Have you ever wanted to be… better than you are?

Bryan,What would it/that be like? I ask that question every day. The endless chatter in my mind. Thats the big one. I listen. But I can’t hear, or I don’t hear…..or I only hear what I want to hear? I think about this alot, and I know that only I can answer that. Great advice Bryan! I’m gonna focus on relaxing, when I get moment. First I gotta find the scissors to cut the ole chatter(lol).

1. Bryan Hutchinson posted the following on November 24, 2009 at 10:34 pm.

   Cut Cut Cut!!!

   I had a sixth grade teacher that always told me to cut the chatter, and I always looked at her wondering what she was talking about – I was the quietest person in the class, but my legs bounced around a lot

   Reply to Bryan Hutchinson
2. 

Painful memories and experiences, never quite fitting in, beaten down with those hurtful remarks I can also hear resounding in my head that I often try hard to push aside and bury.

Little support and understanding by those whom I’d counted on, looked up to for reassurance that everything would be ok, to be told that I was ok, when I was too young to understand what was different about me, even though I knew I was different.

I never failed, but underachieved and it was/is like being on the outside looking in…”I’m so much smarter than this…” I would tell myself. But nothing I did made any difference. I was consistently inconsistent. A double-edged sword… for if I passed a test, yet failed the next I was made to feel like a failure.

I could not celebrate my successes, because I knew the failures were sure to follow… they always did.

These words, those feelings, the rememberies of countless failures and shortcomings outweighed and overshadowed any success I might have been proud of in those days.

I longed to be “just like everyone else.”

Over time, I grew to understand what the issue was, but it did not change things. But I am “normal” by my standards, and came to accept myself , and allowed myself to be and become who I wanted to be, not a cookie-cutter member of society. *smiles

Can you hear me?

I easily managed to spot others much like myself. They seemed to not quite understand at first why I was so accepting, until I opened up and let them know I was different, too. They blossomed, once they listened to their voices. They grew to understand not just me, but most importantly – themselves.

For those that didn’t, I’ve spent much time educating countless others… including my parents once I was diagnosed.

The voices became silent… but mine did not.

Can you hear me now?

Four of my five children also inherited ADHD. I educated the schools, doctors, and my oldest child… my only neuro-typical. I hold meetings, strive for their acceptance, celebrate the smallest of their successes, rip up report cards with negative comments, advocate for adaptations and modifications if necessary – for both them and myself.

We struggle, but one cannot make a difference without using their own voices. I wonder what it would’ve been like if I was “just like everyone else.” I push this thought away, for it is non-sensical.(Compare it to… “What would you go back and change in your life, if you could?”)

I am a realistic optimist. My reality is today, I can only stive to make each day better than the last.

Listen to my words… listen closely. There is hope for our tomorrows, today we have – our yesterdays we cannot change…

Can you hear them now?

You will never reach the top of that mountain, never catch that rose before the curtain closes, never hear the applause nor experience the feeling of triumph… if you do not try new things, make your voice heard louder than the residual others from long ago, simply accept and love yourself simply for who you are… and who you were meant to be.

Listen…