Comments on: Acting Mature or Being Mature

By: Schauspielschule Hamburg

Schauspielschule Hamburg — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:40:55 +0000

It is alomost the most important fact to see ourselves through other peoles eyes… Bryan Twitter is right!

By: ajay

ajay — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:55:20 +0000

I get this all the time. Yes, I may laugh at Sesame Street along with my kids, but I also hold down a job, support the family, take care of dishes and laundry and do a fair amount of evening and weekend child care. I don’t do all my “adult” duties perfectly but who does? What part is “mature” and what part is not?

By: Bryan

Bryan — Fri, 08 May 2009 07:49:26 +0000

Thanks for the comments!

The most important aspect, which you are hitting on, is that to see ourselves through other people’s eyes or, rather, our perception of how they perceive us is usually not our accurate selves. Our impulsive, often distracted nature can come across as immature, goofy and unfortunately, even worse, but, that doesn’t mean we are not mature. To ‘act’ mature for the benefit of ‘others perceptions of us’ we would need a cure and that still would not guarantee we’d be perceived as better or more mature, especially if we can’t see ourselves that way first.

By: Renee Adams

Renee Adams — Thu, 07 May 2009 23:33:09 +0000

I would have to agree with you, Bryan. Adders seem to have an extra layer of empathy and maturity, most noticeably when displayed in children.
It’s an interesting manifestation of the extra sensory awareness, or perhaps it’s knowing adversity at a younger age. Another explanation might run closer to checks and balances – as one trait is diminished, another one grows sharper. Whatever the case, we ADDers seem to have that extra maturity, even while we may take longer for other areas to mature (organization, “catching on” etc)

By: Riri

Riri — Wed, 06 May 2009 11:31:39 +0000

Bryan,
Thanks for writing this. I need to be reminded from time to time that I AM mature and not to beat myself too harshly with the thoughts of immaturity such as being lazy, irresponsible, lacking of care, not achieving and getting jealous over someone else’s achievements. In fact, my closest friend have been having trouble convincing me that I’m not lazy. I just overlook the other qualities that you mentioned.

But, it’s just sometimes difficult to not think of myself as being immature because somehow, people around me ‘support’ this idea. I do know that they discreetly acknowledge the positive qualities I have, but they hardly mention about it. What usually come up was the ‘good advices’ (which I don’t even ask) of how it would be much better if I just pull myself together and ‘act’ mature. HAH!

You are right. I don’t need to act mature. I already am.

By: Mindy

Mindy — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:11:04 +0000

I think this article is perfect. I am a virgo on top of the ADD so I feel that I get hit by this twice. I as a person of ADD feel more mature then my peers…on the other hand, those of my peers that do not have ADD think I am immature. So, I guess a no win situation…What can you do?

By: Gina Pera

Gina Pera — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:09:53 +0000

Oh geez, I didn’t mean to sound abrupt or dismissive, Bryan. You know I love your writing and what you have to say, especially when you write first-person stories.

I’m probably too busy with work to even try to make a coherent response, so shouldn’t have tried.

Basically, I’m just not an advocate of lumping all people with ADHD into one basket — any basket.

By: Gina Pera

Gina Pera — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:01:08 +0000

As for perfectionism, that seems especially common among women with ADHD, from what I read.

Maybe it comes from conditioning and wanting to meet expectations, but it’s also thought to be part of the essential “regulation” issues inherent to ADHD: not overdoing it or underdoing it but finding that place in the middle. And having the judgment to know when good is good enough.

By: Bryan

Bryan — Mon, 04 May 2009 21:33:40 +0000

Oh Lisa, perfectionism is so difficult and hard to break, even when we already know we are not and cannot be perfect. There was a long while there when I was stuck in the perfectionism state of doing things and I could never do anything right, at least not to my satisfaction and it became so depressing that I had internal tantrums, some external, but, nothing close to as severe as the internal mental beatings for not measuring up. I think you’re also on track with the fact that we react to the chastisements and mockery by trying to measure up – in the process of trying to measure up we place such high demands on ourselves and become ‘perfectionists’.

I am glad to hear you are finding your answers and your way. Good for you!

Bryan

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 04 May 2009 21:12:51 +0000

The one thing I cannot relate to is perfectionism. I have recently admitted that I am a perfectionist in that I am so hard on myself and beat myself up for basically anything.

I think it comes from very judgemental parents, as well as hearing that I don’t finish things and never learn from my mistakes (consequences). At some point early on, I just stopped trying to do anything at all, cause I BELIEVED that I couldn’t do anything right. I cannot fathom that I bought into this for so long.

Now at 44, I am learning that I am human just like everyone else, with strenghs and weaknesses.

Thank god for my new process of grieving and letting go after all these years.

Lisa