Comments on: Lost Friends and Lost Lovers and Life Thereafter

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:51:19 +0000

Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and let us all know how deeply we feel when someone has left, far away for a while or, sadly, has passed away, seemingly out of our life, but yet, perhaps not. We will always remember and somehow, they are always with us. That’s my personal belief and seems many of you share that belief with me.

Think of happy memories, think of the best of times and remember the joy of having them near us, with us, their laughter, their smiles and most of all, their LIFE.

And yes, I think most of us with ADHD are quite sensitive and feel things with an intense keenness. In some ways this is good, in other ways, not so much. I am personally quite sensitive to memories, usually very specific memories which are not always pleasant, but there are some, when I purposely take my mind to those places and times, the joy comes back – that’s something I had to learn. It’s like finding a key word to use to trigger the mind away from a thought and regain focus on whatever is in front of me…

Bests,

Bryan

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:41:16 +0000

Sherry,

I just read about this on our ADDer World network and then saw your comment. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. They are always with us, I truly believe that.

Bests,

Bryan

By: sherry

sherry — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:10:31 +0000

Thanks Bryan for writing this you know I just lost someone near to my heart, And the pain is so raw right now . And I think of her with me all the time right now. I’m hurting and I miss her but, I can feel she is with me where ever I go . Thanks for writing that and reminding me she will always be with me. sherry

By: Janice Adamson

Janice Adamson — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:07:05 +0000

I wonder at times if having ADHD brings up these memories more vividly than those who do not have the disorder. For example -of not so much the event, but the concepts learned that I’d missed that day… when I would “zone out” during a class, then have vivid recollection even though I wasn’t “there” in the moment.
Although this example holds no real emotional attachments Ioften recall things and they will replay themselves in my mind over and over.
Have I had experiences of emotions like the ones you described?… Absolutely. Some are still very raw within me, although some had transpired years ago.
I don’t feel as though I lost a part of myself, for I am whole to begin with. I do understand what you mean, though- metaphorically speaking.
I’ve felt loss and pain for what I can never get back. I remember good times and happy moments,too.
There are many paradoxes in life, and life in and of itself is a paradox as well. We cannot appreciate the light without ever having experienced darkness… however there is much to be learned while in the dark.
I treasure the memories of good times, and remember the lessons learned from painful experiences. I very much miss those who were a part of my life, if only for a short time.

By: JP (Judy)

JP (Judy) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:52:34 +0000

Even though we know death will come to all of us, an UNTIMELY DEATH takes a tremendous toll on us. I’ve had one family member and one friend who died unexpectedly and at a relatively young age. In neither case was I the most important person in their lives nor was I the person who was affected the most by their deaths but somehow their lives and their untimely deaths are indelibly marked in my memory and I know exactly why.
These two persons were charismatic in the most positive sense. They treated other people with respect and made everyone feel special. They were free with their praise, free with their warmth, and free with their time. When you talked to them, they listened intently and you would think you were the only person who mattered. They always laughed at your inane little jokes and made it clear that life is more than merely work and worry. They both had a wide, wide range of friends and acquaintances – by design – and touched the lives of more persons in one day than most people do in one week or one month. I know of very few times either of them complained seriously about life, but I came to realize after their deaths that they had experienced pain and suffering they never expressed.
While they were alive, I don’t think I fully appreciated the depth and breadth of their lives. It was only after their lives ended abruptly, shortly after unexpected illnesses, that I saw how much of their lives had been devoted to others. The number and variety of people who came to pay their respects was phenomenal yet disturbing to me. Everyone I talked to, at both services, spoke as if the deceased ones had been their very best friend and I was thinking, “I had thought he/she was MY best friend.” The realization that these two persons had meant something very special to so many people was astonishing to me and really made me wonder if any one of us “survivors” had ever communicated our love and appreciation directly to these persons before their untimely deaths!

By: Mindy

Mindy — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:35:41 +0000

I am glad you made this post. I was just talking about the loss of my nana about 7 years ago and what a void it left in my life. There are days that all I do is think of this loss. She was the only person in my family that I felt close to and I felt she understood me. Sometimes it just feels like yesterday and the other days it feels like a long time.
When she became sick, I was in the photography business and she loved to see (what she could see – she had lost most of her sight by this time) what I was working on. She always would say I wish I could be of some help.
When she did pass I had them put some of my photography in her casket to take with her. I also went to my local hospice and donated many photos to line their walls. Anytime I have an Art show I dedicate the show in her honor.
I deal with many seniors citizens in my work and I get to share my story of my nana with them and it makes me feel better. To give you some idea about her, was that she was mugged twice and she scared them both off. She was about 5 feet tall,
and she would fight instead of give away her $ 5.00.

Thanks Bryan for makig this postand lettng me talk about this, I know physically she is gone but she is still in my heart..

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:56:24 +0000

oh my Scott, I can’t imagine what you went through. The things we say sometimes, when we don’t have the chance to take them back, I know this too well… all too often our anger and impulses can get the better of us, just for a moment, but that moment is all it takes sometimes – your comment is such an important reminder for all of us to consider.

Yes, cherish the moments….

Thank you Scott,

Bryan

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:49:54 +0000

Sorry to bring you to tears Clarissa

You are so right about invoking memories is like reliving them. There have been so many times when I am writing about something in my past and suddenly I am taken to that moment through my feelings and emotions and, before I know it, those feelings / emotions have added themselves to whatever I am writing and it is as though I have captured their essence. When I was writing One Boy’s Struggle, I wrote quite a bit about my childhood best friend and those pages I lingered over forever, although what I was writing was clear, I just didn’t want to let go of those memories because I knew they would fade too quickly if I let them go…

Bests… Bryan.

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:37:29 +0000

Thank you Gina

By: Scott Hutson

Scott Hutson — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:19:45 +0000

Bryan,

You have explained very well in this post, some (if not all) feelings I think about (this subject)when I am alone.

One being a very sad moment in my life, when I was 16. There was a girl, Cheryl, who died in a head-on accident, shortly after a we had fallout in our relationship (this could an example, of your “Gossip” post in what I commented about hurting people).

The guilt can bring me to my knees, at times, when I think about how hateful my words were, and knowing I will never be able to tell Cheryl that I was always wanting to be Her true love, for the rest of Our lives, even before She knew I was ever interested in Her.

But I try to remember the joy I had when I finaly got up enough courage to ask her if she “liked me”, and She said: YES! And the great times we spent together……knowing in my heart that Cheryl loved me, for who I was, and not what I pretended to be to others.

Cherish the moments we have…..

Scott.