Comments on: Love and ADHD a Bittersweet Reality

By: betsy

betsy — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 00:32:17 +0000

Having lived with ADHD all of my life, being medicated when I was eight and by ten , I stopped the medication.

After years of turmoil, I am almost 50 years old and know that now, I need the medication.

I started the medication 2 weeks ago, and wow, feeling of normality.

Thank you Bryan for your post, it is so bittersweet. I broke up with my girlfrined a month ago and this post truly brought reality back to me.

I will now live my life to the fullest and wow others, as I do have the knack to solve problems that others are not able to.

This is the start of my second life, the life I want to live, the life I want to be a part of.

By: Relationship problems

Relationship problems — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 05:04:36 +0000

It was a tough task for him to manage himself in front of his girlfriend. Cool t-shirt, branded jeans and gelled hairs are fine to attract a girl. But what is the next stage? How will you proceed further? Communication and proper presentation skills play a major role to impress a girl.

By: Hi there

Hi there — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:26:50 +0000

Thank you. He doesn’t know anything beyond the fact that I like him and enjoy his company, and more than that he lives in the US,which I do not. I don’t have the courage to ask him to visit.

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:09:45 +0000

Fear is powerful, love is even more so. Sounds to me like you truly care about this person, caring is the cornerstone of love. I enjoyed reading your comment and I know, when the time is right, you will tell him, but I am willing to bet, he already knows

Bryan

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:53:27 +0000

Very, very nicely put Dana: “In my own opinion, it is far better to love and get hurt, rather than to NEVER experience love in my entire lifetime.”

I have always been very passionate about relationships, often going too deep without the slightest regard for getting my feelings hurt and they have been hurt, damaged, dragged to the very depths of anguish, self inflicted by not being aware of the other’s feelings and where they actually were in the relationship, what they wanted, what they needed. And yet, it is better to have loved deeply, passionately, gotten hurt, than to not have loved at all.

Thx Dana!

Bryan

By: Hi there

Hi there — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:57:23 +0000

I wanted to thank you so much for making this blog post. I discovered it through google quite randomly, and I have to say that it was just what I needed to hear. It has touched me immensely.
I do not have ADHD, but I have fallen for a man who does. I feel bizarre to say this openly because I’m a very private individual, but to me, he’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I did not know about his ADHD until very recently; I had already admired him for a year before we were able to become a bit closer, and my opinion of him hasn’t changed. I wish I could openly tell him how amazing, gorgeous, intelligent and wonderful he is without downplaying any words out of fear or pride, and I hope with all my heart that in time I will be able to do that. I’m not someone who simply acquaints themselves with a man and then begins to like them with facility. I’ve met so many men of different backgrounds, intelligence levels and ages – and so many wonderful, smart and compassionate guys, while feeling absolutely nothing for them. I’m also rather static in that my feelings do not change into romantic feelings even if I spend a large amount of time with a person. However, only once every few years, it may be even rarer than that, I encounter someone who moves and amazes me from the first moment we meet, who fires the awesome depths of my imagination, and whose outer and inner qualities make them one of the most beautiful creatures one can set eyes upon. The person I had in mind when I read your blog post does this to me, and in a way no-one has ever touched me before. In many ways, it is insane and silly and just downright absurd, but your description of what one desires are what I feel for him. I’ve been gravely hurt before and my view of love is a very strange mixture of very high idealism and weighty cynicism. For a while I tried to convince myself to let him go completely out of fear…I can’t seem to be able to do that, though.
I’d like to keep making him happy and have him know that to one person, he means more than anyone has ever meant.

By: Dana

Dana — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:59:13 +0000

Bryan,

As a true romantic, I do believe that love is possible for ADDer’s if they are willing to let go of fear, doubts and negative thinking. In my own opinion, it is far better to love and get hurt, rather than to NEVER experience love in my entire lifetime.

As you mentioned in your post, love is a risk. Some individuals who have been deeply hurt from the brutal end to a relationship may want to protect themselves and not be open to loving another individual, again.

It is understandable, but I personally believe that by saying “No” to love is like refusing to breath fresh air, to see the sunshine or to smell the sweet scent of a bouquet of flowers. How could anyone clearly want to miss out on the intense joy of loving another and being loved by another?

Bryan, you summed up very wonderfully the meaning of love! You wrote, “Love is about living. Love is about breathing. Love is about caring for someone else.

Love is about listening to someone, even when they have nothing to say that makes any sense to you. Love is not about fixing someone else’s problems. Love is about caring about someone else’s problems, even if you don’t know what to do about them.”

The greatest thing about love is that it is much like a gift. Whether you are the one receiving the gift or you are the one giving the gift, once you accept the special gift and unwrap it, you will discover that it brings so much pleasure, reward and joy!

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 07:51:39 +0000

I am glad you enjoyed this post Sherrie

You’re welcome

Bryan

By: Bryan Hutchinson

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 07:44:26 +0000

Hrmmmm Katy… wax? lol

I enjoy writing about relationships. If you’d like to print this and take it to your therapist that’s just a bonus! No charge

On a more serious note, picking partners isn’t an easy thing and I think depends a lot on what you (or anyone) are attracted to or by. What things or qualities do you look for first? Do you get to know someone for a while or go by appearances only? Don’t look for the correct answer, just THE answer, therein is much information to be ‘waxed’ about and translated. What do YOU want or need in a partner? Appearances are deceiving. I think sometimes we have a subconscious image of who or what type of person we want, but it is based on appearances and surface traits more than substance…. oh, we could certainly go on and on about this part

Bryan

By: Katy B.

Katy B. — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:58:06 +0000

Such balls of wax you insist upon pondering, Bryan.

I just ended a relationship but I will say this one important good thing…this was the first time I was able to have a relationship where I was able to let go of the need for drama. So no matter how it’s ended up, I learned something really valuable, AND was able to successfully release the drama fiend…it was NOT easy, but with practice I learned to say no to it.

As for being lovable…I know that I am lovable. What I do NOT have faith in is my ability to choose good partners. I’m enthusiastic, with lots of ideas and projects and the confidence (and impulse) to try new things. I am always picking partners who let their own insecurities about themselves crap on me. So really…does that mean that I really don’t believe that I am lovable? If I am the common denominator that keeps choosing insecure people who are hurtful to me to partner with, does that say more about them, or about me? Heh. It’s true, I have exceptionally high (often unreasonably high) expectations for myself…so I guess I probably pick these people and then THEY are hard on me, and because what they say matches up the tape I play in my own head, I don’t notice that anything is wrong.

Ouch. In any case…I don’t really trust myself to pick good partners and maybe…and I don’t say this in a mournful or depressed way, maybe that’s just a lesson that I will always struggle with. Who knows.

Man…damn you Bryan, note to self “take this to the therapists office next week” and “spend weekend repeating to self that I AM lovable, I AM”…haha…

Yeah okay…thanks for indulging my therapy moment everyone, I’ll be going now…and don’t abuse yourselves like I abuse myself…YOU are lovable, you ARE…
.-= Katy B.´s last blog ..ADHD did NOT end my relationship =-.