I know from my nursing studies that there is plenty of evidence for the effectiveness of cognitive psychology for behavioral change and not much for other methods, and I had thought about a change before, but when the head of the nursing program told me that I had a problem that seriously threatened my ability to be successful, and then asked if I had “talked with anyone”–and when I said yes and she asked, after saying that she realized that it was not really her place to ask about that side of things, whether I had considered making a change and seeing someone else–I realized it was time to make the change.

That’s a hard thing to do after years with the same person who already knows your history in pretty great detail, but the prospect of seriously not graduating was enough to motivate me to go ahead and make the change.

I was impressed , at the appt.and think it will be a change in a positive direction.

Riri, I am glad I found this site because it is so very helpful to me to hear about others who have faced these same challenges and succeeded. My degree was supposed to take 3 years, part time. I am in my 8th semester and was supposed to graduate in May, but now, if I succeed whithout any more screw-ups whatsoever, it will be December–4-1/2 yrs. I am just glad I still have that chance.

Erich,
I soooo relate to your resistance to appearing to be making any excuses for yourself. I really struggle with feeling lazy and irresponsible.

Part of what the head of the nursing school said to me was that I had exercised extremely poor judgment (again) in not contacting any of the faculty about why my paper was late when I didn’t turn it in on time (I just uploaded it with the assignment tool when it was finally finished with an apology and an acknowledgment that I had messed up again and was ready to accept whatever consequence would follow.)

What could I say?? I had no justifiable reason. Allowances had already been given to me several times for the mental health issues, and yet, I was still failing to get the job done like everyone else. Allowances aren’t going to cut it in the real world with a job, which is the next step. So I did not make excuses because I wanted to accept consequences without excuses, which seemed the responsible thing to do. But I guess that was a pretty big error, since I have been told before that the faculty sees it differently. It is just EXTREMELY hard for me to do what feels to me like trying to excuse inexcusable behavior–what feels IRRESPONSIBLE, to me.

And I agree with Bryan. ADHD can’t make you stupid. But all the intelligence in the world isn’t worth much if you don’t have the personal skills to put it to use effectively. It takes both.

MontanaShepherdess–yes, you hit on what both my psychologists have emphasized, and what was emphasized at my appt. today. The psychologist said that taking the time for regular sleep, healthy eating without skipping meals, exercise, and at least some time for reward and enjoyable stress relieving activities is MANDATORY, not optional, for success.

I know that very well. It’s just the doing that’s hard, and it’s easier with someone else keeping track of my successes.

Sorry this is so long! Such good comments here. I am grateful for those who share their stories.

I just graduated from masters degree last December, which I took for 5 years with a lot of misery. I didn’t know about my ADD until I was in the 4th year. So, when I found out, I had this classic feeling of both relieved and sad: I wish I knew about it sooner. So, I’ve been to all of what you feel right now. I hated myself, feeling down, depressed, hopeful, succeeded, and having another failure and back to condeming myself. So, just like me, I am sure you will also achieve this one. You have all what it takes to graduate, that is, determination. I don’t think you want to give up, because otherwise wouldn’t even waste your time venting here. You would’ve just quit. Am I right? While it is understandable that you are feeling hopeless, helpless, and useless, you should also be more balanced about yourself. Venting is fine, but I would suggest that you limit it to certain of time, let say, for 15 minutes only. Or, you can even have it the whole day. But try to keep it to that certain time. Once your tears are dry, you keep moving. Afterall, you have so much in your hands already. For one, you are a mother and that’s one hell of a job (I don’t have kids, but I figured). Taking masters degree, too is one hell of a job. So, currently you are taking two hell of jobs. That’s not easy to handle. I truly commend you.

Where are you now in your masters? If you need to, you can always contact me personally. I understand the lonely feeling that you are experiencing. But now that you are here, you don’t need to feel that way anymore. Maybe I can be of some sort of help.

You will graduate.

Cheers,
Riri
Ps. Don’t bother about what people say. It’s not a necessary burden for you to take. Stay focus on yourself.

First, ADD does not MAKE anyone stupid. Clearly, just reading your comment, you are far and away not in any way related to such a term. Please, leave it behind. However, with that said, I have felt much the same way in the past and I know where you are coming from. ADD is like that, the feelings, the reactions and the actions. We know them well, but there comes a time to move on, to something better, with awareness – of course.

I love what you say there at the end:

“Vulnerability can be quite beautiful when it’s risking itself.”

I couldn’t agree more!

Bryan

Bryan

BTW, although insecurity is ugly when it’s covering itself, vulnerability can be quite beautiful when it’s risking itself.

Thanks again, Bryan, for your writing.

I am really glad to hear that you were able get your MA and that you are near the end of the doctorate, and what a great topic you have chosen. I would love to read your dissertation when it’s finished. One advantage of continued enrollment is access to databases, so perhaps when you finish, if it is in the dissertation database, it would be accessible through my school library.

And, Bryan, I do think it is the persistence that the key. It is hard to persist in the face of failure, but the rewards will never be achieved unless we persist to the end, and it is knowing what awaits if I do not give up that keeps me going.

Thanks to both of you for your service to those with faced with these challenges!

Like you, school was great until I hit upper-division courses. Then everything fell apart. I am currently writing my PhD dissertation and my director just told me it will be ANOTHER semester until I graduate.

It took me 10 years to complete my M.A.! I’m on the 7th year of my Ph.D. Some days I feel like a complete screw-up and failure about school, and the emotion is so strong that I want to hide from the world. The last 14 years have “played whaley” (<—southern term) with my self-esteem. I can TOTALLY relate to your frustrations and feelings. You're not alone, though it may feel that way!

The truth is that we're not failures. Academia can be an ESPECIALLY challenging environment for those of us with ADHD – the drop out rate in college is very high – and I'm so proud of us for sticking with it! Academia can also be a competitive and isolating environment when we (and our instructors) compare us with our peers.

We don't have to go through this alone, because we truly are NOT alone in our experiences! Since I now know MANY share our experiences, and since I believe this is a crucial issue in higher education that has yet to be examined, my dissertation is on ADHD and college writing.

I would love to chat with you more about this, as I think we share a lot of the same feelings and experiences. We could help each other focus on our ACCOMPLISHMENTS, as well as bringing a little kindness and reality to bear on what we may perceive as "additional failures." Write me!