The ability to say “No.” and when to say it is very important and it can save you a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.
I’ve written that people with ADHD tend to be people pleasers and this “pleaser” part of us can cause a lot of unnecessary problems. It can, and yet it is often avoidable.
You want to be helpful and do favors for others.
That’s wonderful and admirable, but if you know you are not going to be able to stay committed because of your ADHD symptoms, then it might be best to pass and say “No.”
I’ve met too many people who take on situations that they are absolutely not suited for because those situations require them to rely on areas they are weak in, but for whatever reason they felt compelled to say “Yes.”
If you’re like me, you might be stubborn and absolutely want to prove to yourself that you can do something, and yet, the reality is, especially with ADHD, it can be like beating your head against a wall.
Don’t do that. Beating your head against a wall is unnecessary and besides, it hurts.
Diagnosis and therapy taught me that I am better than I think I am, because for too long I had only focused my attention on my weaknesses.
I always thought that I needed to improve my weaknesses, so much so that all I would do was only focus on improving them and this naturally led to frustration, anger and self-resentment.
I am sure you can imagine the constant disappointment I experienced.
Not to mention the people I let down by trying to do things that I shouldn’t have committed to.
Once I learned to refocus on my strengths and work towards improving them, I then realized what I should and shouldn’t commit to and when I should or shouldn’t say “Yes.”
I’ll be honest with you, there are a lot of people out there who won’t take no for an answer and there are people who will ask you to do things even though, or because, they know those things are difficult for you.
That’s unfortunate, but it is reality.
When you say “No.” to those types of people you may be risking your friendship or create a very uncomfortable situation, but if you say “Yes.” and you are unable to follow through the results can be much worse.
You know that already, but it is still very difficult to say “No.” sometimes. Isn’t it?
Awareness is the key.
I think we are all innately aware of what we are and are not good at and that is vitally important for people with ADHD.
If you’re asked to do a favor for someone that requires a high level of ability in the areas of your weaknesses it is probably best to say “No.” You might hurt their feelings, true and a way to avoid that is to explain you’d like to help, but quite honestly, that’s not something you can help them with.
Here’s a tip:
Honesty is the best policy, instead of just saying “No.” follow it with the truth as to why you are turning him or her down. If the person understands your perspective perhaps he or she will be more understanding (not always).
No one is good at everything and we are not all capable of doing everything, even when ADHD is not a factor, so I think it is reasonable to be honest and turn down requests accordingly.
It might save a friendship in the long run.
Do you agree that this is important? Share in the comments.
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