I had a choice. I made that choice.
I would embrace my ADHD or I would fight it. It may seem like an easy choice, but anyone who has ADHD can tell you, it’s not. Even so, it seems like it would be a clear yes or no.
What’s the difference between fighting it and embracing it? For me, fighting ADHD means to search for a cure outside of one’s self – something to permanently solve the reality of ADHD symptoms. It seems to me, fighting ADHD in search of a cure is akin to searching for that magic answer which will cure the world of all evils.
Embracing ADHD means, at least to me, to look at the symptoms and say okay, you are a part of me and I will find a way to make you work for me and not against me. By doing this I can look upon therapy and other medical influences as a means to help make those symptoms work for me and not necessarily cure them.
Sounds simple, right? Never quote me as saying that embracing one’s ADHD is easy. It is not. Who doesn’t fantasize about being free from the symptoms from time to time? For me, those fantasies are fewer and fewer as time goes by. When I look in the mirror I want to like who I see, imperfections and all. Now, though, when I look in the mirror I don’t see any imperfections, I see me as a person and each part of me makes the whole of me.
Yes, there are nuances and many areas of grey (I write about them); however, if there is anything I have learned for myself, it is that one can get lost in those areas and never find one’s way back out, or, the trip back can be a very long one. Those places are like a never ending ring of mystery and complexity that, far too often, just leaves one feeling worse and worse. That’s my experience.
I embrace who I am, all of me. I can work on this and that (I do), tweak this and that (I do), learn as much as I can about ADHD (I do); and still, as a whole – I embrace me.
Bryan
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Wow, I just had a conversation about this today. You are right, embracing ADHD is hard, but fighting it makes like harder (I’m finding out)! Thanks for the insight.
Great MCL! Getting proper medical help is the cornerstone of diagnosis and treatment; however, there is so much we can do for ourselves too (ie… educating ourselves about ADHD and the many coping skills). We can keep the therapeutic window open on both sides of the house.
Great post, I can see that accepting it is the key to a happy life. I have been fighting it all of my life, without even knowing what it was!
I am having a good week, feeling confident that there are ways to manage this part of me, without feeling so mad/sad/gulity/screwed up all of the time.
I can imagine that this is a long road, but having the map (finally!) is making things a lot easier now.
Hi Clarissa,
Glad to hear you are having a good week!
Having a map gives us direction, or at least, a better idea of what is going on and why. I like the map analogy too.
Good for you!
Bryan
Bravo, Bryan! I completely agree. We need to keep our heads high and be proud of what makes us unique. We also need to keep abreast of current ADHD research, federal legislation, and DSM-V (due out in 2012).
Once I told my sister about a huge step I made with regard to ADD and she said everything will get easier when you just accept it. I corrected her words. Because first, this lovely fellow called ADD does not go away simply because you accept it (that makes sense, right? When you accept it, it means it stays with you). Second, accepting itself is an excruciating process. At this moment I remain struggling. Sometimes I can gain the benefits of ADD, but most of the time, in fact still a greater part, I feel that it only causes me trouble and pain.
I do want to accept the whole package of Riri, complete of her ADD, but it seems like it is still a long way to go. I just wish I have the strengths to continue.
Hi Riri,
It takes time to adjust and come to terms with ADD. It’s not an overnight thing and often, we tend to fight it like mad until we are just too tired to fight anymore and that’s when we come to decision time. For some reason (and this is for most everyone with or without ADD or ADHD) we must struggle first before accepting something difficult becomes the right option.
Accepting ADHD doesn’t make the struggles go away, but, it does help one realize that it is a part of who we are. Accepting ADHD is a way to stop looking for miracle cures and find real treatment that has a real chance of offering help, even if not the complete help we want. The problem with most treatment (unless one finds a med that works perfect right away), especially Cognitive Behavior Therapy, is that it takes a while, sometimes years and that is quite difficult to deal with, for most of us.
Sometimes ADHD hurts so much because we want it to just go away and nothing we do will make it go away. Another problem is the ‘benefits’ of ADHD. For those of us with serious struggles concerning ADHD it becomes very annoying to hear about the benefits of something which causes so much difficulty! Without proper treatment and a coming to terms, the benefits will remain out of reach. It’s like falling in a waterwell, you can see the top edge and the benefit of being out of the well, but, until you actually get out of the waterwell the benefits of being out seems rather useless. Furthermore, unlike getting out of the waterwell, the symptoms of ADHD will persist even after treatment is found, how much they persist and affect us is different for each of us.
If I would have heard that my symptoms could provide any kind of benefit before I started treatment, I would have laughed at the joke! Or maybe cried, depending on the day and the situation.
Bryan
PS: just my thoughts and what I think of this whole thing, we all must find our own way and our own answers that work for us.
I am praying with al I got for not just adhd people but all to see and believe this is a GIFT so please PLEASE use it and give back to the society who put this down stand tall and be you there is nothing better and you will see this is LIFE,
Peace to all souls
Hi i’m Jean,
Before finding this website books were of my only knowledge of this disorder I have struggled with my entire life. Thankyou so much for sharing it is definately good food for thought for me.
Bryan, Really profound musings on ADD there, thanks so much! I am just starting to realize no silver bullet (medication program nor coping advice) will get rid of my ADD, but the recent psychologist sessions I’ve had really helped me and my husband start to love this “newly diagnosed/interpreted” Jo for the first time in my 53 years and (0ur) 26 years of marriage!!! And all this is just after two months of some pretty hairy and scarey discoveries about my childhood, dating patterns(although that’s about 35 years ago) and what I just did yesterday that pissed off my usually wonderful husband and why.
And this ADDER world you started has been a great motivator and solace slugging it through each day’s surprises.
Keep up the good writing and encouragement you give us ADDers!
I was diagnosed with ADHD in the beginning of 2008 and when I was diagnosed, I was trying to fight it, but since I’ve realized that I can’t fight it, I have and am still learning to embrace it.
Working to tweak things about yourself to make things work better for ADHD is a trial and error process. I think that and hope that eventually I will learn how to develop things that will work for me
I stopped fighting my ADD when I finally had a name for it. For me, diagnosis 16 years ago was a huge relief. It explained so many things about my life, and helped me understand that not only wasn’t I to blame for being different, but the people around me weren’t to blame for not understanding. I was able to let go of a lot of anger then–though not all of it!
Thanks for this site. I’m looking forward to reading more.
Hi! I am just reading your blog for the first time. I was just diagnosed with ADD in November of last year. I am 39.
I loved your post about accepting ADD and all it could do for you and how loving what you are and managing the things that are difficult with the help of professionals.
I just wanted to say that I had to learn to accept myself at an early age because of other things, asthma and eczema that were devastating emotionally. What I didn’t know until just recently is that half of my social akwardness and difficulty had to do with my ADD. I am just now making the connections to so many events, but I am also making the connection to why I enjoy things so immensely, why I feel things so deeply and why pain seems more intense to me than other people’s pain. I had to learn to love myself early in life for all of me….but it is only now after being diagnosed and learning about the issues ADD can create that I am learning why I am the way I am and it is leading to a more informed loved and a less defiant love of myself. I always just said screw you to everyone. If you cannot like me the way I am, screw you. But this lead to behavior that was not helpful for me in my life at all. Now I stand up and I understand why and I love myself because of these things and not despite of these things.
Thanks for having a great site.
Thank you Michelle, many of us can relate to striking back at the world and being defiant. Good for you for finding your way… I just noticed you also joined our ADDer World Social Network – Great! I will drop you a message over there too.
Bryan
Hello. It feels momentous for me to type that simple word “hello” because after months of wanting to reach out to fellow ADDers I am finally taking a first step. I have two fully grown ADD sons and, at 50, my own ADHD (inattentive type) has become unmanageable as hormonal (sorry if that is tmi) changes are undoing my hard won coping mechanisms. If you are reading this and you have adult ADHD you will recognize why I have to end here; I am late for work and was helplessly surfing ADHD topics rather than getting ready to leave. ARGHHH! I hope to come back to this site and learn more. -c
Hi Cheryl, thanks for stopping by and hope you come back soon… no, don’t be late for work
I sent you an invite to our member site at http://www.adderworld.ning.com see ya there!
I love your concept of fighting ADHD as searching for a cure OUTSIDE ourselves, whereas embracing ADHD is about accepting and cherishing all of who we are on the INSIDE.
Great post!