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Have you noticed that adult ADHD is making more news lately? As a matter of fact I just read that approximately 65% of children with ADHD will grow into adults with ADHD, or rather ADD. I personally suspect that the percentage is much higher. It’s impossible to know how many adults are wondering around undiagnosed, but it’s estimated to be in the millions. I was diagnosed when I was 37 and in recent years I have met a remarkable number of adults diagnosed at a later age, some cases much later. This of course lends to the belief that ADHD isn’t real. How can so many people have it? I don’t know, but we do.
Adult ADHD is about as much a myth as Childhood ADHD. There is no myth about ADHD except for those who blow it off because they do not understand it. Most people who don’t know much about me never even realize I have it. In fact, when I explain that I have ADHD I have been told more often than not that I control it very well.
As with me, many, perhaps even most adults do not show the telling signs of physical hyperactivity which is typically associated with ADHD. Another aspect that a lot of folks do not realize, or fully consider, is that children who grow up with ADHD can actually become quite resourceful and learn many ways to counter, or hide their symptoms and make their way. Of course, making their way, does not always translate into compliance with standard norms in society or the academic world.
Adult ADHD tends to carry the unfortunate connotation of addiction, abuse, breaking the law and home-wrecking and therein is an expectation for only obvious disastrous behavior. When that disastrous behavior is not apparent then an individual cannot possibly have adult ADHD. This is a common misunderstanding. Adult ADHD is usually most obvious to those in direct daily contact with the person who has it and if this person is in a job which suits their talents and traits, it will be even less likely to be noticed. Actually, some jobs benefit from adult ADHD, especially those jobs where pressure is constant and is made up of several different types of short, but constant tasks. In many ways adults with ADHD are like lawyers who can switch from task to task incredibly fast and ’see’ ways to solve problems that others would need longer to figure out. After all, a life of problem solving does sometimes have its payoff. The more serious problems for the person with ADHD is usually an internal battle with struggles which are not always obvious to the casual observer, but are more noticeable to family members, especially to a relationship partner.
So you see, many adults with ADHD have issues and problems that are not openly apparent to observers, or if they are, they are typically written off as idiosyncrasies or eccentricities. We have learned so many survival skills over the years that we use them with great care in all things, often without consciously considering them or, in some cases, with no awareness for the coping skills that we regularly utilize. We also tend to gain, over years of strife and trying to fit in, a keen awareness of what will give us difficulty and create ways to avoid and/or modify those things. Sometimes we actually discover ways to improve and do things in better, more efficient ways for everyone. Some of us like to call that type of improving and modifying things part of our ‘gifts’. Taking these things into account it is not hard to understand why adult ADHD goes undiagnosed or why many think we grow out of childhood ADHD.
Something about adult ADHD I think is incredibly damaging is that many with adult ADHD are underestimated and worse still, underestimated by themselves.
Any one of us can give a list a mile long to verify why we think less of ourselves. I still have my old list folded up somewhere as a reminder of how I used to judge myself so harshly. I sincerly believe too many adults with ADHD refuse (as I once did) to give themselves any credit for the things they are doing well, have done well and the disasters they have overcome. We also tend to believe that the ways we do things that we have modified are somehow wicked and wrong, worse still: cheating! (Did Captain Kirk really cheat to overcome the Kobayashi Maru test? Now, there’s a debate!) Then we also have the all too common belief that sooner or later the other shoe will drop. Such invisible barriers will hold some back forever and it’s such a shame.
The key to my success with adult ADHD is I have learned to take advantage of what I do have and not dwell too long on my short-comings. I have also learned to put my past where it belongs, in the past (or in my books or on my blog). The fact is, if I hadn’t accepted my ways of thinking, ways of doing things and received competent treatment I would never have gotten out of the vicious cycle of self-sabotage, much less make it day to day without anyone out of the know suspecting adult ADHD at all!
 I believe self-sabotage is the greatest hindrance to those of us with adult ADHD. One very good example of self-sabotage is the belief we have to do everything by ourselves or the ‘go it alone’ mentality. The world wasn’t made for any one person to do everything themselves, so why do so many of us believe we have to do everything alone and/or that we are responsible for everything and anything that goes on directly around us?
The challenges of adult ADHD are very real, they are not myth! However, they can be professionally treated, overcome and even, yes, dare I say, in many cases utilized! I’ll bet that most who think that they can’t utilize any of their innate ADDer traits actually do without even realizing it. Adults with ADHD, like you and me, we are hyper aware of our short-comings, faults and other tendencies, we don’t need anyone to point them out, so I will not do so in this post, but with that, let me ask you a question:
How about listing a few ways that you utilize ADHD to your advantage?
~Bryan
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Many typical ADHD behaviors can be thankfully misinterpreted as “high status” behaviors in the right setting. Fidgeting with your Blackberry, showing up 10 minutes late to meetings, being an “idea” person who hires other to take care of details, and interrupting people are behaviors often partaken of by the successful…when they’re not annoying people
My point? I think sometimes our success depends on our ability to learn to put ourselves in situations where our “gifts” will be appreciated and perhaps useful, not disapproved of.
I have a hard time sitting in meetings where I have to just listen–but in meetings where there’s an opportunity for active brainstorming or problem solving, I get very involved and very active in encouraging others to play too because this is when I’m at my best.
At parties I have a hard time having deep conversations with people because I get distracted and antsy–but I can channel my natural excessive chattiness to break the ice with new people…and in social situations I like to use it to connect people to each other that I think will like talking to each other. This ends up being fun because I enjoy making sure other people are comfortable and included and having a good time.
And…my natural high energy (okay, okay, hyperactivity) is a huge asset in dance classes, so I take them whenever I have the time and the money.
See, it ain’t all bad…but it does take time and practice to figure out what situations are the best compliment to your quirks
Reply to Katy B.Katy, those are excellent examples of figuring out what works best for you and using your ‘brain’ to your advantage. I think it is very important to take stock of our personalized ways and figure out how to take advantage of them. We already know what’s difficult, what’s challenging and what causes us stress, but taking into account of what works can move us forward in the right direction.
Fantastic example and so well articulated… thanks!
Bryan
Reply to Bryan HutchinsonYou must be reading my mind today. The self sabotage & not giving credit for what I do accomplish has been weighing heavily lately. So, my major major problem at the moment is with my job. I took a job involving a lot of administrative tasks (it sounded interesting at the time…) back in October. At a 20% pay cut, no less… Something about always wanting to be in this particular field, & if I did not try it out when this opportunity arose, I would forever wonder “what if?”. Now I feel like I am close to a nervous breakdown. I know for certain I will never again take a job that is heavy on “administrative tasks”, but I sure do find myself struggling with what kind of job would suit me, as an ADHD (space cadet type) adult. Does anyone have suggestions about a job/career that really works for them? …or more thoughts about what to steer clear of.
Reply to DebbieHi Debbie,
‘Administrative’ isn’t the job I would recommend for someone with ADHD; however, I have met ADDer’s who do find success in jobs like that. They key for many of them is to find a routine, a way of doing things that works for them, such as using alerts in outlook, colored folders and simple time allowances per task. Easier said than done, but routines can help. You might want to try and focus on what parts of the job you enjoy the most and why, then see how that fits into your routine.
Before job hunting it’s more important to assess your own skills before considering ‘what is good for an ADDer’ because it varies. I love stuff that is exciting, switches gears quickly and the more the better. My mind has a way of tracking multiple things and the more I have to track the better my mind works. That’s not for everyone, but with ADDers it seems more common. I am a mind worker, I like to think things through and come up with ideas, which I am very good at. I also like to research allot and can discover new ways of doing things, especially in the technology fields. My first love was selling stuff, heck one of my best jobs was selling encyclopedias and it was an extremely difficult job selling those especially with prices starting near the $2k area. It’s a high risk job and rewarding because you can sell nothing and end up with no income or sell several and be basking in high commissions. I loved it even more because I became one of the best at it and very few could match my performance. With that it’s also good to be in a competitive environment, as long as there is pay off, if there is no payoff for the competitiveness then that can backfire.
Always be wary of the shiny ‘new type’ of job you might like and always consider your set of skills and what you are good at, not simply what you would like to ‘try’ because if you are not aware of your own capabilities and talents, you could put yourself in a job that you do not enjoy.
Hope that helps a little,
Bryan
Reply to Bryan HutchinsonBryan,
Great description of Adult ADHD in regards to my own state of mind(even as a child btw). The “gift” part is what has troubled me most in my life. Yes I do hyper-focus and solve problems quickly in my profession, but it causes a great deal of stress at times(most times), when I am working with others (helpers, boss’s B4 I became independent,etc..).
It is almost impossible for me to watch someone work on something, when I know I can do it quicker and much better, MY WAY. So there’s the problem you pointed out about having (wanting) to do everthing myself. Even at home, It makes no difference what it is, from building/repairing my house- to cooking dinner. I don’t do this to make others feel bad,mad,or provoke a conflict. But it will, much of the time.
I’m very lucky now to have a wife that understands my A.D.D. way of thinking. She says it’s the A.D.D. with some O.C.D.. But that’s not a good excuse for the un-finished projects I have going on around here….That’s all have time to comment about this right now, I’m gonna at least use this sunny day to make our garden’s the way they need to be….MY WAY. (lol)
Reply to Scott HutsonScott, I totally know what you mean about being able to see quicker, more efficient ways to do things. I try to accept that sometimes you just have to let people do their thing, and sometimes you have to work with people…but dammit, sometimes I just want people to get the f*** out of the way so I can get my work done
Are there things I’m not so great at? Yep…and I’m happy to delegate those to the person best suited for the task! DELEGATE AND MOVE ON! And find a project better suited to me so I can keep moving….
Reply to Katy B.Bryan -
Thank you for your article – it was relieving to know that I am not going crazy.
I was “unofficially” diagnosed with ADD in college and used Ritalin from a friend to get through aerospace engineering. But I stopped after college. I guess I figured it was a study drug and I didn’t need to deal with it anymore.
But I am now mid-30′s and have recognized a self-sabotage life pattern that I felt I couldn’t understand and worse couldn’t control.
I guess I utilized my “gifts” at problem solving, multitasking and high pressure as a career guide. That got me through NASA mission control – but then I wound up self sabotaging it – then I moved to other high pressure jobs and finally highly technical sales jobs. I just hid the failure – because it appeared to be high level promotions to everyone else.
I felt like I had strokes of genius and solved problems that no one had discovered yet – but eventually, I felt so burdened by lack of focus a fear set in of self sabotage.
I never felt like anyone understood – because it was always met with a soothing response, “You can’t be a failure when you have accomplished so much.” But I don’t think they understood. I could have done so much more but inexplicably I kept myself from achieving it.
Now that I have a family to support – I feel like not coping with it is near catastrophic for supporting the family. All of the sudden – I went high paying sales job to two job losses in a year. Drivers license suspended for too many tickets. And an upset wife for having so many half done projects.
I have felt like a high performance failure, that recently felt like I was loosing it – and that is where no one seemed to understand.
Reading your article has made me realize that I shouldn’t have ignored it after college. It is reliving to know there is an explanation and a solution.
What do you do to handle it? Ritalin? Diet? Therapy?
Thanks –
Reply to AZ DavidDavid
Wow David, NASA? Impressive. But, I do understand where you are coming from and what’s not impressive is how confusing someone who can do so much ends up making so many blunders. Yep, you may have not said that out-right, but I know what you mean.
To answer your last question: Therapy, good therapy. It’s made all the difference. You can read about my experiences in ‘One Boy’s Struggle’ or read a primer in my latest eBook for parents and teachers – there’s a section on my experiences with professional therapy.
Thanks for stopping by,
Bryan
Reply to Bryan Hutchinson