Being on the fence allows me to view things from a perspective where I can take in both sides and make decisions, choices and base beliefs on the facts all sides present (what I can make of them). Personally, I think it is a mistake to join one particular side of an issue and allow it to consume everything – life isn’t that simple and wars get started by this way of thinking, due to anger, resentment and inflexibility.
Typically, each side of an issue has both merits and faults. My experiences have taught me that nothing is as clear cut as it seems when it comes to human beliefs and relations.
My position(s) are as simple as they are complex. Here are a few or more:
I believe we all have the power within us to improve, become better and fulfill our wants, needs, desires, – our dreams.
I believe whichever way that brings you to a happy, fulfilling place in your life is the right way for you.
I believe we each have the right to consider ADHD a gift and the right to consider ADHD a curse (or parts of ADHD, either way). I also believe that what one believes tends to direct their life in that direction. Positive thoughts and beliefs can lead to empowerment, and likewise, negative, self-defeating thoughts can lead to despair and ultimately, catastrophe.
It is not my place to tell anyone what to believe or not to believe.
I freely present my experiences, with my solutions and allow anyone to take ‘em or leave ‘em. There is no charge to read my blogs or join the ADDer World ADHD Social Network. Purchasing my book is an option and I absolutely love it when a reader loans it out to others! If you own a copy of my book, please do loan it out to anyone you think will benefit. I have asked this before and many are doing it – thank you!
I want to inspire you, I want to encourage you, I want to motivate you and I want to help you reach a level of bliss and acceptance of life with or without ADHD. Not everything I write is just about ADHD, if you break down article by article here, you will find that each ADHD trait in of itself, alone, is an integral part of the human condition – it’s when all (or most) of the traits get together and have a party, that we have problems to resolve and overcome, that’s ADHD, friends and neighbors, as I believe it to be.
My stance on medication is simple: That’s between you and your doctor. Period. I know people who have had great success thanks to medication and I know people who have suffered, as yours truly has, due to side effects and discontinuation syndrome. I only advise that you seek the advice of a doctor who specializes in ADHD and the corresponding medication. Personal experiences are hard to gage, because, each person can have a different experience with the same medication.
Also, about medication, I do not believe that the same coping skills one learns while on medication can be used as effectively without the medication. Raw un-medicated ADHD is quite different than successfully medicated ADHD, therefore, the coping skills will be different, if they weren’t, then that would, I guess, mean the medication isn’t working. However, I do believe vice-versa does work. I have met and talked to too many people who have come off medication and returned to their old ways, which shouldn’t necessarily be a surprise, because, if they didn’t, well, then the medication would have cured their symptoms, and too many of these folks find that they are unable to continue to fully utilize the coping skills they learned while medicated. Regardless, coping skills learned while medicated are better than no coping skills at all. (I hope that made sense)
Thanks to my experiences, which may be different than yours, I believe psychotherapy is a good place to start treatment. Medication may come after a full analysis and several discussions. If you have read my book then you know the value therapy had on my life and changing my belief system, especially when considering how I perceived and allowed the past to control my thoughts – this is based on Adult ADHD. There is too much going on in our thoughts to be discounted and overcome by medication alone, past experiences and our perceptions of them do not change with medication alone.
Personal experiences of someone with ADHD, yours truly included, do not take the place of a trained medical professional. Again, I advise a specialist. I do not buy into anyone declaring that ADHD medication is very bad, or, likewise, anyone claiming that ADHD medication is the ultimate answer. In my opinion ADHD is neither very bad, nor is it the ultimate answer. This isn’t about nuances or grey areas, or being on a fence, this is about the fact that each person is different and considerations need to be taken on a case by case basis, medical histories etc… etc… hyperbole doesn’t help anyone.
One thing which seems rather clear to me is that no matter the amount of coping skills, proper, working medication and further education of ADHD, we will always have challenges. It can be those challenges which keep us suffering or it can be those challenges which keeps us ever moving forward, improving, enhancing our lives – what I attempt to do is take those challenges, talk about them, based on what I have learned and experienced, and give optimism not only to you, but, also to myself. I am of the mind, if we think we can, we can! That’s me.
I do not believe in a cure for ADHD. There are no perfect solutions or one size fits all.
I am not everything to everybody. I can’t do everything myself and I do not feel the need to.
I have very little tolerance for crass, malicious and/or disrespectful attacks or comments towards anyone for any reason, including from yours truly. Venting, to me, isn’t an excuse, it is immature and rude. With that said, we all make mistakes, but, we should own up to them and try to correct them. ADHD can be like improving in sports, reducing our errors will improve our game. Having ADHD doesn’t mean we do not know right from wrong, there’s another title for that.
I reserve the right to repeat myself, and I tend to change my mind from time to time. That’s life, not just ADHD!
These are my top ten (did I write more than 10?) clarifications on what I am about. As you see I do take certain stands, in certain areas, but, they are my stands and might not be yours. You may have some areas in which you agree and you may have some areas which you disagree. That’s up to you. Am I on the fence in certain areas? I certainly hope I am, because, like I said, that way I can see most sides and make an informed choice for me. You make your choices for you – maybe some of my choices help you make your choices and maybe some of yours help me make mine. You can join me on the fence, if you like, there’s plenty of room…
~Bryan out!
~~
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Deb posted the following on June 10, 2009 at 4:46 pm.
Interesting…..I have never even SEEN a fence here (til the one in the pic above). But if I had to consider the fence….seems to me its better to be sitting atop where you can consider both sides than to have one post slid so far up that you can’t wiggle back to the top to even see what might be new on the other side! (Sorry for that)
Bryan, the company is much better up there-hey I can see my house!!!!
Regarding meds – thank God I have the freedom to choose to use or not – am looking forward to better, more targeted ones with fewer side effects in the future.
As always, Bryan, thank you for being such a gracious host on this site. You are remarkable!
Gina Pera posted the following on June 10, 2009 at 9:34 pm.
Hey, as my brother’s Sicilian father-in-law, Subby, used to say, “The grass is always-a green-ah onna toppa da fence!”
Okay, so something was lost in translation. But I get your drift.
Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s amazing to me how prolific , persistent and brilliant you’ve been in pushing the envelope of ADHD awareness on the web — all while working a full-time and demanding job.
Kudos and don’t let the less-successful, envious, cowardly, and self-medicating-with-anger-and-malicious-attacks jerks get you down. Just ignore them, as I’m learning to do.
Gina Pera posted the following on June 10, 2009 at 9:45 pm.
Here’s what I’ve seen regarding on-off medication coping skills:
If the medication is right, the insights that are gained sometimes do carry over after medication is discontinued.
In other words, there’s been a shift in consciousness, a change in “how things can be” and “what is possible.” And that is remembered. Sometimes that memory alone is enough to shift behavior.
Bryan posted the following on June 10, 2009 at 11:07 pm.
Thank – ye Deb! That’s a rather tall fence to see your house from Better, more targeted and less side effects, sounds good to me. That’s really where I think a specialist comes into the picture. A specialist can identify what may be the best option for you, considering history, possible allergies and toleration etc…
Thank – ye too Gina! Actually, a young lady kindly wrote me this past week asking me to get down off of my fence on a certain subject; however, she must have not read too much of what I have written (there’s a lot to read as you point out), but I had already given my position with regard to her concern. And that position goes according to a case by case basis. Sweeping judgments don’t always work when the situation could be different in each person’s case.
About the coping skills – I don’t really think the remembering is the issue with what I mean. It’s sort of like, if you have chronic fatigue syndrome and a successful medication wears off and the person’s energy drains away, it’s very hard to put the same coping skills to use that required the energy that the medication provided. I need to come up with a better way of clarifying this particular dilemma some find themselves in after medication wears off for good, or, until a substitute med can be identified. Sort of like if I have a powered hammer to break through something, it won’t take nearly as long as without the powered hammer, but, I can probably still do it manually with a regular hammer and a LOT of work – the skill to swing the hammer isn’t forgotten… does that make sense? I am very tired and need some sleep
Thanks for stopping by and, as always, thanks for your encouragement and support!
Dana posted the following on June 11, 2009 at 4:25 am.
As an ADHD mom of three kids who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, I can honestly share that I have been open to both sides of the fence. I have learned through the years that there are many options available to manage ADHD better.
After dealing with my own ADHD issues as well as helping my 3 kids cope with their own ADHD issues, we have tried a wide variety of methods that ranged from traditional medicine, counseling, consistency in routines, special education, changes in diet, eating healthier, eliminating foods and taking natural alternatives.
Bryan, you are right that there is no magic pill and no cure all. What works for one may not work the exact same way for another. For instance, my kids had success with Ritalin, yet, I had a nightmare experience!
The most important of all is that there may be many different routes that can take you where you ultimately need to go. However, allow yourself room to grow and to change directions if necessary.
Anna posted the following on June 11, 2009 at 6:02 am.
Another great piece, Bryan. I’m surprised that someone would ask you deliberately to choose a side on an issues out side of life-or-death. Don’t all people have the right to reserve judgment until a time of thier own choosing? I agree with your statement about not making sweeping judgements-I’m not a fan of generalizations or blanket statements. I just read a quote that fits here : “If you haven’t taken on a new point of view or discarded some old opinions lately check your pulse-you might be dead.” -George Carlin. I’m not educated enough about medicines and coping skills yet to even offer an opinion on that.(I’m newly diagnosed) I think your answer sumed it up when you stated that each person is different and considerations need to be taken on a case by case basis. Who can argue with that? Keep up the good work Bryan!
Anna
Deb posted the following on June 11, 2009 at 6:04 pm.
Both sides of the fence:
Meds are extremely useful esp in the area of anti-depressants. When you are depressed, the habitual thought routines you are establishing as a result of the condition alone are dangerous to you. The longer you are in the groove, the harder it is for your thought patterns to “retrac”. As with any habit – the harder it can be to break. Sometimes meds can give you a much needed break from your own brain processes. With this sunless vacation, you can spend some time thinking about what you’re going through and how you are going through it. Helps to clear the way for some meaningful introspection. Ideally, you don’t want to stay on them any longer than you really need to accomplish this. Few would argue that dependency is better than real life, even with all its struggles.
You would not want people to discontinue their meds for OCD, schizophrenia, tourette’s syndrome, just like you would not want anyone to discontiue their meds for diabetes.
As for me, ritalin was like living in an ocean of molasses. There was just more gravity, and my brain was much less fun to be with. Better, sometimes, for others around me I’m told. So, now I see the other side of the fence. When I need to take the meds in situations where I need to slow down and be a 33-1/2 for those around me, I do. I can get a HUGE amount of very boring work done. But for the rest of it, I would rather remain at 45. That’s where I choose to spend the majority of time with myself.
I do feel a great concern for kids who are not given a choice-esp if they are very young. I believe you need to get to know yourself before people start screwing with you. That doesn’t happen until you are 30.
So there I sit – right atop the fence and enjoying the view!!!!!!
mcl posted the following on June 14, 2009 at 7:44 pm.
I believe when people get to the point of recognizing ADD/ADHD can’t be worn like a one size fits all scarf, then people will stop asking people to pick a side. We are all different, we all feel the effects of it differently. As a child, I don’t think I needed medication until college. I need it as an adult; however, I have a sister facing the challenging decision with her child, and I don’t envy her having to mke this choice.
i believe if you see any medical professional or counselor, the will tell you the medicine is not going to fix everthing or magically give you coping skills. Personally it gives me clarity to slow down to learn new coping skills.
"One Boy’s Struggle is a real eye-opener. It should be read by all parents struggling to understand how best to support their ADHD children. Adults with ADHD will likely find validation and new hope from reading Bryan’s story.” ~Dr. Edward Hallowell
CHADD Educator of the Year for 2010, Dr. Katherine Nell Mcneil, "Highly recommends" One Boy’s Struggle
“A very brave and moving memoir.” Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Katherine Ellison, author of 'Buzz'.
"Gripping account of both the struggles and positive polarities of ADD written beautifully in a honest, open and courageous manner." David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
"Anyone with ADD or with friends, loved ones or colleagues with ADD will be informed and touched by Bryan’s book." Bryan Robinson Ph.D. author of 'The Art of Confident Living'
Thank you!
I just want to add a special thank you to all those who have read ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’. Thanks to you it has become one of the top selling books for my publisher, this means that it is reaching people all over the world.
It is an honor to have written a book that is meaning so much and benefiting so many. It is my hope that one day ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’ will be read by every teacher and parent, as well as read by every adult with ADHD. If you own a copy and have read it, please consider passing it on, loan it out to friends, a support group or donating it to your local library.
All material provided within this website is opinion only, and is not to be construed as medical advice, instruction or direction of any kind. No action should be taken solely on the contents of this website. Visit a health care professional before making any decisions about your health.
Interesting…..I have never even SEEN a fence here (til the one in the pic above). But if I had to consider the fence….seems to me its better to be sitting atop where you can consider both sides than to have one post slid so far up that you can’t wiggle back to the top to even see what might be new on the other side! (Sorry for that)
Bryan, the company is much better up there-hey I can see my house!!!!
Regarding meds – thank God I have the freedom to choose to use or not – am looking forward to better, more targeted ones with fewer side effects in the future.
As always, Bryan, thank you for being such a gracious host on this site. You are remarkable!
Reply to DebHey, as my brother’s Sicilian father-in-law, Subby, used to say, “The grass is always-a green-ah onna toppa da fence!”
Okay, so something was lost in translation.
But I get your drift.
Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s amazing to me how prolific , persistent and brilliant you’ve been in pushing the envelope of ADHD awareness on the web — all while working a full-time and demanding job.
Kudos and don’t let the less-successful, envious, cowardly, and self-medicating-with-anger-and-malicious-attacks jerks get you down. Just ignore them, as I’m learning to do.
Reply to Gina PeraHere’s what I’ve seen regarding on-off medication coping skills:
If the medication is right, the insights that are gained sometimes do carry over after medication is discontinued.
In other words, there’s been a shift in consciousness, a change in “how things can be” and “what is possible.” And that is remembered. Sometimes that memory alone is enough to shift behavior.
Reply to Gina PeraThank – ye Deb! That’s a rather tall fence to see your house from
Better, more targeted and less side effects, sounds good to me. That’s really where I think a specialist comes into the picture. A specialist can identify what may be the best option for you, considering history, possible allergies and toleration etc…
Thank – ye too Gina! Actually, a young lady kindly wrote me this past week asking me to get down off of my fence on a certain subject; however, she must have not read too much of what I have written (there’s a lot to read as you point out), but I had already given my position with regard to her concern. And that position goes according to a case by case basis. Sweeping judgments don’t always work when the situation could be different in each person’s case.
About the coping skills – I don’t really think the remembering is the issue with what I mean. It’s sort of like, if you have chronic fatigue syndrome and a successful medication wears off and the person’s energy drains away, it’s very hard to put the same coping skills to use that required the energy that the medication provided. I need to come up with a better way of clarifying this particular dilemma some find themselves in after medication wears off for good, or, until a substitute med can be identified. Sort of like if I have a powered hammer to break through something, it won’t take nearly as long as without the powered hammer, but, I can probably still do it manually with a regular hammer and a LOT of work – the skill to swing the hammer isn’t forgotten… does that make sense? I am very tired and need some sleep
Thanks for stopping by and, as always, thanks for your encouragement and support!
Bryan
Reply to BryanB – I think you expressed yourself clearly.
I was just offering a different angle.
Reply to Gina PeraAs an ADHD mom of three kids who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, I can honestly share that I have been open to both sides of the fence. I have learned through the years that there are many options available to manage ADHD better.
After dealing with my own ADHD issues as well as helping my 3 kids cope with their own ADHD issues, we have tried a wide variety of methods that ranged from traditional medicine, counseling, consistency in routines, special education, changes in diet, eating healthier, eliminating foods and taking natural alternatives.
Bryan, you are right that there is no magic pill and no cure all. What works for one may not work the exact same way for another. For instance, my kids had success with Ritalin, yet, I had a nightmare experience!
The most important of all is that there may be many different routes that can take you where you ultimately need to go. However, allow yourself room to grow and to change directions if necessary.
Reply to DanaAnother great piece, Bryan. I’m surprised that someone would ask you deliberately to choose a side on an issues out side of life-or-death. Don’t all people have the right to reserve judgment until a time of thier own choosing? I agree with your statement about not making sweeping judgements-I’m not a fan of generalizations or blanket statements. I just read a quote that fits here : “If you haven’t taken on a new point of view or discarded some old opinions lately check your pulse-you might be dead.” -George Carlin. I’m not educated enough about medicines and coping skills yet to even offer an opinion on that.(I’m newly diagnosed) I think your answer sumed it up when you stated that each person is different and considerations need to be taken on a case by case basis. Who can argue with that? Keep up the good work Bryan!
Reply to AnnaAnna
Both sides of the fence:
Meds are extremely useful esp in the area of anti-depressants. When you are depressed, the habitual thought routines you are establishing as a result of the condition alone are dangerous to you. The longer you are in the groove, the harder it is for your thought patterns to “retrac”. As with any habit – the harder it can be to break. Sometimes meds can give you a much needed break from your own brain processes. With this sunless vacation, you can spend some time thinking about what you’re going through and how you are going through it. Helps to clear the way for some meaningful introspection. Ideally, you don’t want to stay on them any longer than you really need to accomplish this. Few would argue that dependency is better than real life, even with all its struggles.
You would not want people to discontinue their meds for OCD, schizophrenia, tourette’s syndrome, just like you would not want anyone to discontiue their meds for diabetes.
As for me, ritalin was like living in an ocean of molasses. There was just more gravity, and my brain was much less fun to be with. Better, sometimes, for others around me I’m told. So, now I see the other side of the fence. When I need to take the meds in situations where I need to slow down and be a 33-1/2 for those around me, I do. I can get a HUGE amount of very boring work done. But for the rest of it, I would rather remain at 45. That’s where I choose to spend the majority of time with myself.
I do feel a great concern for kids who are not given a choice-esp if they are very young. I believe you need to get to know yourself before people start screwing with you. That doesn’t happen until you are 30.
So there I sit – right atop the fence and enjoying the view!!!!!!
Reply to DebI believe when people get to the point of recognizing ADD/ADHD can’t be worn like a one size fits all scarf, then people will stop asking people to pick a side. We are all different, we all feel the effects of it differently. As a child, I don’t think I needed medication until college. I need it as an adult; however, I have a sister facing the challenging decision with her child, and I don’t envy her having to mke this choice.
i believe if you see any medical professional or counselor, the will tell you the medicine is not going to fix everthing or magically give you coping skills. Personally it gives me clarity to slow down to learn new coping skills.
Reply to mclOk, it did not slow me down long enough to check my grammatical errors!
Reply to mcl