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There’s a certain question or group of questions which are basically the same that I get asked time and time again. The questions are: “What would you tell your younger self if you could go back in time?” – “What message do you have for the youth today suffering from ADHD?” – “What’s the one thing you would tell a student that would help them achieve academic success…?” And many more, but in the end the answers I give relate to all young people with ADHD, regardless of how the question is phrased:
1) Do not rely on trial and error alone.
The typical fashion young people with ADHD learn is through trial and error. I believe there are trust issues involved and of course, not wanting to be hurt or to fail in the face of others or self. I pull from my own experiences in “One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir” and explain how I did not want to learn from others, how I refused advice and mentorships simply because I thought I could ‘learn it or get it’ on my own. This is the #1 mistake, in my opinion, too many of our youth make. There’s nothing in this world so new that it has not been experienced in one way or another in the past, and with those past experiences are valuable lessons learned.
Here’s the (my) ADDer’s first rule:
Never pass up sage advice!
Not all advice will work for or with everyone and not all advice is perfect, but to refuse advice in an effort to learn it as we go is just plain hazardous and delays learning curves by years, sometimes decades, and so much can be and has been lost in that time of ‘trial and error’. Remember, you can never get the time you lose back. Time gone is time gone! We may believe that we will feel better or be better for learning it the long, hard way, but the mistakes made during that process can be extremely costly: Lost relationships, lost jobs, lost health, lost money and lost youth! That’s just to name a few things.
- Learn all you can about ADHD.
- Seek mentorships, coaches and teachers.
- Talk to people who have been there and done that.
- Even if you think you know the answer, listen anyway, take notes and continue listening.
- Be accepting of support. Accepting support today may give you powerful strength and knowledge for when you are on your own later.
Got some tips or suggestions for young folks with ADHD? Feel free to share ‘em with us.
~Bryan
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Your site is inspiring and has instantly taken away bits of the fear and the unkown of the journey I will be taking with my little boy. I am scared for him, he is so wonderful in my eyes and smart. He reads to me and tells me things about Presidents, numbers and trains.
Reply to Pam ListThank you for giving me a bit of strength.
God Bless You
I read this article. I am mother of an 8 year old boy with ADD. I need some answers on what to say to redirect my son when his impuliveness of pinching, making annoying noises, bugging his siblings in the car or at home. I have tried to redirect him, hug him, suggest other things to think about and it seems to fail, especially in the car. HELP
Reply to Paula CawleyHi Paula,
Oh, the car… yeah, I remember we drove my parents absolutely crazy. You need something that can preoccupy them completely. Comic books had that affect on me at that age; today it might be a small gaming device or something that puts him into focus mode. The problem is that the car is the most boring and frustrating place to sit for too long as an ADHD kid and its worse with siblings! My parents’ solution for long rides was to drive before dawn when we were still too tired to fight and go crazy! We would leave for our grandparents’ house (5 hour drive) at around 3am! Thinking back on it, that was very wise indeed…
Hope this helps,
Bryan
Reply to Bryan HutchinsonBryan thanks for your input. What do you recommend for Matthew when he won’t stop the picking/pinching and screaming or annoying noises in the house? I don’t know what to say before I come up with a redirect? How can I help him stop doing this by helping him understand he is doing it?
Reply to Paula CawleyHi Paula,
Somehow I had missed your comment and question. Don’t ask how, because I don’t know.
Anywho, are you already seeing a specialist concerning ADHD for your youngster? Because it sounds to me like he needs a bit more help than a few simple tips. I would consider seeking a specialist to have him evaluated and treated for ADHD. In the meantime it might help to get him outside to let go of some of that energy. Playing outside can be refreshing and calming for both adults and children. I tend to believe kids now-a-days don’t get enough time playing out in the woods and running around, all that bottled up energy simmers in them and eventually explodes, especially with kids with ADHD. Boys need to be boys (within limits of course) and when they can’t let go in the usual ways, well, without thinking about it they let go in other ways. Even so, I think there’s more to it than that in your situation. Another idea is to find things he hyper focuses on and see how you can use them to his advantage, which may help him calm down. But, it does sound to me like he needs an outlet of some sort and he is bursting at the seams.
Hope this helps a little,
Bryan
Reply to Bryan Hutchinson