Good day everyone!
I received a few emails from these last few articles concerning relationships and it was asked that I give more details and give clearer explanations of the ‘signs’ that I missed. I am going to try and do that a bit here in today’s post. But first let me explain a bit about what I am trying to do with my blog and writing about my life with Attention Deficit Disorder. It is my attempt to help others by writing openly about my experiences and allowing you to take from my writing what you will.
Unfortunately, there are no clear and perfect 1, 2, 3 steps you can follow and be cured. ADD ADHD is amazing like that – the more we read about it, learn about it and share our experiences, the better we understand and the better we can cope. My experiences, the articles written on this Blog are free for you to read, no charge for you whatsoever—you can read them or leave them, and you can disagree with them or agree with them. Obviously, that’s completely up to you; however, with your feedback I can better write my articles by knowing what details are of the most benefit. Some of the forums I visit provide feedback too and I am grateful.
I am going to copy here what I posted on a forum concerning the recent posts, which I believe comes as close as possible in answering your questions:
The thing is you may always miss the cues, the signs. I hate to say that, but it is true and you know what? When it comes to men understanding women, well you don’t have to have ADD to be confused by that. No man really understands a woman with or without ADD ADHD. Well, maybe Don Juan did, but that’s a special case. The same goes with women understanding men. Yep, we can be just as confusing and just as emotional, especially when we have ADD or ADHD!
The important thing to remember is to be yourself. There is no need for any speech at the beginning that you have ADD ADHD, because yes, that can possibly be a bit awkward. Such an explanation would probably come when you are surer of the relationship. It will have to come at some point, can’t keep it a secret forever or your behavior will be considered maybe weird or worse. The other person gets confused too, that’s what my articles points out more than anything. The girl in the article was confused about me.
She invited me to her house and introduced me to her whole family and treated me like a prince, but I didn’t pick up on that. THAT was a big sign. She took the leap of faith to introduce me. Sometimes we get so involved with ourselves and what we want that we don’t pay attention to what the other is doing. I guess we have to step out of ourselves and not only focus on our insecurities. No matter how beautiful or seemingly secure the other person is, he or she will have insecurities and vulnerabilities too.
Another thing we ADDer’s tend to do is wait for the move… for females that’s not always so bad, but for us guy ADDer’s we might be waiting a long time. Chivalry might seem dead, but don’t tell any girl that ’cause it’s not. The move is the risk of a life time, but it’s not really. It either works, or it doesn’t, or maybe it’s not so cut and dry like that – just like there is no cut and dry answer to how to know the signs or cues that people present in or before a relationship ensues.
Keep in mind that she continued to see me for months. That’s a big sign that she at the very least liked me. Somewhere in there I missed something big because she stopped seeing me. It was probably a combination of things. The truth is I never took a risk. I didn’t take a risk because I didn’t want to stop seeing her, but that’s what happened. I guess, looking back, after a while I should have taken a risk and perhaps tried to hold her hand while walking. When women want to walk with you, that could be a sign. Walking together in a field or through town frequently is a romantic behavior. Not always, but it is intimate and women usually only do this with someone they care for – especially if it is frequent walks with no particular destination. The same goes for guys, we don’t go out of our way to just walk around. If we are walking frequently with a female somewhere, well, it can probably be taken as a sign too.
I speak from hindsight; there are so many signs and so many misunderstandings. I can’t guarantee anything, but what I can guarantee is that eventually you will have to step out of your comfort zone and give it a shot.
I write my experiences in the hope that it helps others. With ADD it helps to know what others have gone through and to step out of ourselves for a moment and look at things from a third person’s point of view. I mean, if you’re seeing someone for months – would that be a sign? If he or she introduces you to the family – would that be a sign? If she goes on walks to nowhere with you – would that be a sign? I talk about them, but perhaps you want something direct and concrete, but it is rare that someone just comes out and says where their intentions are. She smiled and was happy to meet me – BIG sign – I missed it. Maybe she was just being nice, maybe she already was interested in me? See what I mean?
A good movie to watch is the Color of Money. Paul Newman asks Tom’s girlfriend at the beginning if she should take a bet for $500.00 and he tells her she shouldn’t, and then he tells her she should have. And yet then he says it is all so confusing and how are you supposed to know? Time and experience.
With us ADDer’s its good to read about others experiences and talk about them because we usually gain such knowledge over a longer period of time. Trial and Error learning can take forever with us, so the best advice I can give is read as much as you can about ADD ADHD, visit blogs, forums and talk to others. Together we can get better and overcome. It’s a cliché, but divided we fall. Well, that seems to fit anyway.
Please let me know your thoughts, I am learning too.
~Bryan
