It’s true that with acceptance for who we are, and all which that encompasses, can we learn, overcome and thrive to achieve whatever kind of wonderful is for us. Far too often I read or hear people with ADHD berating themselves, putting themselves down and cursing ADHD, which is as much a part of who they are as anything else. Now, I am not saying ADHD doesn’t give us reasons to be ticked off, upset and feel dejected. Oh, it clearly does! But, you know what? No amount of self-deprecation will take ADHD away or force one’s self to be better or different or, heaven forbid, normal. It’s somewhat along the lines of a teacher scolding a child with ADHD with the intent that he can make the child realize that she is just lazy and, if she wants to enough, she can be normal and function in normal ‘accepted’ ways.
The most important thing I have learned through years of therapy is that anger, resentment and self-deprecation are ways we deal with our situations, thinking that somehow if we get upset enough that we will finally break the invisible barrier. However, in reality these behaviors and beliefs simply draw one deeper into a void. It’s not intentional; it is just the way the brain acts in a normal way in self-defense for survival. We also know that stimulation works wonders for the way our minds work and anger is very stimulating, but ultimately is also very damaging.
I have noticed that people who find good and acceptance within themselves, ALL of themselves, even the ADHD part (which let’s face it; ADHD is a part of everything we do), those people seem to thrive more and live happier lives. It’s a choice, but an extremely difficult choice to accept and allow in. Why? I think when we consider opening up and accepting ourselves as we are, it seems as though we are giving up, that we will lose some kind of vital invisible control that we think we have. It’s quite deceptive really. My personal understanding and accepting of the deception first, was also the key to unlocking my mind from the grip of anger, resentment and finally, guilt.
ADHD is neurobiological, it’s not on the sidelines as a wart is and also, unlike a wart, it cannot be removed with surgery or any other remedy. So what are the options? Give in to it and allow it to rule our lives? Or come to accept it and rule over it without fighting it, learning enough about it to use it as much as a tool as we use our emotions and feelings, or as we use our eyesight and sense of smell. When we accept who we are, all parts of who we are, the scars too, and even if it is a part called ADD or ADHD we can finally move forward and love all of ourselves in a healthy affirmative manner. And then, and only then, can we thrive in happiness and love.
An accepting, positive, self-affirming mindset isn’t going to cure ADHD, but the alternative can, and does a heck of a lot worse. One of the problems of having grown up with ADHD is that we learn to wait for the other shoe to drop. We stand on guard day and night, constantly worried that if we release our control for even a second we will fall down and get hurt, or, worse. The truth, though, is that this constant sense of distress is far more damaging and even more so, it doesn’t help. It’s a mind trick, deception of the most intimate and lasting kind. Being aware of it, accepting this truth and we gain the chance to free ourselves from it.
What I am trying to say is that YOU are AWESOME and BRILLIANT, yes, even with ADHD! Now, you discover that, if you haven’t already, and watch the world change before you.
If you have ADHD or ADD, please know that you are more than any label, but also know that without your ADHD or ADD, you would not be who you are. That’s a simple fact we tend to overlook when searching forevermore for a cure, or, cursing it. Because when we curse it, we in affect, curse ourselves. Acceptance is about as close to any cure as any of us will find and let me tell you, from my own experiences, acceptance is the most powerful antidote in existence.
Remember, you are absolutely, unconditionally awesome!
Yes, indeed, you are! Believe it.
(you can download this article in a nicely formated PDF <- Right click and save target as.)
~Bryan
