Comments on: Sex Love Marriage Affairs and ADHD

By: John Maccken

John Maccken — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:28:53 +0000

There can be many problems with Adult add and relationships as the above poster told his story, i remember a lot of other things that have gone wrong in my life. Similar but different as well. Pushing people away due to hyper focus, is the main one. This behavior can be unlearned but it took me to loose about 6 serious relationships before i changed my ways.

By: ADHD and affairs | How to cope with a cheating spouse

ADHD and affairs | How to cope with a cheating spouse — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 05:06:22 +0000

[...] http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/05/25/sex-love-marriage-affairs-and-adhd/ [...]

By: Michael Hardy

Michael Hardy — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:14:48 +0000

Adhd can reuin lives, I was hyper compulsive, sexually driven only with one woman, though. I was alway tryin to please her. I was going overboard. I would call trying to find out where she was. I was a nut, she would tell me anything I wanted to hear, I would believe and this fueled more rage. I tried to escape her, but she was so beautiful. OMG, she was fine. I tried not to lust! She got tired of me and she dumbed me. I can’t blame her. I deserve it. Adher’s can get crazy sometimes. With these disorders, I was the Jackyll and she was Mrs. Hyde. OMG she was fine. I wanted her all to myself and I wanted to control her. Sick yeah. I am sick yeah, YAH

Michael

By: Bryan

Bryan — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:09:01 +0000

Hi AzcoMan,

I understand where you are and can appreciate that you love your wife and family. That’s good, very good and your concern protects you, I think, from doing harm. However, (I am not a therapist) are you missing something? Perhaps you know what that something is? Perhaps it may be a discussion you and your wife should have and perhaps test the waters of fulfilling something more than the motions of everyday living?

I hope things work out for you and your family.

Bryan

By: AzcoMan

AzcoMan — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 02:21:52 +0000

Bryan,

The reason I’m visiting this website is that I am trying to find answers to why I find myself so challenged with my maritial relationship. It was in my early 40′s that I discovered my ADHD condition. I’ve struggled throughout my life with this and once discovered it has helped tremendously. I’ve been fortunate to become successful in business despite thinking I was dumb. But success in my marriage has been a constant struggle. I love my wife and have sought counseling with and without her. Things are rough and I continue to find myself in several situations to have an affair and although I have come close to being with another woman I have not. I’m not excusing any agency on my part but I find myself in these circumstances torn asking myself why I’m even close to being unfaithful. I typically choose those opportunities that seem impossible but now they seem to become probable. I know this is rambling but I am just hoping for a little encouragement that I’m not nuts. I love my wife and family and I am trying desperately to fight off these urges or influeces etc. I really want to be a good husband and I know that I can I just wanted to seek out why I face these things. Sorry for my geeberish.

By: Ann

Ann — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:13:41 +0000

Bryan,

I really appreciate your comment about how you have changed in your current marriage by being interested in the things your wife enjoys as well. I think this was the biggest issue in the demise of my marriage was that they whole marriage was focused on my ADD’ers life. He made no realy attempt to enjoy things that I also enjoyed and do the things that interested me. He told me that he did not like anything I was interested in and never would be. This was prior to his self-diagnosis of ADHD this past February.

I agree that it takes 2 trying in the relationship, both moving thowards the middle for it to work. With the total focus on his life I became resentful and angry because I felt that I was being dragged behind his life and had no life of my own. I was always faithful to my marriage for the full 7yrs. My pw/ADHD was not however and had an affair shortly after our 2nd child was born. As my therapist has expained to me, it probably was because of the burden of having to be responsible for 2 children and wife now. Although I know our sex life was really not that great, and we did have problems, I was in it for life and never had intentions of leaving.

I was angry about the infidelity for a long time but realize now knowing he had ADHD that he did have a low threshold for boredom and this probably contributed to him wanting to see if the grass was greener on the other side.

By: ADDbuster

ADDbuster — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:39:26 +0000

Brian’s theory is bang own, don’t forget we are talking about what goes on in somebody’s mind after the biggest non-lethal shock of their lives. The awakening process makes the person realize for the first time many things not only love. If the person comes to the conclusion that they screwed up because of their mental state then I think there will be way less guilt in trying to change things for the better. Very insightful and logical point to me. Amazing…

By: Bryan

Bryan — Sun, 31 May 2009 04:38:00 +0000

You know, what I really have learned to appreciate about having this website, is that I discover so much in everyone’s comments! I have my thoughts, write about them and you help me expand them. I truly learn so much through our shared experiences.

Montana, I so agree! In my first marriage I did not find things of her interest to make my interest; however, with Joan I find myself interested in what she likes. She loves art and we go to museums and art galleries together. I learn so much. She also assists me with my writing and clarifying my thoughts for this blog. The only caveat is that it takes two in any relationship, if only one is trying and trying without the other one stepping towards the middles, the relationship is doomed to failure.

Now, I have discovered a love for art I didn’t have before by becoming interested in Joan’s interest! Fantastic points!

Bryan

By: MontanaShepherdess

MontanaShepherdess — Sat, 30 May 2009 23:58:40 +0000

If the ADDer has made a partnership with an emotionally available mate, then it is highly unlikely there will ever be an affair (including the fantasy internet cheating variety). It is important for the ADDer to focus on being (or becoming) emotionally available themselves, to sustain high quality togetherness. I was married for almost 24 years and never had an affair (nor did he). I was an early bloomer but diagnosed with ADHD late in life. My adolescent years spent risk-taking were much less satisfying than my marriage. I agree with Dana’s comment that ADDers who do find that they need extra adventure and excitement in their marriage should consider putting their time, energy and creativity into a hobby or job that they enjoy. But I would add that this hobby or job should be something their partner can be drawn into and enjoy with them… or you join them in their hobby. I learned a lot about history and military strategy because I bothered to become curious about my husband’s interests.

By: Mindy

Mindy — Thu, 28 May 2009 21:29:59 +0000

I went to my Dr yesterday and we discussed this posting. She said that she has seen many divorces due to ADD/ADHD and she can understand why. She said look at the average person, especially that has found out that they were ADD at a late age. We get bored easily, we get frustrated with ourselves, we rather do something ourself than ask some one else to do it, in turn leaving us mad at the other person for not doing, etc.
Also, one thing that I feel strongly with is that since I now have the ability to do things I never knew before, sometimes I feel that I am growing and others are just standing still. Also, when someone pay attention to us now it is different.
Do not get me wrong, I am old fashion in the idea of marriage, but, I do understand reasons
people do cheat or get out of relationships they do.