When we start thinking about how terrible we have it with ADHD, take a moment to remember that we are human, we do not have to rely on our instincts alone, we can change, modify and improve and sometimes it is not ADHD that holds us back, it is our attitude.
ADHD is not curable, but attitude is, even so, doing something about one’s attitude is hard work. Let’s consider blurting things out; is it the process of blurting that gets one in trouble or what one blurts out?
Whether we realize it or not, what we blurt reveals our attitude and true inner thoughts to the world, or at least to anyone nearby. The basic issue is that blurting is normally just an awkward happenstance, which is sometimes embarrassing and usually uncomfortable, but when we lose friends, jobs and get ourselves in deep trouble because of it, then it’s not the blurting in of itself that is causing problems, it’s what is being said. What we say is controlled by what we are thinking and what our attitude currently is. Knowing, understanding and admitting this can change one’s life, I know from experience.
Can you imagine someone with a cheerful attitude getting in a lot of trouble blurting things like “Happy!”, “Roses!” and “Great day!” Probably not, – but why not? Because even though it might be weird and peculiar, and may even raise an eyebrow, it’s not hurtful, mean or degrading or otherwise overly negative. Now, if someone blurts out obscenities or that they hate someone or say something otherwise degrading or disrespectful or just plain mean, then it becomes what was blurted out and guess what: that part is curable even if one never stops blurting. What we say is not ADHD, wreaking havoc with our professional and personal lives, even though the blurting part is!
Think about the last time you got in trouble for blurting, I mean serious trouble, not just because it was an interruption or embarrassing. What was it that you said? Think about it for a moment. Once the cat is out of the bag, saying we have ADHD cannot save us and quite frankly, it shouldn’t.
Even if we never control our blurting, can we change our attitude, our perspective and disposition and hence, what we say? Yes, of course we can, even if we have ADHD! That’s also why what we say can get us in so much trouble.
It is not always the ADHD symptoms that get us in hot water; it’s what those symptoms sometimes reveal about our thoughts, beliefs and overall personal points of view. We, as ADDers, have built in truth detectors via our ADHD symptoms, and we can’t completely turn off the blurting, but we do have the power to change what is being said when we blurt. Sometimes we don’t realize this, because we are so focused on the ADHD symptoms that we do not actually realize what is within our personal control. When we change, improve and modify our attitude, so too do we change, improve and modify what we blurt. If we are not thinking it, then we won’t blurt it! Plain and simple. Easy? I didn’t say that.
Of course, normal people don’t have this problem. Right? Perhaps not to the extent we do, of course not, but attitude always shines through from everyone in one way or another, it just so happens that ours can be more obvious when we blurt it out.
If someone blurts that they hate you, are you going to want to be around them, keep them on as an assistant or otherwise be friends with them? If someone blurts out that they think you are awesome, are you going to want to be around them, keep them on as an assistant or otherwise be friends with them? Both examples may be unique, but both examples show that sometimes it is not the act of blurting that is the problem.
ADHD is not a thoughts, moral or attitude based disorder! It’s a behavioral disorder and there is a difference.
This post is not to say ADHD doesn’t cause us serious life challenges, because it clearly does, especially with blurting, but sometimes, yes, sometimes, we get mixed up on what is an ADHD problem and what is not.
~Bryan
