Special thanks to all of our members on our ADDer World Network who were so kind to give input. Interestingly, with this request I soon realized I have quite a few readers who have not become members of our AW Network yet and you wrote me with your opinions – thanks to all who took a little time out, your input has helped a great deal and has influenced the final cover! Here ya go:

Back:

Thanks for the overwhelming suggestion to use picture A, we decided to use it on the back cover, this could change depending on how it looks in print. We still have time to decide which photos to use inside the book, so if you haven’t given your input yet on which photos for inside the book, please feel free to do so at this link.

Exciting!!!

~Bryan

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Sorry I haven’t had the time to write as much as I would like lately. The new book has captured a lot more of my time than I thought it would and now that it is near completion, I really don’t have a clue what to write about at the moment. Hopefully, that’s just a phase? Have you finished a major project and then kind of wondered around a while wondering what to do next and it seems as though there’s nothing else to do? That’s kind of where I am at.

For the new book Joan and I wanted to include a few pictures for very specific places within it. You get to see a selection we are considering in this post. Please tell us which one’s you like best. We want you to have a part in this book. Next week we reveal the completed cover, which was accomplished with the assistance of members’ suggestions!

The book Adult ADHD can be Sexy is about relationships, intimacy and what Joan and I have learned together in order to make our relationship continuously better for both of us. We delve into some unexpected, not so much talked about places. Although I have written most of the content, Joan has had a major impact and her support has been essential – I even convinced her to write a chapter! It’s a delicious treat.

To give you a better idea of what you’re going to find in this book, over the last year I have published parts of more than a few of the chapters in blog posts and those parts have become some of the most popular blog posts I have ever published, two of them in particular have spread all over the web! However, I am not going to tell you which articles I am referring to – you’ll have to read the book to discover which ones! Oh, and yes, I know you all are very good guessers!  

Please pick one or two of the photos that you like best to be included in the new book. You can comment, private message me on the ADDer World Network or email me, if you prefer.

Photos are by the wonderful model / photographer Catalina Magee

B:

C:

D:

E:

F:

G:

 Here’s a late add that we are also considering:

H:

Thank you for taking part in the new book!

~Bryan

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The other day I came across an interview I did for ADD.about.com in August 2008, not too long after I published my first book. Keath Low conducted the interview; she is the caring and wonderful guide to ADD for About.com. Keath wanted this interview to focus on peer relationships. After re-reading this interview I contacted Keath and asked her if I could re-post it. The reason is because in 2010 I will be publishing my next book Adult ADHD can be Sexy, this new book is about relationships, love, intimacy and ADHD! I have discovered that there is nothing I enjoy writing about more. Relationships have had profound effects on my life and to be clear I have made a lot of mistakes within relationships, heartbreaks that have lived alive and well within me years after relationships ended or went awry.

In my first book One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir I revealed many of my difficulties, frustrations and heartbreaks from my relationships and I also discuss the success I have had within my current relationship with Joan, which is alive and strong as she and I enter our 6th year together. Since publication of One Boy’s Struggle I have continued to write about relationships here on this blog www.ADDerWorld.com and many of those articles have been the most popular. I have received far more emails concerning relationships than any other topic. I have also been asked time and time again to write a book about relationships and that’s what I have finally done.

When it comes to relationships I have read about the steps I can take, help I can received, directions for this conduct and that conduct, but on an emotional level I have always felt left wanting. What’s most interesting about this is that I believe many of us ADDers learn best on an emotional level where we figure things out from using all of our senses with regard to feelings rather than reasonings and step by step processes. Unfortunately, this emotional learning curve takes a long time, trial and error (lots of error in my experience) and is probably the reason not too many writers have taken this approach. I have been fortunate to have had success writing from an emotional, personal level and that’s the perspective I continue to take in Adult ADHD can be Sexy! My new book will be available this coming summer, please stay tuned to ADDer World, our ADHD Social Network as I will soon start contests giving away about a dozen copies!

2010 is going to be the best year ever!

Thanks for reading my thoughts and opinions! Best wishes to you in the new year! I hope you enjoy this interview from ’08:

Keath Low: ADD / ADHD can have a profound effect on peer relationships, even into adulthood. Sometimes the impact can be so great that an individual feels a tremendous sense of isolation. Once feeling isolated or alone, it can be very difficult to connect with others.

Bryan Hutchinson, author of One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir – Surviving Life With Undiagnosed ADD, shares his experiences and offers some helpful strategies.

Keath Low: What Impact Does ADD Have on Peer Relationships?

Bryan Hutchinson: People with ADHD tend to keep to themselves, we have a hard time understanding those around us and we miss many normal communication cues. We are often confused as to what people really mean, especially at a young age. Maintaining relationships is even harder and requires a great amount of effort on our part; we forget about friends and sometimes stay out of contact for too long, which upsets others and this gives the impression we just don’t care about others. The impression that we don’t care is a false impression; we do care, but we simply do not maintain relationships in the same manner as those without ADHD. We get along best with those who are not judgmental and do not require constant contact.

Keath Low: What Were Your own Personal Experiences as a Child and Now as an Adult?

Hutchinson: As a child I felt I was different and I felt outside everyone else’s world. As a child I did not know why I could not get along with others. I would become distracted and lost during conversations. Other children believed I was a loner or a rebel because I did not associate with them. When I would get hyper and wild other kids were attracted to me and we would catch a lot of attention, especially in school, but this would get me in trouble with serious consequences, and this was another reason to draw into myself and keep to myself. I couldn’t get along and when I did, I got into trouble.

Many ADHD children are born leaders. They are energetic and have great ideas. Their social skills are limited, but because of their drive and ability to understand things quickly without bothering with too many details – this gives them leadership qualities. Unfortunately, this leadership trait can sometimes be squashed by teachers and parents because it is disruptive. I think it is a common mistake of parents and teachers not to recognize that a child may be a leader and go on to do great things, because at the child’s young age it is a distraction and seems a bit chaotic at times. Kids who could otherwise grow to become great leaders instead grow with rejection and stunted aspirations.

As an adult, social engagement challenges followed me and still have an impact. I have become better at maintaining relationships by knowing why I have difficulties and have learned to raise my awareness of others concerns and interests. ADDers can seem self-absorbed with so many distractions and inner thoughts; therefore it is important to purposely become curious of other people’s interests. For example, in relationships with females I used to fail to ask questions about their life and family. This made it seem as though I didn’t care much about who they were. I have learned to purposely increase my interest in others – most people without ADHD have this curiosity of others inherently, whereas we with ADHD must pay attention to it by realizing our differences and make up for it with purpose intent to be better – more sociable.

Keath Low: How Did You Improve Relationships?

Hutchinson: First, I had to understand I had a problem communicating. I needed help and therapy was the answer to my prayers. However, before therapy I was lucky in gaining the interest of mentors who helped me see where I needed to improve. If I had not been a pool player I think my social development would have taken longer, because in sports one must engage – even in such a sport as pool. Pool also requires a lot of mental conditioning and this helped me learn where I needed to improve and also highlighted my difficulties to focus.

Keath Low: What Strategies Do You Think Would Be Helpful For Children In School?

Hutchinson: First and foremost parents and teachers must understand that kids with ADHD are different and what restrictions and discipline is placed on them will affect them their entire lives. We might not seem like it, but we are very sensitive and take things to heart quickly and we remember things which cause pain very well, because pain and suffering are stimulating, but in a negative manner. All kids need a certain amount of discipline, but for parents with ADHD children, they must be more creative and use a reward system that emphasizes good behavior and decisions.

I suggest parents get their children involved in sports to build social skills. Not necessarily physical sports, but rather sports or activities which require more mental effort. Kids with ADHD are gifted with quick strategic minds and this could help them shine in the leadership skills and if they enjoy the activity enough they will find ways to get along better, rather than lose the activity and friendships it provides. However, drawing from my own childhood experiences, it is important for the child to learn to stick with it – I was always very tentative when introduced to new things and would try to quit before ever starting for fear of rejection, failure and punishment.

Keath Low: What Strategies Are Helpful for Adults?

Hutchinson: To purposely engage, ask questions and become interested in others. Peer relationships, I believe, are part of the cause for adults to abuse substances. A quick drink can help calm the mind and rest the nerves, allowing for the adult with ADHD to become more interested and therefore social, but this isn’t good for obvious reasons. Adults with ADHD need to learn to stop punishing themselves and realize that being different isn’t bad, it just provides some challenges which can be overcome by learning coping skills.

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Adult ADHD can be sexy for many reasons, the list is literally endless, and yet the majority of those reasons are not for good behavior. Being generally bad can be sexy too and if there’s one word that is synonymous with ADHD, whether it is spoken or unspoken that word would be: Bad.

Bad Manners, Bad Behavior, Bad Morals and Bad Person and on and on…

Bad, Selfish, Narcissistic, Ill-mannered, lazy, unmotivated, and Stupid, Idiotic, Procrastinator and the ever popular Crazy are just a few of the names which have become staples in the depository of names for those of us with ADHD. In Adult ADHD can be Sexy I address a few of them and yet it is impossible to address all of them, not to mention exhausting too. In the end, they all mean the same thing.

And, guess what…

Everyone has a touch of ADHD in them.

Who hasn’t been forgetful from time to time, or late for an appointment? Who hasn’t goofed up in class or failed to meet every expectation or standard? Who hasn’t broken a rule or two? Who hasn’t locked their keys in their car? I am sure there are people who haven’t done one or two of these things yet…, but that doesn’t mean they are not capable of such things, of making mistakes. As separate incidents that happen from time to time, but are not part of one’s normal day to day life, those things I mentioned are no big deal and can be laughed off or forgotten rather quickly. That isn’t necessarily so for someone with full blown ADHD, because these things happen over and over again. It’s the continual repetition of common mistakes, errors in judgment, forgetfulness, restlessness in mind or body, or both, and the unnerving inability to hold to or obey set rules and standards – it’s most of these things, but not limited to, which make up ADHD. And contrary to popular myth, it’s not naturally controllable without intervention and it’s most certainly not on purpose behavior. If those things were true, then there wouldn’t be ADHD.

The behaviors of ADHD are often called unacceptable, offensive and shameful. We are told this time and time again. We must correct our behavior, seek help and receive treatment. We are told this too over and over again. And indeed, I sincerely believe life with proper treatment for ADHD is better, but you know, it does get a bit tiresome to constantly read about and hear about what we need to do in order to be better, to help enhance our lives and, in effect, the lives of those around us. Every now and then it would be nice if someone just looked at me (or perhaps you or the one you love) and said, you know what, I like you just the way you are and you don’t have to change a bit for me! Wouldn’t that be nice?

And yet, Adult ADHD can be Sexy!?

However, why not take it even further…

Are ADDers the new Vampires?

You know, the sexy kind of biting lovers!

I read about vampires as today’s latest fashionable romantic fantasy for movies and books. Vampires are seductive, deadly, romantic, charismatic, dangerous, and the ultimate rebels. Are ADDers the new Vampires? Vampires are now sexy, sexier than just about anything! Ah, what a world we live in. Who wants to be compared to blood suckers and soulless creatures? Is this an apt comparison? You be the judge. Personally, I don’t like it, but it does have its allure… The Vampire is today’s Le Roi! And who knows, perhaps today’s Vampire romance stories are really about people with ADHD and those who fall in love with us? Ah, the mystery, the romance, the shiny shine, shine, shine of our natural tendencies, which are not only charming, but unpredictable and can be dangerous, which seems to be all the rage today. Ah, but let’s not forget that in each Vampire story they are also the villain, in constant danger of being found out, they are perpetually hunted for being what they are… ah the shame, the disgrace, the remorse and the sorrow to be forsaken!

Maybe all we really want is love? The elusive, tender and non-judgmental kind of love…

Love is an incredibly amazing and a very powerful phenomenon. In one way or another, everyone is a seeker of love, romance and companionship. Without it, we may feel lonely, lost and eventually forsaken. With the power of love, it matters not how strong or smart we may be. For many of us with ADHD love is a confusing, complex and eternally frustrating, an ever out of reach dream-scape. It’s a fantasy which doesn’t seem to exist and is made up by some odd storyteller that wants us to suffer in shame and remorse, constantly, forevermore. It’s dreadful, until one actually, finally, finds it within their life, or within their grasp, but the inner belief that it is just a fantasy, illusions of grandeur leads us to underestimate it and squander it. 

I have put my new book Adult ADHD can be Sexy together because love matters and it matters far more than many of us ever want to admit, not simply to others, but rather, to ourselves. With our eyes always on the horizon we fail time and time again to grasp what is at hand, to see, to feel and to enjoy what could be right there in front of us. We habitually squander love by trying to be what we are not, or by trying to meet the expectations others have of us to be what we are not, to be different. And, maybe it’s something else. People come together for certain reasons and it’s important to discover, admit, accept and appreciate whatever those reasons may be. I sincerely believe when two people value the true reasons they are together, their united relationship philosophy, nothing can stop them, nothing can come between them and they too will discover the good each has to offer the other, or maybe not… oh, and let’s not forget intimacy and letting go…

I am going to take you to places in my new book you may have never gone before…

~Bryan

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