment for others, or how creative we may be, we all too often still feel lonely. So lonely, and then it comes, like a shadow from the dark corner, it spreads so slowly, then wraps itself around us, at first it feels warm and comforting, but it is not an afterglow, it is sadness, which after time may become misery.

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Lost Friends and Lost Lovers and Life Thereafter

The Moments in our Memories that Last Forever

October 30th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Love

Have you ever had relationships, so strong, so powerful, and ever so meaningful, that after that special person, or people, left, parts of yourself left too?

There are times when you can still feel them nearby, as if they are right there – you can almost touch them, but only, only, almost – fleetingly, across the sky, like a shooting star or a floating cloud.

When we are alone, unexpectedly, we may start thinking about them for no reason at all and, we miss them so deeply, so much it hurts ever so painfully, it brings tears to our eyes and we wonder why – ?

Just this topic alone, it brings up their memories so vividly.

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Breaking Up can be The Right Thing to do

Bad relationships are not always the fault of the person with ADHD

October 26th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts

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Sometimes a relationship needs to end

In today’s world it seems we are obsessed with couples counseling, relationship solutions and even medication that will make a partner behave better for the needs of another. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for improving relationships and finding the middle of the road that may help two people get their spark back, and recover long lost reasons for being together in the first place. And yet, there could come a point when we realize it just isn’t meant to be and we lose valuable time not admitting this.

I know, I have done it and I had a significant amount of emotional and mental investment, which I did not want to give up on. In the end it was the only solution that really, truly worked. To end it. It was the right decision, although one of the most painful and exhausting I have ever made. Today I am happily married and feel very fortunate for it.

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ADHD and Narcissism

October 23rd, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Myths about ADD ADHD

 

People with ADHD have enough problems without being compared to evil tyrants.

There are few things which upset me more than when someone with ADHD is called narcissistic. I compare the term closer to a curse word more than anything else when used to describe someone with ADHD.

Several rulers of the past who sought world domination are often described as the embodiment of narcissism. I agree with that, I go a step further and hazard to believe that they may have had narcissistic personality disorder, among other issues. We also tend to think of such rulers as evil, and why not, they utterly destroyed lives and ways of living. They deserved such terms; they earned them in various horrible, deceitful ways.

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Who doesn’t want to fall in love forever?

October 20th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts, Love

Just a fantasy?

Who doesn’t want to fall in love forever? Who doesn’t want to meet that perfect person, that person who makes us feel whole, that person who makes us feel wonderful and beautiful?

Who doesn’t want to meet that person, you know who I am talking about, that person who understands who we are inside, who understands our ways of doing things, who understands the whys, the how’s and the frustrations, the temptations and the never ending contemplations?!

Who doesn’t? Who doesn’t want to meet that perfect, accepting person?

Out there, in the word, somewhere, that person is there, looking too, for acceptance, understanding and compassion, sympathy and reliability. We believe that, we have to - if we don’t – what else is there? Nothing else seems to matter, but then…

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ADD & Loving It Documentary online hosted by Patrick McKenna

October 19th, 2009 · 03 ADD ADHD Fraud, 4 Men, 4 women

This is by far the best video on ADHD, what it really is, that I have watched. It’s nearly an hour long, but it is well worth your time, which will pass much faster than you expect thanks to Patrick’s charming tour. The last few minutes will be especially helpful to anyone worried about the safety of ADHD medication and why it’s worth it to be treated properly. Here’s the link to the video (wish I could embed it here):

Click here to go watch the video!

Thanks to Brian, a member of our ADDer World ADHD Social Network for pointing out this video to me and our members! And thank you Patrick McKenna for making this video for the rest of us!

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Impulsiveness meets Passion meets Infatuation meets Love?

October 15th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts

So Special – So Sweet.

There comes a moment, a moment in time when you meet someone, someone so special; there is no other who can compare, no words can describe, but inside you, you know that this is the one – oh yes, sweet, delicious, luscious, YES!

Every heartbeat exemplifies. This one, this oh, oh, so perfect one, who’s mere existence explains why the world exists, why the sun comes up and why the stars twinkle.

This person smiles so brightly, has such kind words to say, wants to see you each and every day. Heaven is everywhere, all around you, within you. You can’t sleep, much less think of anything, or anyone, else. The world is new – there is finally reason to the madness and everything, everything is so gloriously clear, finally, at long last.

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Sweet Destiny

October 14th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts

…reach for the stars and I hope you actually reach high enough to put one of them into your pocket…

Should I dream? Should I aspire? Should I want for more? To be more? Should I lift myself up after falling? Should I try again and again?

We have heroes, they inspire us, they motivate us and yet, only a fraction, a measly percentage of people will accomplish even a fraction of what their heroes have achieved and accomplished. The dream then, it would seem, is too big and unforgiving. The challenge perhaps then is to have a dream at all, for we know not how far we will go and along the way there will be many who tell us we are trying too hard, we want it too much, that we will only hurt ourselves, after all, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Remember, and read this well, only a very small fraction actually reach the heights of our heroes.

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Gossip Boys

October 9th, 2009 · 01 My Thoughts

 

Adriana was a very beautiful girl, so beautiful that she took my breath away from the very first moment I saw her. She was a very nice girl too and quite smart, she probably still is, but I haven’t seen or heard from her in over 2 decades.

I was sitting at the back of the school bus, with a few friends, as we returned home. Adriana was a few rows up from me, facing my way. I wanted to meet her. She was the new kid in town and I thought nobody knew her yet. She seemed pleasant enough and always had such a nice, even comforting, smile on her face.

She looked at me, she smiled and she turned her head down shyly.

What did that mean?

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