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It’s easier alone.
So it seems.
Sometimes, the preference to be alone is so great that it is hard to break away from, it’s seductive and oh so quiet. When we are alone there is no one to judge us, no one to condemn us, moreover, there is no one to argue with.
But, alas, being alone is so lonely.
Not to know what to say, or how to say it if you did know. It’s so much better to remain in the shadow, hushed and alone. When alone, there’s no grade or compliance, there’s no role to play or correction to make. It’s easier to be alone, because, there’s no one to tell you that you are wrong, that you don’t have what it takes, that the way you live is wrong, that what you are doing is causing problems, that how you act is unacceptable.
It’s better, just to be alone?
And yet, you are not alone, no, never alone. There are so many of us that are trying to find a way, to achieve something, – to be loved, to have love, to be awarded for a great effort or talent, to be pleasing to another – to say the right things, to make the right moves and know that no matter what, no, no matter what missteps or wrong interpretations, that you will be held and held tightly, without forlorn words of why or, perchance, that you could be better. It’s all your fault, after all. As you are, it seems, simply, regrettably, not acceptable. So we come to believe when we are alone.
You are not alone.
We are more than one and you will never be alone. We share common ground, and spoken, or not, by yourself or in a crowd, we are together in our experiences, never truly, entirely, alone.
Bryan
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Dear Bryan,
You have captured the essence of my aloness. I have just been put on notice that I have 60 days to improve my work communication. I make my friends uncomfortable, my siblings think I am nuts and avoid me, and my adult children find me difficult. I can not handle one more issue so I remain alone, at the bottom of a deep well. While I long to belong, inside I know I can never be a part of anything or anyone. So while lonely, the well is cool, dark, and comforting. It never complains about me and always accepts me for who I am, and no one can see me there.
Reply to LouThank you again for reminding me that I’m not “terminally unique” in my experiences of the world. It’s amazing how ADDer World provides each of us – from all around the world and from every background – with a safe place to benefit from and contribute to these healing discussions. This forum is a terrific source of encouragement and inspiration. Thank you for another spot-on post!
Reply to JacquelynYeah, I know what it’s to be alone : I always felt alone ! Even if I was in a crowd, in a group with supposed friends, in the shops, in the streets, speaking or singing in front of people, I felt alone, strangely alone.
But this is the good news : now, I know why, I have ADHD and there is plenty of people who have it. This community is the proof of it.
It’s why it’s so important to have created it.
Reply to Véronique St-MartinOnce again, you hit the nail on the head. You can have a room full of people and you still feel alone.
Reply to MindyPeople do not understand it.
We seem to be so misunderstood by so many people!
Alone and feeling lonely? Two different things. I am alone, and I don’t feel lonely. I have to want to be alone. It would be a mortal sin against humanity to wish anyone to know what I truly know. It is also impossible for anyone to know. And honestly, from the deep depths of my heart I will plead with you…..Please do not wish to ever know…what I know.
Reply to Scott HutsonDid my last comment make any sense? Did it seem negative? It’s not, and I don’t feel lonely. Because I can relate to most, if not all other ADDers when we discuss the symptoms of Adult ADD. And I can assure you that I do understand how it feels to have ADD/ADHD.
I tell people quite often that they are not alone when I have some of the same feelings. And I am standing with you, so you are not alone.
I just will not lie to myself and think that anyone could be helped by me if I invited them into my inner very real dilema. I even have to protect myself from that and make that part of myself stand alone, and stay put. I am a very strong man on the outside, and that is what I want you and me to see here and on my own blog.
Reply to Scott HutsonEven in aloneness, never truly alone.
Reply to Bryan Hutchinson