Here we are, born to be kings,
We’re the princes of the universe,
Here we belong, fighting to survive,
In a world with the darkest powers,
And here we are, we’re the princes of the universe – Queen
Are you the most important person to you? Are you the only one you think about all day? When you go out to buy Christmas presents do you think of what others would like to have, or do you think of what you would like to give them, or better yet, what you would prefer to have? Do you interrupt others questions with questions of your own that concern you? Do you interrupt in general before others have expressed all they have to say on a subject? Do you consider the ramifications of something before you know the complete story? Do you think you know how a movie is going to end before you have seen it? Do you judge a book by its cover? Do you have an opinion about everything and you believe your opinion is always the right opinion? Do you…
I think you know where I am going with this… right?
Okay, if you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, then it is official. We need to talk and we need to talk about me, myself and I! It’s not all about you, it’s just not and it’s not all about me either—even though I would prefer it to be. It is about being the Center of the Universe.
We (you and me) tend to think we are the end all, be all and even though we probably should be, we are not. Don’t tell that to Simon Cowell, he really does think it’s all about him and you’re not going to convince him otherwise! And who is going to convince him otherwise? I mean, he does make a living at it! Okay, maybe we should hand it to him; he has it figured out, but since we are not rich because of our inconsiderate selfish egos, let’s analyze ourselves. I love doing that—it’s all about me after all… sorry… moving on…
 Here is a clue I discovered recently: It’s about the BIG picture. It is not all about me, it’s not all about you and it is not all about any one single person in the Universe. Together we make up the Universe, separated we just decorate the sky like stars, some sparkling brighter than others alone, some grouped together, some way off in the distance. As much as it pains me, I am not the Center of the Universe. Maybe if I write that some more, I will believe that? I am trying hard, really, I am.
We miss social cues, you and me. We miss those things others seem to understand so clearly, we miss the meaning behind the meaning and we just can’t read between the lines to save our lives, or our careers, or our education, or our relationships. We are the Center of the Universe and everything revolves around us.
So here’s my point and as much as it pains me to write this, I have to. The only way you and I are going to make it and overcome our self-centered ways, is to realize that we are being self-centered. It might not be any fault of our own, but if we are tired of missing the cues of others and just plain old not getting along with others, we have to step out of our comfortable sense of self. I mean that sense of self we insistently think about. Me, myself and I.
We start thinking about ourselves from the earliest age, we are just crawling and it is already all about us. We are distracted, we are impulsive and we have difficulty focusing on those things ‘others’ want us to focus on. But, get this, if ‘we’ (you and me) become interested in something we develop what is called “Hyper-Focus”, it is not hocus pocus, it really works, but only on what our mind wants it to work on, not what ‘others’ want it to work on. Taking all this into consideration, we are seemingly, no, we really are predisposed to be the Center of the Universe!
If you and I want to have good relationships, good sex, love and a good job, we have to step out of our comfortable place within our Universe. We have to realize that we are not the center of all that is and could be. We have to take what others say and do and want into consideration. We have to stop asking ourselves why can’t I, why shouldn’t I, and what about me questions. We have to step out of the box and listen to what others are saying, get opinions from others and not simply rely on our own opinion, because believe it or not, this is going to be hard, we are not always right, our thoughts are not the only consideration. Take the time to just pay attention to others. Take the time to ask others how they feel and ask why they feel that way, ask why they formed that opinion.
Okay, that’s it for today. I am going to have Joan read this article. She went and bought cookies for me yesterday and she ate them all! Even the double chocolate one that I was just eating a bit at a time, savoring, half of it was left and she ate that too! Man! What about me???
~Bryan
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Thanks Bryan. This is great.
It’s often hard for the partners of adults with ADHD to understand this “self-centered” aspect that often goes along with being distractible or having to focus so intensely on making it through the day with no major goofs or omissions that other people’s needs don’t always enter the equation.
Of course, understanding is not excusing; you’re right, for everyone’s happiness, the behavior needs to change. But still, I think it helps both people with ADHD and their partners to hear your first-hand experience–and advice.
cheers,
Reply to Gina PeraGina
This is really well-written and speaks to exactly my frustrations with myself. I don’t want to be so self-centered, but I am.
Reply to MattI agree completely! And I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD. (Yet.) For me, it’s about compassion. Really listening and watching for body language, and being present to the person (s) you are with. The entire world needs more of this! We are all to quick to say, What’s in it for me? when we could be saying, what’s in it for us? And of course, in pointing the finger, there are always four pointing back at me, myself and I.
Reply to Elizabeth-EK