Finding, Falling and Staying in love
A couple years ago I wrote a book about love: “Finding, falling and staying in love”. It has never been published and to be honest I have not attempted to have it published, but for some reason I was clicking through the folders on my hard drive and I came upon it the other day. I opened it up and started reading it for the first time in a couple years. I finished writing it in 2005, before I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. While reading it I realized something I had not considered before. The book is written from my ADDer perspective and it could be of service to my readers on Adder World.
The more I thought about it and the more I read it, I was overwhelmed with emotions and kind of choked myself up. Yeah, I know—pathetic right? Well, you know what—when there is something different about you and you don’t know what it is, it can be frustrating and even depressing at times—seemingly pathetic. Living a life with undiagnosed ADD is that way – heck, that’s why I wrote “One Boy’s Struggle”. Finding, falling and staying in love with the love of my life, my wife Joan inspired me to write the book and all the frustrating experiences I had before I met her and what I learned from those experiences – I now understand that those are the lessons from an ADDer’s perspective. I am starting to believe that “Finding, falling and staying in love” has great value, mostly to fellow ADDer’s, but also for those living misunderstood lives—don’t we all, in some way?
Okay, this is what I have decided: I am leaving it up to you, my readers to decide if I should publishing “Finding, falling and staying in love” – I am going to publish the first couple chapters or so, here on Adder World over the next few weeks or so and your feedback, either via email or in the comments section, will determine if I publish it or not! No feedback, no publish—maybe. As with everything I write, I am very opinionated and they are my opinions, you can take’em or leave’em.
Here is the first excerpt, please keep in mind that this is the unedited version—no editing has been done yet:
Introduction to Love
Love is the most astonishingly incredible emotion known to human beings. No other such passionate and meaningful emotion exists within our nature. Love is a soft, sweet good morning kiss, it is the hug we really need and love can be the drive which keeps us focused day to day. We live for love, we die for love and we hope that we find love again in the ever after. After life has ended in this world as we know it, we can take nothing physical with us to the next, but still the one thing we hope for is that there is love in the next life and therefore to pass from this world without experiencing the passion of freely given love from a companion is to have never fully lived life, anyone who has ever experienced true love appreciates this and many people who have never experienced love often have such hollow emptiness inside, which often goes unexplained, but is always at the edge of their consciousness providing feelings of anguish, distress, and solitude which can at times be imperiously difficult to cope with.
I believe we are born only as half a person and we spend much of our life searching for our other half. Sometimes many of us pass love by without ever realizing it and yet there are those prized few who find love very soon in life and hold onto it. It does not matter if you find love early or late, it is important though that you do find love, fall deeply, passionately and stay in love.
For some fortunate people finding, falling and staying in love was or is easy and yet for a lot of people all parts of love are very difficult and complicated. The reason for the complications can be many, low self esteem is considered the most common cause, but be that as it may naïveté is just as high on the list. We educate ourselves daily in our work and in our hobbies. We understand that we must constantly learn more to become better at whatever we do. Love is the same. To be a better lover, to help find love; to help stay in love it is important to enlighten yourself as much as possible about all aspects of love and what you, yourself can do to create and enhance it in your life.
“If I could go back in time to when I was ‘age’ with the knowledge I have now…”
Have you ever heard that saying before? If you have heard it perhaps you have even said it a time or two yourself and I think the older a person gets the more often we say it—Why do people say it so often? Because they understand if they had possessed certain experience and knowledge at a past time in their life they may have done things differently. And so it often goes with past relationships that we somehow blew or just didn’t work out.
Falling in love might sound like a simple thing to do after finding love, but alas this also has its complications and if you have ever heard the saying “when the ‘new’ wears off you will see if you are truly in love or not” then I will explain why this statement exists and what the truth of it really is.
Staying in love, ah—this is the most important part of the love relationship. Staying in love can be for some the most difficult part. Many lovers find themselves growing distant from each other years into the relationship, long after they made it through the end of the mythical “new” segment of the relationship.
This book is about love, finding it, understanding it and keeping it. This book of love is for everyone no matter if you have already found the love of your life or if you are still amongst the countless still searching. If you have already found your other half this book has ideas and suggestions to help you fall deeper in love and keep the person of your dreams.
I am writing this book with the hope and belief that I can help others find true love and keep it. The most important thing I will attempt to bring across to you is you have a controlling role in the matter of love. Many say love is a matter of the heart and there is no control, love just is or it isn’t. Well, my wife and I have often heard this statement in the past before we ever met each other and the one thing we have come to recognize is that if this statement is adhered to you might never experience the full potential of love. The next time you hear this statement examine the person it is coming from, the people I hear this most often from are people who are lonely and without love and could use a dose of this book. As you will come to understand in the pages that follow we do not mean that you should control another person, far from it—never try to control another person as they are a being of their own free will; however, there are many aspects of the relationship that should be directed and guided by your minds and not by your hearts alone.
Are you ready to find love, to fall in love and stay in love? Somehow I am sure you are…
The advice book on finding, falling and staying in love!
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