ADHD are symptoms of a magnitude and force which no one, and I mean, no one, who does not have ADHD can truly empathize with, because, no matter how well they understand our symptoms and can explain them with detailed clarity, they do not live with them as part of their self-internal life force. And, as much as each of us relates so well with each other that have ADHD, there are even differences between us that elude our recognition – no matter how familiar we are with each other, and, we are, remarkably, naturally familiar with each other. This is the reason that our personal stories and our personal insights help each other so much.

Try as we might, with the seemingly futile efforts of separating ourselves from ADHD, when it is a part of everything we do and everything we think. Others would have us view and define ADHD as a label, as somehow separate from who we are, in the hope that we can rise above ADHD and with that, leave it behind. This is the issue for which ADHD causes so much misery for so many – to somehow think and believe that ADHD is separate from who we are and therefore we can leave it behind and overcome it in a way that it no longer exists within us. And then, perchance we believe that we have done exactly this, left it behind, and then, out of seemingly nowhere, the symptoms arise again – oh the failure, the defeat, the thoughts of how inferior we must indeed be – pathetic beings that we are.

From our failures we look for fault and blame – while we do this we gain a curved perception of others, who have been blessed with what we see as normalcy. Ah, the envy to be normal – the jealousy to be complete and the wanting to be whole. The holy grail of the ADHD mind is to ‘recover’, sometimes the exact thing which defies our ‘recovery’ is this holy grail of being ‘like others’ who are ‘normal’. Recovery indicates that ADHD is separate from who we are and that at some time in our past it did not exist within us – having been purged of it, we can then ‘recover’.

There is no recovery process for overcoming ADHD, because, ADHD never leaves us – ever. The recovery, which doctors and psychotherapists speak of, I believe is a different kind of recovery and it is that which the focus of resolving ADHD should be on. Let’s replace the word recovery with another word, one that is far more accurate and tangible than many realize at first glance: Acceptance.

When we look upon others who have ADHD and are achieving great things, the first instinct is to look away, to not dream of ‘more’. And that, in my view, is wrong. No, it is more suitable, in my opinion, to not look at those who have achieved great success as better or as something we must attain in as far as their material gains. But look at them we should, to study them and ask ourselves the ultimate questions:

Why?

There is always that question, and the answer to that question holds the key to something far more important than any one person’s achievements or successes.

How?

We should not be afraid to ask these questions and to seek the answers. It is only in seeking these answers that we can find them. The knowledge that others seem to have found answers helps us push on.

Nothing has ever been accomplished by human beings without those two questions: Why? And, How?

You do not have to win a gold medal and you do not have to invent the next form of artificial light, or, draw the next painting which will become the hallmark of an era. No, these are not the reasons to ask the questions. There’s something else. To achieve any great success one must have something. Is it grit? Is it tenacity? Is it hope? Is it motivation? Is it inspiration? – Yes, it is all of these things, but, these things come from something else:

Acceptance.

Acceptance liberated me from seeing ADHD as a label or, the symptoms of ADHD as something separate from me. It was through psychotherapy that I found an understanding for what awareness truly is and how certain aspects of ourselves try to protect us, but, at the same time, through that protection, also circumvent us from achieving or finding any kind of success, or, happiness.

If you find yourself intrigued by this blog post, let me lead you to a book which could change your perceptions of how ADHD is affecting you. Now, the trick is, I am not simply talking about the ‘symptoms’ per se, but, rather the consequences of those symptoms over time and how we have judged and characterized them over the span of our lives. Our characterizations and judgments may be giving far more power to the term ADHD than most of us realize. The book is called “The Art of Confident Living” by Bryan (great name!) Robinson Ph.D. Bryan Robinson’s book is not about ADHD; it is about how certain aspects of who we are, which have developed from our experiences, judgments and characterizations, try to take over in order to protect ourselves.

The more people I meet and talk to, with concern to Adult ADHD, is convincing me that treating the symptoms without treating the psychological aspects of the mind, as a whole, is like fishing in a lake without any fish in it. There are reasons habitual thoughts are hard to break, there are reasons why we repeat certain things over and over again and sometimes, it’s not the symptoms of ADHD alone always doing that – rather it’s sometimes the result of past experiences connected to how ADHD has affected us and the external consequences of given past situations. Have you ever believed that something is the way it is and it just is and nothing you can do will change it? I have. That’s just the way it is – - or, is it?

~Bryan

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Now, one of the things that is remarkable about folks with ADHD is that we usually do not copy or do anything exactly the way it was shown, or, described to us. What is so great and/or remarkable about that?

Simple answer:

Because nothing has ever been modified, improved and expanded upon by doing the exact same thing that has always been done. If you want to go to the next level or find another way of doing something, well, go out and find yourself an ADDer and show him, or her, what you want done. Mix well and come back in a day or two. The odds are you have just advanced on something which many may have thought could never be modified, improved or expanded on.

The natural reaction after showing something to someone and getting a different result is disappointment and disapproval… my personal advice: Take a closer look, the end result might just be something better.

Ask Richard Branson, Seth Godin, Ty Pennington, Albert Einstein, and Me and YOU… all with ADHD and all innovators! If you look at all the great innovators, inventors and trendsetters you are likely to find someone with the symptoms of ADHD, I believe ADHD is becoming a common denominator. Think Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and Benjamin Franklin just to name a few more. I am sure you can add a few names to this list… be sure to add your own while you are at it!

Have a delightfully creative day!

Bryan

PS: This post was originally posted by me on our community website, if you would like to read the comments, you can do that here. By the way, in a comment by Lizard, she pointed out that the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows! Now think about that a moment – what if you were to create a portrait in an art class without eyebrows? Would that be acceptable or considered a mistake?

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Some days, they pass so slowly and some days, they pass so fast. When we wake, nobody knows which type of day it will be.

There can be no preconceived plans without adaptation. There can be no reality without visiting our dreamlands. There can be no pleasure without intense pain. Everything has its price and it seems to me our price is higher and higher and is too unbelievably excessive!

We know we can – we know… there’s that place… right there – inside each and every one of us. You and me. That Special Feeling inside, inside our hearts, inside our minds, inside, yes, inside our very souls. When we reach it, but… oh, it’s just out of reach and so far away, and right… right there, just right there in front of us. You can see it, you can feel it and some days, on the good ones, you can almost touch it, just almost.

Don’t give up, no, never – never ever do that! Don’t give up. And we don’t – we survive, we are survivors each and every one of us.

Yes, we are survivors… our traits, our wits, our passions and our pleasures and yes, even our challenges… those things, those things make us, we continue, we continue to go on… day after day… day after day!

 There are things we can do so well, instead we go day to day, never halting our focus, our focus on survival – the fear of letting go of surviving, it’s… what we do every day.

The lock, the key, to put to rest the worries, the fears, the instinct to survive every minute, every hour and every day… to put to rest the worries, the fears, brings upon us… brings…

Brings upon us… the power, the tenacity, the passion and the knowledge to…

Thrive!

Perhaps, just perhaps, mind you, perhaps our grip on merely surviving day to day is the ultimate barrier, the decisive factor between fight and flight – surviving and thriving!

As adults with ADHD, we have gone through lifetimes of just making it, forgetting things and waiting for the other shoe to drop. For far too many of us, we lived through a childhood of always doing the wrong things, forgetting our homework or just not doing it and as we grew older, into the adults we are now, we never forgot those feelings, those childhood emotional fears of catastrophe striking us at any time. Sometimes the past never goes away and lives within us day to day, keeping us in a constant crouch – ready to jump at any given moment… Those same fears and those same emotions, those same feelings of not being good enough, for some of us they create a belief so powerful that nothing anyone says and no matter the proof, nothing seems to have the power to overcome those past memories which lurk within still creating havoc, even to this day… perhaps, I say again, just perhaps, that’s something to think about. When we break things down, and explain those things to ourselves, is the glass half full or half empty? It can go either way; you choose which way it goes, just like I do. I had help… sometimes that’s what we need… help. Nothing wrong with that, nothing at all, it’s a brave thing to do and it can be the right thing to do! 

~Bryan

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Not everyone will become the best or find life sustaining success in the area of their desires; therefore, it is more appropriate to be realistic and join the conveyer belt of the modern world. It’s an inspiring reality, right? It is what it is…

The most significant improvements in my life came through therapy and discovering that negative thinking and self defeating thoughts were holding me back, this was long before I was diagnosed with ADHD. I also discovered that I was always trying to live up to the expectations of others and their beliefs. It was a difficult, tragic and unfulfilling way to live. I am thankful that I was diagnosed with ADHD after my therapist worked his way through my developed negative thinking patterns. That’s right ‘developed’, developed for survival, ADHD affects our entire lives and has repercussions far beyond the symptoms – those repercussions help develop our experiences and our beliefs. If I had been diagnosed with ADHD at the onset of therapy, I think it would have been much more difficult to get well, because, I may have developed a seemingly verifiable belief that the symptoms of ADHD prevent improvement and that my lot in life is what it is and nothing can change that. What proof would it have taken to recover? Thankfully, the proof came with the differences in my life via therapy and a new found way of thinking in a healthy, life sustaining and life fulfilling way before the diagnosis of ADHD!

There is a secret to overcoming ADHD. I have discovered it. The secret to overcoming ADHD is to accept it as part of who we are. There is no cure for it, it’s not going anywhere.  The impact of the symptoms of ADHD can be limited, in some cases controlled and we can develop ADHD characteristics which can become benefits. It’s a matter of perspective and belief. Yes, you and I have verifiable experiences which prove how devastating ADHD can be. Those experiences are powerful and are easy to validate and build upon. Building upon negative experiences, no matter how real and how much influence they have had, only builds more negative experiences. It’s the perpetual belief that the haves will always have and the have not’s will always have not…   Deal with it… right? It is what it is… no, nothing is what it is… life is not that simple or easy. Everything is what we make it to be, if we want it to be better, it can be better. Maybe things will not improve overnight, but, they can improve – unless you are proving to yourself otherwise. The secret to overcoming ADHD is that it is not a label, it is not an extension of ourselves, it is a part of our being and it encompasses everything we do. The secret to ADHD is to accept it, work with it and not allow the negativity to build or have power, no matter how difficult or challenging circumstances may be. The secret to overcoming ADHD is to realize that negative thinking is separate from ADHD, it can be a result, a consequence, however, negative thinking - defeat, and the results there of, are not in of themselves alone ADHD.

I truly believe that negative thinking is far more devastating than ADHD. That’s my belief – I had the benefit of therapy first and it made a significant difference.

Recently, Jennifer Kuntzi wrote my bio for use on my websites and speaking engagements. In order to write my bio she needed to ask a few penatrating questions. I would like to share with you one particular question and my answer:

4.  How have your views on ADHD changed since your diagnosis, if they have?

My views continue to progress. There are so many characteristics to ADHD and we do not all share each and every one of them. As I get to know more people with ADHD I have noticed what is most often different is the degree to which we have been affected and the type of support we have received, if any. Too many are angry, depressed and filled with doubt and self defeatism. And it’s not a surprise the way society has treated many of us, within families even and the fact that treatment is too often ineffectual, because ADHD isn’t universally understood in all it’s type and sub-type glory. I do my best to reach out, tell my story and offer support and encouragement from my own experiences. Too many with ADHD are living in defeat and refuse to believe there is any way to higher ground, what’s worse is that some seek out verification that they are failures, they will argue the point until they are convinced all over again. I have been there and I have done that, it doesn’t help and it makes things far more difficult. I believe in positive thinking, positive redirection and positive reinforcement – it has worked in my life and I know it can work for others too. It’s the founding principle behind all that I do. You’ve read my book, you know how far down I was. If I wanted to I could argue with the best of them that I was worse off, hated myself etc, etc. Sometimes that’s what is wanted. It’s a truth that pains me. There is no quick cure or solution and that’s a crucial issue. We do not have patience. Remember, it took me a decade of therapy and good mentorship to learn the value of positive thinking and how devastating our negative, self-defeating thoughts can be. Now-a-day’s many think my case of ADD is mild and do not realize or want to give credit to the hard work I went through to improve myself, because, the fact of the matter is, if it works for me – why can’t it work for others? It can, nevertheless, too many do not want to face that rocky, uphill road which involves a clear, honest look in the mirror.  It’s my goal to help others realize that yes, we indeed can, but it’s not going to happen in a day or a week, still, with constant positive reminders it can be done, we can get better and we will get better. Let’s hope everyone comes to a point when others think their ADD is either very mild or non-existent.

If there is one thing I have learned in my life and hold to be truer above all other truths is that negative thinking is the most damaging and life wasting thing to do. It’s habitual, it’s easy and for those of us with ADHD we have seemingly natural justifications for it. And this is part of the basis behind the ADDer World Social Network founding principle:

 We are capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for. Feelings of defeat and rejection are far too common and have far too much control over us; they hold us back and make us feel lesser than what we are. It doesn’t have to be that way, it should never be that way – for anyone, or, for any reason.

That’s why I created ADDerWorld.ning.com, to bring us together as a community, to build each other up, and to help each other realize our potential. Together we take steps forward that continue to go forward. And if we do take steps back, we are here for each other to lift each other up and keep on keeping on.

It doesn’t matter if you believe ADHD is a Gift or a Curse or a ‘condition’, it only matters that you have resources that work for you, your spouse or your children. I believe in positive thinking, positive redirection and community. It’s not always easy, but nothing truly worth it ever is. 

Now, for the real secret: There is no secret! The problem with positive thinking in the modern world is that it is hard work, it is not easy and there are just too many factors which cultivate negative thoughts and beliefs. Everything seems to be instant in today’s world, we are taught in the now, now, now, we have become reactionary, and yet, anything worth its salt takes time to be cultivated and nurtured. Instant demands and instant changes are not helpful, and are, in fact, usually short lasting. And then there are some people who are just plain mean and live to tear others down, their hopes, their dreams and their aspirations. Bullies, they are a part of our living culture – we must learn to recognize them and learn strategies to reduce their influence.

Here are some tips that I live by:

1) Do not hang around and befriend negative people, or, people who try to control you and keep you within a box of their vision of you. Your vision of you is the most important vision and is the ultimate vision that will form your future.

2) Debating with others about who you are is useless. You are who you are, only you have the power to change what you think and believe. Inform yourself, discuss the issues, but, never enter a debate about who you are. Trying to prove who you are only indicates that you, yourself, are not sure of who you are. That may be true and in that case I recommend finding a good therapist and perhaps a coach and/or mentor. I recommend a good coach and/or mentor in any case – I have found such resources indispensible.

3) Trying to change another person’s belief through argument or debate is an energy drainer and can be destructive. Many wars have started on this very principle. Example: If you want to believe ADHD is a gift, more power to you, especially if it empowers you to feel better, be better and move forward. Belief’s have incredible power. If you want to believe ADHD is only destructive and has no positive qualities, well, that’s up to you – I present my experiences, take them or leave them, it’s not a debate for me. I will continue to move forward. How are you doing with that? … see how it starts? It’s not worth it. This doesn’t mean I can’t take a stand.

4) Find things to do that empower you, befriend people that empower you, watch movies, listen to music and join support groups that empower you.

5) Find things in your job, your home and everywhere you go that you like and expand on them. Find things to like and appreciate in all the things you are involved with.

6) In any situation that a negative feeling or thought pops up in your mind, take a moment and ask yourself what 5 things are positive about this situation, or, what can I make positive about this. 5 things for every 1 negative thought or feeling. Over time, this one thing, above so many others, can change everything!

7) Build others up, support them and take time to be considerate of others thoughts and feelings, no matter what they may be. Be positive, be a builder and a creator in all the things that you do.

The reality of these tips is that all of them are hard work and demand constant reminders. It takes will power and a cultivation of strong, empowering character – it’s tough for people without ADHD, so give yourself some room to improve with time. Being positive alone doesn’t cure ADHD. Nothing cures ADHD. However, a healthy, positive attitude can create energy and willpower. Having ADHD may not be fair, but we have it and must find ways forward, whichever ways that work for us. I have my way. – Would you like my step by step plan? Take a step forward, then another and if you take a step back, that’s okay, find those who will support you in taking another, new step forward.

Build.

Which one empowers you:

Yes, I can

No, I can’t

The proof I gather is the proof I live by. Sometimes I have to take a step back and examine the proof I am gathering. Does the proof support “Yes, I can” or “No, I can’t”?

Finally, if positive thinking is such hard work for people without ADHD – how can I possible do it? First, you and I are not the center of the universe, the world revolves around communication and interaction with others, we must learn to recognize support as imperative. You decide which support works for you. Find an ADHD support group in your area, seek a therapist who is highly recommended and be aware of the things you say through-out the day. You can start right now, by forming your phrases into positive affirmations. Consider the things you say about yourself (we do it all the time), we are often our most critical critics internally and it is very hard, so very hard to move forward when we constantly criticize ourselves. Start a positive journal, only write positive things in it day to day, a little more each day. 

Together, supporting each other, believing in each other – we can.

I am respectful of others, their thoughts, their beliefs and their opinions. I treat others as I would like for them to treat me, if they treat me the same or not, doesn’t matter. If we learn to treat our friends, our parents, our children, our bosses, our teachers and our peers with respect and courtesy, reciprocated or not, this builds character within. It’s not a matter of being liked, it’s about building our very own ever powerful internal self-respect. It makes me feel better about my day, the people around me and myself. 

~Bryan

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I am pleased, proud and thankful to announce the publication of my new book: The Brilliant Reality of ADHD!

In many ways The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is a continuation of my first book One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir and in many ways it set’s itself apart.

When I started writing openly on the Internet, on this blog, I wrote strictly from my experiences, my life, my lessons learned and most of all, from my heart. I still write from all of those things and my writing has become enhanced by you, the readers. Thanks to your emails, your comments, your encouragements and yes, also your critique, my views and opinions have broadened beyond what I could have ever imagined. Thank you!

A brief history:

When I began writing my first book One Boy’s Struggle I had no intention of publishing it. It was an effort to get my thoughts into print for myself. After years of professional therapy to overcome depression and PTSD, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and with the diagnosis came a rush of understanding that was both exhilarating and maddening – I was upset, frustrated and initially my depression set back in with the oldest question of questions: Why me?

A special thanks to Dr. Gary! He helped me learn how my experiences gave me a special set of survival skills and he helped me see how the ways I created to cope with undiagnosed ADD were used to survive, but not only simply survive: also to rise and to thrive beyond the expectations of anyone, especially myself. Like too many others, I did not have any advantage that may come with early diagnosis or medication or specific consideration. Through it all, I had to make it, find ways and it all depended on me with no regard to the underlying condition of ADHD. With my life story One Boy’s Struggle I decided to revise it by explaining, the best I could, how my survival skills came about, how they eventually worked to my advantage and why – hence the eventual subtitle Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD. – With this, it became obvious how important and helpful my book could be for others who have suffered and, in many cases, are still suffering from undiagnosed and diagnosed ADHD, my books and efforts are for people with ADHD of all ages and parents, educators, professionals, everyone.

A Brilliant Reality:

I am making it and I believe you can too, anyone can, we just have to find our way and it is my hope, as it has been, that my stories and experiences, lessons learned and tribulations endured and happiness found will help you and others find a way. You can, I can, we all can!

Let’s be there for each other and lift each other up, congratulate each other, praise each other and console each other when needed, but most of all: Let’s care. That is what I have found in the ADHD community, along with those who support us – I like to call this:

The Brilliant Reality of ADHD

You and me

  —–

ADHD 

Is it a Gift? Or is it a Curse? 

I am a positive thinker. I do not believe in doom and gloom, – well, let me be candid here, I should put in there “not anymore”, because, I used to be. I used to hate myself and hate my confusing habits, but, you know what? In order to even be diagnosed properly with ADHD my therapist needed almost a decade to sort through and help me understand my pessimism, my self depreciation, loathing and disrespect of my own life, before, the reality of my underlying condition could be properly recognized and treated. Once ADHD was clearly diagnosed I was finally able to get the proper assistance I needed, along with the therapy I was already receiving. Diagnosis gave me a better understanding of why. It seems all of my life I was always asking that confounding question “Why me???” Diagnosis gave me direction, awareness and pride – pride for not being stupid, lazy or crazy! What’s so wrong with that? 

Since the early days of therapy Dr. Gary (my therapist) made clear to me that negative thinking, and stress there from, could possibly be the most damaging aspect of one’s overall health. I had many symptoms of illness that it was ridiculous and I couldn’t get past any of them. I truly believed that I deserved to be sick, it was my fault – I couldn’t live up to anyone’s expectations. “You could be so much Bryan, if you just want to be.” I know, I know, but, really, I can’t and I won’t, so just go away, leave me alone. Self pity much? It was pathetic. It was my Pathetic Reality. That’s how I thought of it. 

Today is a different day for me. I consider anyone and everyone to be Brilliant in their own special way. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that we are not alone, people care and there is help to be found. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that we are alive, breathing the crisp morning air and have a chance to be something more than what we thought we could be. Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow can be a better day and today isn’t so bad anyway. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD, or even LIFE, is that we can be loved and we can love. I am damn proud to be me and I am damn proud in how far I have come in my own self awareness and ability to live a positive fulfilling life in the way that I want to. I tried ever so hard to be what other people wanted me to be and I failed constantly, and with that failure I just could not measure up. In being who I am I can be better for others too. What’s wrong with “Yes we can!”? There is no problem in “Yes we can!” The problem is for those who haven’t found their way yet and can’t or won’t believe that there is a way and they want others to believe that too. It becomes: 

The Curse of ADHD!  

Oh, that’s positive, that’s a step forward, oh, the accomplishments indeed. I feel valued and alive in such a statement. Well, maybe not! My mother often said to me “Nobody ever did anything with ‘I can’t’” and at the time I couldn’t. Yes I can! Yes I will and Yes I have. ADDers do this can’t stuff to fellow ADDers: Okay, now it’s time to get a grip before you seem narcissistic or egotistic. Step forward to be knocked back a few steps. The support system is geared to get you there and then once your there, to knock you back before you inspire anyone or give them any false hope. Maybe that’s not entirely the case, but, that’s how it comes across. Can’t be everything to everyone. There’s that word again ‘can’t’ and who doesn’t agree with that? Should I title my new book The Sad Reality of ADHD? I can, but I ‘won’t’. 

When there is a will there is a way. There really is. But that’s the problem with ADHD, the ‘will’ part seems to be missing. However, there is treatment available, there are people who care, there is a way and maybe, just maybe there is a step forward, a light at the end of the tunnel. There is no cure for ADHD and yet it can be managed. It will always be there and it will always provide challenges, but if you think for a moment that anyone else on earth doesn’t have challenges to overcome with or without ADHD you are way mistaken. The grass is always greener.  The air is always better over there. Challenges can make us or break us and with ADHD, the breaking part is way too often the case. It doesn’t have to be. With a proper diagnosis and proper treatment – whatever that might be for the person with ADHD – things can be better. For some they haven’t gotten there yet and that doesn’t mean they won’t get there. If they think they ‘can’t’ they won’t.  

The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that when there is a will, there is a way – yes we can and yes we will! The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that you and me, we are not alone in our struggles and our challenges. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that when properly treated, even with ADHD, great things can be achieved! And who defines what is great? Each individual for him or herself. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are worthless and that ADHD will hold you back from a fulfilling life or that your child will never be able to grow up successful to raise a family or care for others. Nobody ever did anything with ‘can’t’ and nobody ever will. If you’re not there yet – keep on keeping on. You do not have to do it on your own, find the ones who care, who understand, and above all, who are supportive. 

You are The Brilliant Reality of ADHD – even if you do not have ADHD and you are supporting those who do have ADHD, then yes, you are indeed The Brilliant Reality of ADHD! The Brilliant Reality is not about having ADHD, it is about LIFE and being in it! 

Have a delightfully brilliant day! 

~Bryan

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I was reading a very interesting article by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen and thought I would share it with you. It’s a very good article, one with which I concur.

What you believe will come true because you will subconsciously and consciously act in ways that cause the event to happen. Self fulfilling prophecies are powerful. ~ from Laurie’s article.

What caught my attention the most in Laurie’s article is the fact that negative beliefs are far more powerful and likely to come true. When I think about it, I can’t help but agree. I think for those with ADHD this situation is even more serious due to the reactions and actions of society towards us and our extensive capacity to visualize our dreamscapes and nightmares.

Many ADDers have been criticized since a very young age and therefore negative thinking has become a part of our being, where each and every thought is weighed with reluctance and fear. What trouble will I be in today – what will I say wrong – who will try to hurt me today – who will not accept me for who I am – why do I inspire jealousy and envy or why do people want to hate me first and ask questions later?

The list is endless. To us, these questions are rational and often considered a matter of survival. The reality is that by asking ourselves these questions we can draw these things to us by our actions and reactions there of. 

Still, the argument is strong, you know it’s not hard to see the reactions of society towards ADDers – observe for a while the way an ADDer is treated, it doesn’t take very long and we can spot the actions and reactions both negative and positive clearly. It’s not imagined, even in the news you can read it daily, just example my ‘bored‘ article from the other day or several other articles I have quoted from news sources where ADDers are taken to task simply because they have the diagnosis. There’s a word I am looking for here…

It’s kind of hard to think positive and have a positive forward outlook when almost every article which comes out in the news about those with ADHD is telling us how dreadful we have it and how future success for those ‘afflicted’ with ADHD is lower than the rest of society not ‘afflicted’ with ADHD. Sorry Michael Phelps, Richard Branson, Albert Einstein and the countless others of abundant success with ADHD – you all are exceptions to the rule and the rule is law… so they say.

We have those who try to make it harder for us by being offended by our very existence – that includes some ADDers against ADDers. Jealousy, envy or just plain meanness and intolerance, the pretext doesn’t matter, but the cause and effect does matter.

And let’s not forget about… As if that is not enough… no, actually, that is enough! For Pete’s sake alive – give us a break.

First, though, we need to give ourselves a break.

The reason self fulfilling prophecies are more apt to come true when they are negative is because they require very little work and seems as though society is predisposed to assist us with pessimistic suppositions. If you think about it, thinking positive has many critics even for people without any learning disorder, countless thousands crying out to those who would dare to think positive, to have aspirations beyond their current status quo.
 
But it does not have to be that way. It just doesn’t.

In my memoir there are several very important themes and the one constant theme, which is most important throughout the pages of my book, is that one must learn to think positive, using the “Special Feeling” inside, which I believe we all have. Without positive thinking you would not be reading this, my book or know that I exist.

The point is simple. Positive thinking is about you. Positive thinking is about me. Positive thinking is NOT about them. Only you can control your thoughts and your actions. Only you have the power to overcome and succeed. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are – it just doesn’t. It’s all about you.

Negative beliefs and thinking can be so ingrained into our systems that we do not even realize the harmful power those thoughts have over us or that they are there to begin with. When I first sought therapy I had no clue what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was, I did not understand depression and I had never considered ADHD to be anything more than a childhood issue and I only had a faint awareness at that. Therapy helped me see my thoughts for what they were, to hear them out loud and understand their devastating effects on my past, present and future.

Self fulfilling prophecies work on a very simple foundation. Simple, yes, but oh so very powerful! If you believe in something enough, then your subconscious and conscious mind will work in that direction. Just remember though, what you think and what you believe is within your power to control be it negative, positive, pessimistic or encouraging. It’s up to you. Your reaction to this knowledge can help you realize this for yourself. This does not give you the power to control others, but it does give you the power to feel good about yourself at all times.

Take a stand for yourself. If you are upset and disgusted by the negative actions and reactions by society and some in the news media towards ADDers then the best thing you can do is take control of you, because if they control you then you will never be free and your destiny will still be the result of not them, but rather yourself. Don’t think I know? Read about my life in my memoir and you will understand how negative and self depreciated I once was. No, I am not free of negativity and ramifications, but I have control over my thoughts and considerations.

Create your future today, be positive and things can work out the way you design them. Treat others as you would have them treat you. If someone treats you badly or with disrespect, remember to treat them with kindness and respect in return. I believe our thoughts and character are a product of karma, you get what you give. What do you think?

There is a lot of good information about ADHD on the web and a lot of supportive people who care. Surround yourself with positive voices and positive feedback. It will infect you with good humor, cheer and positive thoughts – but, only if you let it – which as I have pointed out, works the other way as well. It’s your choice. It’s your freedom ~ The Bryan Code.

~Bryan

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“Single-Minded Focus”

Michael Phelps won the Gold Medal in his first swim in Beijing! There seems to be some confusion and wonder at how and why Michael Phelps was able to overcome so many odds to not break under so much mental pressure. Michael is described in countless articles to have laser like focus on his swimming and single mindedness on being the best. His concentration has even been described as other-worldly. Yes, Michael has the body makeup of a perfect swimming machine, but in competition it is always the mental aspect which allows someone to step above the rest – in Michael’s case, way above the rest – domination.

Michael Phelps has ADHD. I am not the least bit confused by what others are describing about his laser like concentration, this mental part of his makeup, believe it or not, is rather normal for most people with ADHD. It is called Hyper Focusing. Hyper Focusing allows us to concentrate on something so intensely that we cannot break away from whatever we are focusing on, it can provide supreme drive and motivation. Before I go on about how this helps Michael, let me first be clear about the reality of Hyper Focusing for most people with ADHD. Hyper Focusing is a major cause of dilemma and strife, it can be more of a distraction than anything else. It is often said that kids with ADHD cannot focus and concentrate in school, that’s not entirely true, it is just that these kids are focusing on other things – day dreams, that butterfly outside the window, or maybe something they want to do outside of class.

It is when we start Hyper Focusing on something which we have a talent in, and can make a career of, that Hyper Focusing becomes a benefit. If you read over many of my articles here on ADDer World you will notice that I have written many times at how people with ADHD can be the best at anything they set their mind’s to, well, not just the best, better than anyone who has come before them! This has been proven time and time again, this is not a myth or made up wishful thinking, it is a fact. Find someone with ADHD who is doing what they Hyper Focus on in which they have talent and you will find someone doing amazing things which defy all logic. Michael Phelps is the latest proof.

In my book I clearly describe how pressure, stress and yes, even fear, helped me Hyper Focus. I am a pool / billiard player and when I am under the most pressure, which could seem unbearable to others, I would always perform at my best – I hardly ever lost when under extreme mental pressure. That same pressure, stress and fear does not help me Hyper Focus in other things, it can do the opposite, if it is not what I am self-motivated for. That’s a longer explanation better left in my book and not this article.

This brings me back to Michael winning a Gold Medal yesterday in Beijing. In an article I was reading this morning this stood out to me:

“In an event in which he was supposed to be pushed, he had no peers. In a race in which there was to be stress, he became the picture of relaxation, so at odds with the feat he accomplished. With President Bush, the first lady and former president George H.W. Bush in the stands waving American flags, Phelps won the 400-meter individual medley at the National Aquatics Center in a world record time of 4 minutes 3.84 seconds — crushing his old world mark, winning an Olympic gold medal and likely sending chills through the rest of the competitors on hand, many of whom could succumb to Phelps in similar fashion later in the meet.” washingtonpost.com

I read similar remarks in many other articles about Michael Phelps and it seems to me that few understand the power at Michael’s disposal when it comes to Hyper Focusing. Having the president watching, the first lady and the former President too, is enough to overwhelm most people and make them start rethinking what they are doing or forget what they are doing all together. It is extreme mental pressure and not to mention that just about everyone else in the world is watching too. Michael Phelps was expected to do well and that adds its own kind of intense pressure, the fear of failure and not living up to expectations. The reality that many fail to comprehend about someone with ADHD is that all such pressure is simply more stimulation – it is natural Ritalin, if you will, but far more effective! Whereas Ritalin helps release someone from their single minded, hyper focused and seemingly distracted thoughts, mental pressure of an intense nature helps one increase their Hyper Focus on whatever has captured their mind’s attention.

Congratulations Michael and a special thank you from the rest of us with ADHD!

A short warning to parents of ADHD children: Hyper Focusing cannot be directed to activities that you choose are best for the child. Fear, pressure and stress will not help a child improve in school or other activities as I describe above. I explain this in my book, but I think a simple warning is important. Hyper Focusing works from within the ADHD mind and whatever ‘IT’ is attracted to.  An ADHD person has very little control over that which his or her mind Hyper Focuses on. Michael has the benefit that that which he Hyper Focuses on is useful in building a swimming career; however, if Michael’s mind had focused on insect collecting instead, I don’t think he would be praised so much… if that were the case no parental pressure in the world could have made him Hyper Focus on swimming instead.

~Bryan

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Have you ever heard of the Shame Game? It is an easy game, I used to play it a lot and I won a lot. Actually the Shame Game is a very difficult game to lose and is a very easy game to win.

The Shame Game only requires a few things and if you can master those things, you will win:

Negative Self Talk
Pessimistic Attitude
Say, Think, Express and have others join you in Saying, Thinking and Expressing anything and everything negative about who you are and the nature of who you are.
Basically anything self critical and negative helps you gain points in the Shame Game.

Like I said, the Shame Game is an easy game to play, but winning it does not bring happiness or achievement. It is one of the few games that when you play to win, you will ultimately lose.

~

Those of us with ADHD often live in the Shame Game. We are some of the best players and have the absolute supreme skills at pointing out our faults and negative traits. Few people can do it better than we can. The problem with playing the Shame Game, even as justified as we can create it, is that it automatically compounds our negative assumptions and beliefs. ADHD can be debilitating and yet, there are many ways to cope and overcome many ADHD traits. However, the thoughts we live with day in and day out are not created by ADHD, they are created by ourselves, our belief system from our personal experiences.

PTSD, Depression and Low Self Esteem are common in those with ADHD, but it is important to remember that even though those can be co-morbid, they are still separate issues. Each issue must be treated accordingly.

Play the Shame Game, justify it accordingly, WIN and I guarantee you have really lost.

My suggestion to anyone playing the Shame Game, you might be interested in the first book that got me started on the road to recovery and playing the Positive Game:

The Power of Positive Thinking

By: Norman Vincent Peale

~Bryan

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Lately I have been talking to a lot of parents, adults with ADHD and many without ADHD. I am receiving emails from people who do not have any kind of learning disorder, but they have still felt misunderstood and confused about who they are. We are all human and we have all felt misunderstood at one time or another, all of us and some greater than others. Most of the recent emails ask about peer relationships and how to get along with others better. I am sure this has a lot to do with Keath Low’s interview and with the Peer Relationship Videos I have made.

In this article I am going to address the most frequent and common question I get – how to create the start of a relationship? Well, I was reminded yesterday of how positive begets positive. And that is so true, lately I have enjoyed an activity where I really shine and while I didn’t have a lot of time to stick with that activity, when I was involved in it a feeling of euphoria entered me and the people I approached during that activity felt it. Why? The answer is very simple and at the same time it is very complex.

Perceptions and expectations.

~

Anyone who has been misunderstood , confused or suffered from chastisement and punishment tends to forecast negative thoughts and behavior. In other words they see barriers first and those barriers can be insurmountable in their mind and inhibit positive outcomes. I have been lucky enough to have some great mentors through my adult life at work and in hobbies I have enjoyed. I have learned that no matter how you feel inside and no matter what you think others are thinking (read my center of the universe article), that doesn’t make those thoughts reality – HOWEVER, just by thinking those thoughts of defeat and negativity we emanate negativity and that turns others off – plain and simple. Hey, don’t worry, I am not perfect either, I have done this plenty of times, I have been hurt, turned down and I have even felt cheated and with that I have emanated negative feelings and received negative feelings from others who had no involvement what’s so ever in what may have happened.

Bad things happen and bad things happen to good people, but that’s life and we either choose to learn from those things or we allow ourselves to be defeated and stunt our own potential for future accomplishments. Either way the world still goes around and we either ride it or we allow it to ride us.

The first thing to know about peer relationships is that although not everyone is going to like you or understand you, that’s not the case for everyone, and just because one person acts a certain way we cannot determine that their actions and reactions will be the same as others. Everyone deserves a chance and the best way to give others a chance is to realize that each and every person has a fresh slate and deserves a smile and positive reactions from us. If you approach someone with a frown and the belief they don’t like you already, well, that’s going to be kind of harsh for the other person and they are probably going to be repelled.

I now have the ability to nearly always get a smile from anyone and at any time and in any situation. You want to know how I do this? I smile first and I make sure it’s genuine because I smile the way I would like others to smile for me. It’s not about keeping score or feeling inferior, we all feel that enough and if we want to change it, we have to start with the person in the mirror. Take a moment and visit a mirror and just smile at yourself silly for about ten minutes. Enjoy it, because you are awesome!

~Bryan

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I think it is abundantly clear that ADHD can be crippling in today’s society, especially in the educational system where standards and rules must be clearly followed in order to succeed. However, that is changing a bit with schools opening specifically for children with ADHD. I think that alone tells us how prevalent ADHD has become. There is no way to ignore or wash over the aspects of ADHD which causes many with the disorder to become depressed and emotionally unstable. And with that it is no surprise to me to see how closely ADHD and Bipolar mimic each other. Those with ADHD tend to be praised one minute and put down the next and as oppressed as we may be, the truth is, from another’s viewpoint, we deserve both praise and discipline. ADHD is no excuse and frankly, it can’t be used as one – you can try, but let me be the one to break it to you, it’s not going to work, it’s not going to get you very far.

We are all accountable and it doesn’t matter what our issues might be. I have ADHD and I have to eat just like everyone else. If I want to be all that I can be I have to get along, learn and participate in the world as we know it. We have to learn how to cope and we have to learn how to overcome. And we can do those things – trust me, we really can. Does this mean I haven’t had it that tough? If you’re asking that question, then you haven’t read my book yet. And yes, that is the point – I have been there.

I have made a brilliant discovery, a brilliant insight, – well hey, I am brilliant you know… yes, I said it and darn proud of it!

~

Most of us with ADHD concentrate on the things we can’t do and we concentrate on our failures, our mistakes and our lack of this or that, much, much more than we concentrate on what we can do and what makes us feel good. It’s easy to feel bad, it doesn’t take any effort and we can just wallow in our own self-disdain all day long. No smiles, no joy and we can meet likeminded people and make it even worse for ourselves. Well, let me be the one to enlighten you:

There is nothing you can’t do! Let me be just a little more clear on that: there is nothing you can’t do!

Oh but, but, but – no, not going that route. There are no buts about it. There are things you can’t do, in the way others do them; however, if you find your way of doing those very same things, then you can do them and not only that, you could very well do them better than anyone else. The point is that you have to find your own way and not be fearful of taking a different route than everyone else. Did you know that many top companies praise and even reward employees who find new, better ways of doing things? Who better than someone with ADHD to find those new ways? Yes, change your focus and you will change your life.

Some of the most successful people in the world have either dropped out of college or dropped out of high school for one reason or another and some of those drop outs have ADHD. Dropping out didn’t destroy their lives or their careers and in some cases it helped them go the route they needed to go in order to be successful. I have mentioned that before and I have also mentioned that just because I mention this doesn’t mean you should drop out. I am just making a point. Do you know what my point is? Those people did not focus long on what society considers a failure, instead they focused on what they could do and went on and did it.

The truth is that society will overlook any apparent failure if it brings success. Oh wow… it’s true. When you think of Steven Jobs, do you think of failure? I didn’t think so. Didn’t Bill Gates and Paris Hilton drop out too? Oh and by the by… I think I might have… yeah, that’s in my book too. I like being a part of the elite.

Oops, I mentioned Paris Hilton again. More emails to come about how I should not put her in a positive light and she shouldn’t be a role model. The problem with my mentions of Paris Hilton is that folks concentrate on what they don’t like about her and don’t read into my point. She is successful in her own right, she is a media darling and many people love to hate her, but they can’t escape her. She has ADD, she doesn’t use it as an excuse, and she doesn’t let society dictate what she should or should not do. Yes, she is very, very rich. However, she has probably been ridiculed and chastised on a level none of us could ever imagine and in front of the whole world, on the cover of newspapers. Her failures and her mistakes are not her own, they are called out from the roof tops and many of us are a part of that. I admire her in many ways and one of those ways is that despite all the ridicule, the chastisements and her failures, she is still herself and she thrives despite all the odds. If you think being rich protects her mind, then maybe we should consider Britney Spears for a moment.

Paris Hilton is the real deal; she encompasses ADHD as no other ever has, except maybe Da Vinci. Only the late Princess Diana had as much media attention as Paris Hilton. What is different between Paris Hilton and Princess Diana is that Princess Diana was mature and stately. Neither of those fits the description of Paris Hilton, not yet anyway. And that’s part of society’s problem with Paris Hilton, she is not mature, she is childlike and she just seems to get in trouble with something all the time. Hrmmmm… what does that describe? ADHD? It sure does, more than many of us realize. Just imagine for a moment, if you have ADDH, what would it be like if your life, every part of it, was broadcast to the whole world openly and without restraint? What would society think of your failures and your exploits and how would you handle it? Would you use such fame to your advantage or crumble with shame? Sorry, but that’s a very important question. I think Paris Hilton could do a lot more for society and even take a stand and help bring awareness to ADHD of what it is like to live with it and I hope she decides to do so one day, that would probably bring her more good fortune than she could ever imagine and I imagine she can imagine a lot. Okay, enough about Ms. Hilton for now.

Name two of the coolest airlines. How about Jetblue and Virgin Air? Besides being cool, what else do they have in common? They were founded by two people who have ADHD. No, not everyone is destined to open an airlines and that’s probably not what everyone wants to do, but to think a person with ADHD cannot overcome and be successful is ridiculous. Focus on the positive and focus on what you can do. Many of us have focused on the negative so long that we don’t even see the positives anymore and have no clue about what we can do.

Get yourself a notepad and write down everything that you can do. Write at least a hundred things. Oh yes, I do believe that there are a hundred things you can do, probably more. After you have written down a hundred things, narrow it down to the fifty things you enjoy above the rest. From those fifty things, one thing is shining like a bright light in your eyes and it is the one thing you would like to be doing above all the rest. Yes, you might know what that one thing is before writing down a hundred things, but write down a hundred things anyway because you might make a wonderful discovery.

Yes, a wonderful discovery. When I wrote down my hundred things, I discovered something which was amazing… of those hundred things, fifty of them related to the one thing I enjoy the most and excel at the most and am the most successful at – here’s a taste:

Creating, writing, showing off, smiling, flattering, entertaining, being a showman, being the center of attention, sales, designing, observing, advertising, marketing, talking, being a part of something bigger than myself, helping others, attracting attention…

Do you see how all of these things relate? No shortcuts, write everything down, all hundred – you don’t have to describe what you like to do perfectly, generalize if you want. This exercise will help you discover who you really are and give you the vital insight as to where your focus could be better used.

Do you know what that one thing is that I excel at the most and enjoy the most? I used fifty ways to describe it in my list and the other fifty things on my list created a spinoff of things which are attached to that one thing. I wrote my book, created this blog and my videos thanks to that one thing. Know what it is? I am using it right now.

~Bryan

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