Comments on: What is ADHD?

By: trackback

trackback — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 11:15:44 +0000

John Mackenzie linked here saying, "Here are five of my favorite blog posts for Septem ..."

By: Katy B. "Miss K"

Katy B. "Miss K" — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:16:59 +0000

Is there someone you can make a “note writing” date with Jo? Sometimes when I have things I can’t seem to finish, if I grab a friend who also has something they need to finish, and we make a time to do it together…that really helps. Just a thought…

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:50:19 +0000

PS Betsy, I do know what you are saying. I hope I didn’t get too carried away. I just believe in more and better. I am not taking away from anyone’s struggles, but I don’t want us to always think in terms of ‘we can’t’ and especially ‘we won’t.’ You have never beaten me down, so that last line wasn’t intended to mean that!

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:45:02 +0000

Hi Betsy,

I have said it many times, success depends on each person’s definition. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having heroes or people we can look up to and say ‘they did it, they are doing it’. In every civilization and every society, since ages, people have done this and will continue to do it. Maybe it is not 100% right, or maybe our expectations get a little (or a lot) higher than is realistic, but you know, lately I am getting the perception that we only want to read about struggle, how bad others have had it and still have it, how they are suffering day to day and survive to the next. Yes, that’s important and I have countless posts about my struggles… but that’s not all of it. It’s just not. When I played pool I had my heroes and I aspired to be as good as them and yes, it hurt when I lost and when I couldn’t keep my concentration, but you know if I didn’t have any heroes or people I could look up to and say ‘they did it’ then I probably wouldn’t have had any desire to try at all.

When we talk about desire, hope and aspirations and say yes, others have done it, that doesn’t mean we are taking away from our challenges, our difficulties and our let downs. No, it’s more like the northern star… maybe we can never reach the northern star, or much less touch it, but it helps with some direction, it offers a little light in the darkness. We ADDers have enough against us, do we want to take that away too?

By saying, in effect: don’t point out those who have made it with ADHD because it is unattainable and unrealistic and people are just going to get hurt? Have we ever considered that this is over-protectionism to safe guard our feelings and emotions is really saying ‘You have ADHD, you can’t do it? So don’t look up?’

You know, I have been attacked on the net for writing that ADHD is destructive, that ADHD is a Gift, that ADHD people will achieve success, that I write too much about relationship failures and that I write too much about relationship success. The gamut is too wide. Don’t use this word or that word, each countering the other, so I write what I believe in and what I feel, that’s all I can do. That’s me. Heck, I have people writing me telling me that I am pro-pharmaceuticals and then people write me and tell me I am against medication… how often do I write about medication? And you know what; I ignore most of it now, because none of it makes any sense.

One thing people can be sure of is that I believe what I write and I stay true to myself in the process. I am a good person and I have a lot of faith in us, that’s what I am about. I have been beat down enough in my life.

Bryan

By: Betsy Davenport, PhD

Betsy Davenport, PhD — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:38:01 +0000

Thank you.
Also the ones who HATE to play with their kids, the ones who are bored out of their minds to stand one more time on the playground and the ones still reminding the normally not-into-putting-things-away child, for the fifth time, to put away those boots will you before I have to set my hair afire as a pleasanter activity than keeping this stuff in MIND?

By: Betsy Davenport, PhD

Betsy Davenport, PhD — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:15:01 +0000

Frankly, it matters not at all to me who went to what college or how many swimming medals were won. Especially when the so-called reason for the Olympian prowess was never owned or suggested as a reason for the news making misbehavior and arrest for alcohol and drug abuse. That is just another way of making the unimportant, important. I have a seventeen year old kid who is very very smart and who has not been able to attend school since the end of eighth grade. I used to say to myself when listening to the litany of idiot teachers’ descriptions of her as “perfectionist” (their explanation for why homework took her three times longer than her classmates), as lacking “self discipline” (their explanation for why her work wasn’t done), that if they actually gave a hot damn about kids or even about the world we all live in that needs good people much more than it needs good test takers and research report writers, they would give out A’s for kindnesses, ability to sustain excellent friendships over time, empathy, penetrating insight — then we would be hearing another tune.
Same for the rest of us as we contemplate what is really important in this world. Most of us will never become famous or even recognized by anyone other than our families and friends, if we are lucky enough to have them.
Success is not best measured by fame or performance judged in conventional terms. Why do you do this, too? It really sets everyone up in the same way Ned Hallowell does. Most people, with or without AD/HD, are not gifted!
Can you write, instead, about what a person struggling to get through every day can think about that might be a salve on the wounds still festering from years of comparisons with people who are doing better than they are? Otherwise, I fear you are indulging in the same old thing.
As far s I am concerned, there is room in this old world for all of us, because we were born. We need no other credential.

By: Jo in Carrollton

Jo in Carrollton — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:08:29 +0000

I thank all of you for your inspiring comments! I finally got a job 8/31 fulltime in my field but…am struggling with time management again (keeping up with notewriting) so I hope I don’t get fired from this job(that would be 3/3x, keep me in your prayers if you do that sort of thing). I told my boss I have ADD but work is so hectic right now we haven’t had a “mini- performance eval” sitdown talk yet and the worries/negative thoughts are creeping up on me–but mostly my worried husband. I finally took the time to read the documentation inservice notes (I couldn’t attend it in person as I hadn’t yet been approved to hire–needed the background check done by HR first) and now at least I feel maybe
I can do patient notes more quickly starting today) but I’m fearful of letting the boss know what I am still behind on.

So all the insights from Lisa and you all are giving me hope again.
I actually haven’t checked my email from the past 3 weeks until now….love and positive energy to you all…

By: Bryan

Bryan — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 11:21:26 +0000

Indeed Maddge, you are ever so right and personally, my mom is at the top of my list for me

Katy, I think it says a lot about us when we reach out to help others, support and provide positive reinforcement, – the fact is there is nothing as rewarding, lifting or inspiring after touching someone’s life in a good way… keep on!

By: lisa

lisa — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:47:01 +0000

Katy you said “I think confronting my own imperfections this year has made me forgive myself more, which in turn, has made me appreciate people around me more.”

So true for me. This part of my healing has been key this year to enable me to understand what it means to be human. And then be able to connect compassionately with myself and others cause we all feel so much the same.
Lisa

By: maddge

maddge — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:31:25 +0000

I hate to sound corny but, add ADDer Moms to your list of ADHD heroines. You know the ones I mean: The multitasking kooky ones who like to play on the jungle gym with their kids, or hyperfocus on loving them and indulging them in their wildest dreams. That sort of parenthood is a major influence on so many of the Great People we enjoy. These women are unsung and unfathomably infuencial upon the betterment of the world. (Patting myself)