I found this pic, it may be a little too far off base, but I thought it was funny and relates. It’s all fun and games, until…

Someone recently shared with me an article from the New York Times about the end of having a best friend. My first thought about this was “Are they crazy?” and my final thoughts on this subject are: “Are they absolutely, ridiculously, out of their minds?!?”

I mean c’mon, have we come so far that we are back to burning supposed Witches at the stake? ‘But Jamie doesn’t have a best friend and her older sister does’… And the point is? Jamie will eventually find a best friend and confidant, no reason to try and equalize everything in the world to the point we are just being categorically controlling, manipulating and restrictive to natural growth. Kids can’t even go out to play as we did back in, oh, the 80’s and countless centuries before then.  We complain about kids being on their computers too much and yet, one of the main things that keep kids still going outside we want to take away from them too? In the effort to over-protect, we are creating situations far worse. Supreme control is not the answer, history has proved it time and time again.

I fully understand having sympathy for the child who has difficulty making friends and worrying about bad influences. I was one of those lonely kids for a long while, but eventually I found some very special friends, best friends that helped me overcome, and become a better person – the person I am today, as a matter of fact. I wouldn’t be writing this blog today if I had not had my best friends through my life. If you’ve read One Boy’s Struggle you know the vital roles certain special friends had and most importantly, Phil. I can’t imagine a world growing up without their roles in my life. It is just horrifying to imagine such a world and what could’ve been otherwise.

It’s difficult enough for kids in today’s pressure packed, extremely educational strategized world, but are we going too far by taking away the things that provide some kind of semblance of natural growth? Yes, I most certainly think we are. What about you? I fully agree that kids can get into the wrong crowd and some friends are destructive, but that’s what parents are for, to nurture and watch their child grow and help guide, especially when they are misled. Leave the parenting to parents, where it belongs, I say. When schools become substitute parenting centers, this is what happens. While we are at it, why not go back to slapping the hands of left handers for not using their right hand, and how about forcing kids with ADHD just not to have it – you know, they can do it, if they just apply themselves! Okay, I don’t want to get to heated, but these things get me riled up.

Get rid of best friends? Indeed, have they completely and utterly gone out of their minds?!? That’s the answer to a better society? Ha, wait and see, but don’t say I didn’t send out this warning: If this is the direction we go as a society, we are speeding towards something far more dangerous and disastrous than anything we have experienced so far and we’ve been experiencing some bad stuff.

So, how does this relate to ADHD? It doesn’t have to, but since I brought it up: ADHD is already stigmatized and in certain areas over diagnosed, because, kids are in situations that help mimic ADHD symptoms in their behavior. We might as well expect that type of misdiagnosis to be on the rise. At the same time we should also expect the rise of under diagnosis of those who truly have ADHD , but are left behind because sooner or later the line will become so blurred that no one will be able to tell the difference.

~Bryan

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People of all ages are going to fall to peer pressure, both the good and the bad kind. Yes, there is a good kind of peer pressure, which will enable a person to achieve something better for themselves and possibly for a group. Then there is the bad kind of peer pressure which usually involves getting into some kind of mischief or doing something which one will eventually regret. There are plenty of definitions out there, so I am not going to try and explain all of the types and ways peer pressure exists.

The problem with defining peer pressure, especially the type – including age factors, and explaining it to someone else, so they can hopefully identify it when it happens is that we usually relate it to ourselves and how we respond to such pressure. Just as a quick example, when I read the comments and emails to the Miley Cyrus post about her comment about ‘ADHD’ and ‘Crazy Medication’ most considered how they viewed the comments to themselves and basically blew them off, because, really, to the educated and well-informed person her comments were meaningless and for the most part should be blown off.

The thing is that people who read my blog are not really going to take Miley’s comments seriously, I know that. However, Miley’s fan base is made up mostly of young teens and preteens. What happens when they go to school and jokingly antagonize their classmate who is taking those ‘crazy meds’? You know the child in question with low self-esteem, who is already feeling out of place. Yeah, that young impressionable child. I was that child once and I haven’t forgotten, that’s why I offered to send her my book One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir — Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD!

So, how seriously do I take Miley’s comment today, as an adult with ADHD? I am listening to one of her albums right now and I still like Miley and her music just as much! For me, her comment was just an immature generalization about ADHD and ADD of which she apparently knows next to nothing, and from what I can tell, she didn’t mean anything by it – for me, that is! The pop idol’s comments are ridiculous, yes, but even more so they are rather irresponsible considering the millions of young people who look up to her. If Jay Leno had made those comments, no one would have blinked and it certainly would not have made headlines. Leno has a different audience. Most adults usually know who they are and what medications work for them or don’t. Preteens and teens are still impressionable and are still figuring out who they are, especially those with ADHD. Unfortunately many of them want to model themselves after their favorite actors and pop stars. Miley doesn’t have to be an angel or perfect, but she should be responsible in her comments when it relates to mental health issues.

In order to help someone recognize and avoid certain types of peer pressure parents and educators should encourage them to know themselves and to feel confident in their values.  We should reinforce those good decisions that our children make at home, when they are young and eventually when they are faced with peer pressure they are better able to make good choices for themselves. Positive feedback about a child’s good decisions will help build their self-esteem and make them less susceptible to the peer pressure that they face at school, with their friends after school, and what they read and hear from their favorite pop idols. For children with ADHD fostering a healthy self-esteem at home and by educators at school will also help a child struggling with the day to day effects of ADHD. Peer pressure only works when one allows it to work on them. We must help our children build a force field of  emotional strength by letting them know that they are smart, capable of achieving greatness, and are worth taking care of themselves.

I am not an expert on peer pressure by far! I have fallen for it myself from time to time and who knows, I may fall for it again, but I like to think I won’t. With that in mind, I think the best way to help anyone avoid negative and/or destructive peer pressure is to find ways to help them lift their self-esteem and their own self-worth. I think most people fall for peer pressure when they don’t have positive encouragement for their personal beliefs, wants, needs and desires. If someone is always being criticized and punished, or told they are wrong and dumb, stupid or crazy then they may look to others for support, even if it is the gang down the street who will take them in with open arms and let them know how ‘valuable’ they are. I think this is extremely important to take into account if a child or teen has ADD, ADHD or a LD.

The unfortunate truth is that most people with or without ADHD are susceptible to peer pressure at school or even at work for us adults. When we are insecure we go along with the negative and destructive suggestions of those around us, and conversely when we are secure in who we are, we do not even notice the negative suggestions of others, or if we do, we may inform them it is unwanted. Peer pressure is only as powerful as we let it be. How we react to the so called pressure of others is the key. If we know who we are, respect ourselves and know what our values are then the pressure is off. We can laugh off the negative suggestions and continue to be just who we are with all the confidence and greatness that is within us with ADHD or not.

Young children are typically struggling with who they are and are unsure of their identity, when ADHD is a factor this issue is compounded and the ramifications can be dramatic, profound and lasting. Even more so kids with ADHD want to feel like they belong, they don’t want to feel alone and different, much less take some crazy medication because they can’t think and act as well as their peers. For an adult this may all seem a superficial example, but for a 10 yr old, that’s a very real situation to deal with. If it’s crazy medication that they are taking then maybe they will feel or believe they are considered crazy too and possibly stop taking it. It’s already difficult enough for most parents to explain to their child why they must take medication daily, or in many cases, more often.

In a comment to the Miley Cyrus post a commenter made a very important point that there is a problem when reading other’s comments because it is impossible to know their true connotation without actually hearing them. That is so true. The problem is, with such interviews most people won’t ‘hear’ them anyway, they will either read them, or in the case of children they will probably just hear aboutthem. That’s why it is that much more important for celebrities like Miley to think first. Most of us ADDers have an issue with thinking first, our words tend to come out and then we look around to see if anyone heard us. Miley’s issue kind of reminds me of that.

If anyone has watched an interview with Miley you know then that she is actually quite intelligent and far ahead of her years, she is truly gifted. Miley also goes out of her way to encourage and lift others with her songs and in person. So, again, my take is that she did not mean her words the way they ‘read’; however, she also clearly showed a lack of understanding about the condition she discussed and did not consider members of her audience who may be struggling with ADHD. If she does have ADHD or ADD, it still is no surprise at how well she has done considering her natural talents with music and acting and moreover she has a strong support group and a caring father who has always been there to support her each and every step of the way, he was even there during the taping of American Idol this past week where she was a mentor to the contestants! By taking these things into account she may not have a true understanding of peer pressure and why her recent words have made the papers, because she hasn’t herself lived in the public systems and clicks, or lacked emotional and mental support.

We can all learn a little something with regard to the support Miley has received, but to most of us it isn’t even close to realistic. How many parents have a job when their child is always right there, nearby, or the funds etc…? There is so much to consider here. There are extremely major differences to consider when a person is raised with substantial funds, private schools and the support all the above provides, with or without ADHD.

All in all, despite all efforts, sometimes we will, or our children will, fall to peer pressure anyway. However, if we have a good idea of what it is and how to spot it, I think that decreases our chances, and our children’s chances, of going too far down the wrong path.

What’s your take on this?

What has helped you help others with peer pressure? Or has someone helped you avoid peer pressure?

~Bryan

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Have you ever shown brilliance and extraordinary talent and yet less talented peers passed you in the long run?

In any endeavor, sports, dating, work and even tinkering in a hobby with the hopes of accomplishing anything, there is nothing more important than mastering basics and fundamentals. Undoubtedly, you’ve heard this before, but do you really know what this means – especially in the context of ADD and ADHD?

You can have incredible talent mixed with ADHD risk taking and impulsivity and you can do absolutely amazing things which blow the minds of any spectators, but at the end of the day, most times you will fall short of your desired outcome, you will lose! You will fall flat on your face. And, it will hurt! Sorry, I know that is painful to read, but you and me, we know it’s true. Don’t we?

It’s confusing, it is frustrating and it is part of having ADHD!

And, you can do something about it!

However, it requires of us to realize and admit something painfully infuriating:

You may have all the talent in the world, able to do fantastical things others can only dream of, but for some strange and absolutely odd reason, others with not even half of your talent will eventually pass you in actual accomplishments. Yes, your talent is still above and beyond theirs and yes, you can still show sparks of greatness, but ultimately you cannot sustain any type of consistency whereas the person with less talent, who has mastered the basics and fundamentals, can.

Someone with half the talent, or even less, but has mastered the basics and fundamentals will typically win the race.

Tortoise will out-race Hare time and time again.  

But what about successful people with ADHD? You might ask.

Think about them for a moment. What do most successful people with ADHD have that has enabled them to somehow break the mold? Too often certain boring details are skipped over when discussing highly successful people with ADHD and such omissions are NOT helpful. The rest of the story of what enabled them to become successful, despite the odds, with regard to having ADHD, would be helpful and help people like you and me, to stop beating ourselves up for not being more.

Take Michael Phelps for example, he has been in training since childhood! Since youth, Michael has been coached, mentored and trained as an elite athlete. Even with ADHD, he knows and understands the basics and fundamentals of swimming better than most. 

Have you been in intensive training since childhood? Have you been mentored and coached to be a world champion since childhood? I know I wasn’t, and I don’t think there are a whole lot of us that have been. Trying to relate to Michael is nearly impossible for most of us. I am very happy for Michael, but this post is for the rest of us!

If somehow, someway, a person with ADHD does master basics and fundamentals, matched with his or her innate talents – I sincerely believe that other person with half the talent or less, won’t ever catch up! Especially when you add on proper ADHD diagnosis and treatment, the sky is the limit! (Unless you’re with NASA or Richard Branson, of course.)

People with ADHD receiving proper treatment for their ADHD have far and away better chances than those untreated. However, if one has been diagnosed late in life, proper treatment might still seem like it is falling short, that something is still missing. Treatment, of any kind, without the knowledge of what has been missed, isn’t usually enough. I think this gives fresh meaning to ‘going back to the drawing board’.

Typically, without proper treatment of ADHD, learning basics and fundamentals is excruciatingly boring for us ADDers! We will want to skip ahead, bounce around, go back and forth and just about anything else. It’s nearly impossible to endure learning the basics and fundamentals without some type of intervention for people with ADHD. Without the best coaching, mentoring and training – do you believe Michael Phelps could have done it?

Here’s a personal example I have used before:

I am a pool player. When I first started playing I showed an abundance of talent, I had few peers as talented as I was. However, as the years passed, playing pool became frustrating, even irritating, and people I knew who clearly didn’t have my talents or abilities crept up, year after year they continued to improve and achieved better results in tournaments than I did. I was stuck and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why.

It was only after seeking out a highly qualified mentor that things started to change for me (You can read the details of this story in my first book). It turned out I didn’t stand right, I didn’t hold my cue right and I didn’t take the basic ‘easy’ shots when they were clearly the best choice. I had no clue what the percentages were between different types of shots and I didn’t care. I had a flare for the dramatics and crowd pleasing hard shots which had very low percentages of completion, but high rates of applause when pulled off! (What’s that about instant rewards and ADHD? They don’t pay off in the long run though!)

Because my desire for playing pool and winning was so strong, I eventually did, with help, learn the basics and from then on I began to advance. My ADHD traits became an advantage in my game, such as with hyper focusing.  

I think, (because this post is just my opinion) one of the major frustrations for many of us late diagnosed adult ADDers, is that even with treatment many of us are not accomplishing our goals and fulfilling our heart’s desires.

Proper treatment and management of ADHD is a must, but if we still do not realize, or it hasn’t been pointed out to us, that we have skipped the most important ingredients of success, such as learning basics and fundamentals, we are still going to be stuck and perhaps think treatment isn’t working.

The good news is that with proper treatment and management of ADHD, going back to learn the basics and fundamentals of whatever it is you do, isn’t going to be as boring as it once may have been.

Most of us skip the basics and fundamentals not because we think we can do without (Well, yeah, that’s part of it when talent shines too brightly – ohhh shiny, anyone?), it’s because those tedious little details are boring as heck! The decades will roll by and things will not improve in specific endeavors if the basics and fundamentals are not learned. You can have the most advanced and perfectly conditioned race car in the world, but if it doesn’t have the right tires, it’s not going to make it to the finish line!

This has been a long post, but if you made it this far, maybe you can relate? If you have ever tried and tried again and again, even with diagnosis and treatment, but still could not maintain – perhaps consider the basics and fundamentals of your endeavors. If you have already: did it make a difference? I’d like to know. Have you ever show brilliance and extraordinary talent and yet less talented peers passed you in the long run?

You know, I think it is interesting how negative I was towards myself due to being so inconsistent in pool. One day hot, the next day not, sometimes it would go hour by hour. I would get so frustrated and outright mad at myself, telling myself such devastating things to try and pick my game back up, but isn’t it funny (not really), that just by learning to stand correctly, hold the cue a certain way, which is the most basic of the things I needed to do – you know, the boring stuff, helped bring my consistency up to a level that I had never imagined possible.

Yes, I still struggled with distraction for a long while, but when you realize there are solutions and they are real and workable solutions, it makes no sense beating ourselves up constantly, because doing that of all things will not help. It’s a matter of knowing what those solutions are.

How could I know my foot was pointing too far inward in my stance? Without a mentor, learning the basics and fundamentals, it may well have stayed that way forever. Oh, it wasn’t just my foot, trust me!

It is never too late to learn the basics and fundamentals!

And if you are properly diagnosed with ADHD and receiving treatment, so much the better to help you focus on mastering them!

~Bryan

(*My posts / opinions on this blog or anywhere should absolutely NOT be used to diagnose or treat anyone. If you suspect ADHD or any condition, please do seek a professional diagnosis and/or professional treatment.)

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I guess when you are insane famous a little photo can get a lot of attention, especially if you are considered the perfect role model. Truth is, nobody is perfect and nobody should be expected to be perfect. That being said, I read a couple recent blog posts about Michael’s situation and how his actions do, or better yet, do not relate to ADHD. Can you really separate the actions of someone with ADHD from ADHD itself? That’s a very good question. Check out these two articles which take a moment to put this whole shebang in perspective:

Dr. Rory Stern’s take

And another very interesting, no BS article by Jennifer Koretsky

What do you think of Michael’s recent actions concerning smoking marijuana? Related to ADHD? Or just a 23 year old experimenting? Or…

~Bryan

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Let’s give thanks that The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is finally seeing the light, we are discovering that there is more to ADHD than the negative connotation associated with the abbreviation.

The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that you and I are not alone and we are possessing valuable talents and traits which are valuable not only to ourselves, but to the community as a whole. ADDers are the ones who were being left behind in society as misfits, but that is once again changing. Not every one of us will become the next Richard Branson, Albert Einstein or Michael Phelps, but thanks to ADDers such as them it is becoming more apparent that ADHD is not simply a negative reality. If anyone has noticed, and I have, many of the most successful over achievers of our time have ADHD! Is the negative stigma created to hold us back and make us feel lesser than others? Well, it’s not created to be that way, but one can argue that it has gotten carried away. To be successful with ADHD means being who you are as an individual, using our innate talents and traits for the good of self and others.

I was talking to a therapist recently and he explained to me that his treatment with ADDers is often not about the symptoms of ADHD, but rather the chastisement and ridicule they have suffered from and the expectations they have of doing things as those without ADHD would do them. After all, coaching, medication and most treatments for ADHD are to help ADDers be organized and perform as normal people are expected to. Even in relationships ADDers are expected to be a certain way and usually cannot meet those expectations without serious help and will power.

I am the first to admit that my ADDer tendencies helped lead to my divorce from my first wife and even so, there were two sides involved. The blame doesn’t fall entirely on the partner with ADHD, but it seems that this is becoming the excepted wisdom.

Okay, let’s be clear that we ADDers have a lot to overcome and it doesn’t matter if it is due to society or ourselves, we still have to work to improve ourselves. This goes for just about anyone and everyone. Who doesn’t want to improve who they are and do better in life for others and themselves? An ADDer could be wrong in a relationship and causing hardships, and also those without ADHD could be wrong in a relationship and causing hardships. Divorce is not limited to ADDers alone.

ADHD can be a gift. ADHD has positive attributes. ADDers tend to be creative and unorthodox thinkers who offer new insights and perspectives which lead to new inventions and creations. Even the mainstream media is catching on to recognizing that the reality of ADHD might not be as cut and dry as many have been lead to believe over the last couple decades. Here are two recent articles by Tara Parker-Pope which show how far we have come and how far we still have to go:

Can attention deficit be framed as a gift? Herald Tribune

Michael Phelps and the Potential of A.D.H.D. The New York Times

Indeed, ADHD is not all bad and we do not need to correct every little aspect of our natural nature of being. Let’s give thanks to each other for being the friends we are and coming together as a community of caring people who strive to be better, not simply because we have ADHD, but because we want to become better as human beings for which it is a natural process to want to improve and aspire for more.

~Bryan

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Learning to cope with ADHD is a lifetime’s effort. There is no cure and there is no medication which will cure ADHD. I am not against medication because I believe it does help some people, but it does not help everyone. Some cannot afford the medication, so for them learning to cope is that much more critical. The point I would like to make is that with or without medication children and adults must still learn coping skills. I often worry that the message that ADHD is a gift gets confused with the reality that ADHD is a condition which can be very difficult to get under control. There are positive traits to ADHD and many can be considered as gifts, once a person gets the condition under reasonable control one can start to use the positive benefits of ADHD to their advantage – at that point ADHD is a gift for many of us.

~

A book I recommend to many parents is “The Gift of ADHD Activity Book: 101 Ways to Turn Your Child’s Problems into Strengths” by Dr. Lara, Honos-Webb. The reason I recommend this book is because she offers suggestions of activities parents can do with their child to help build strengths. At the very beginning of her book she admits to the frustrations parents feel and that’s an important reality check. As a child who grew up with undiagnosed ADD I know this book would have been beneficial if it had been available when I was growing up.

Reading Lara’s book and appreciating the fact someone was talking about parents being more involved with their children attracted me to Dr. Lara, Honos-Webb. She is a wonderful person and agreed immediately to read my book. She was excited. As she read it I worried that she would consider my book to be too distressing for parents and fellow ADDers to read, but I was wrong in my worries, after reading it she wrote me back that I should be so proud and gave me a beautiful quote from her to openly use which tells you what she thinks of “One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir”

“Bryan’s memoir is riveting, engrossing – a crowd pleasing read. Heartbreaking at times, heartwarming at others, if you are looking for a guide through your own or your child’s ADHD, you’ll find it here. A delightful gem – not to be missed.”

Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, author the Gift of ADHD

I am very pleased that there is such a person as Dr. Lara, Honos-Webb who works tirelessly to create ADHD awareness and help parents realize that there are positive sides of ADHD which can be of benefit. She doesn’t try to make you believe that the struggles and frustrations do not exist, we all know they do, but there are good things too and she makes every effort to bring that message to parents and give them ideas and suggestions on how to bring the best out of their child and improve both the child’s self-esteem and the parents self-esteem, because guess what – parents suffer too.

There are plenty of dark clouds in the sky and it is nice to have a ray of sunshine breaking through. We all must learn to cope and overcome, there is no way around that, it might not be easy and actually it can be pretty damn hard at times. I talk about my struggles openly and honestly, if there had not been a few good people who came into my life with some sunshine I might not have made it this far. I write about those people in my memoir and how they helped me – they did not try to cover up that I had problems, but they did help me overcome those problems by giving positive, thoughtful advice. Too many of us get the poor you, your problems are too much and you will never overcome them. Dr. Lara Honos-Webb doesn’t do that, she gives positive, thoughtful advice and at the same time helps one overcome their personal struggles. As a psychologist she has witnessed the devastating effects of ADHD firsthand and has treated the traumas created by ADHD symptoms.

No, I still do not believe we can call ADHD a blessing yet; however, I do believe we have many gifts within the traits of ADHD and if we all come together, no matter our views and work together for understanding and awareness, maybe there will come a time when we can say ADHD is a blessing, but for right now, there is still a lot of work and healing to be done.

~Bryan

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If you Believe, you can acheive anything!

(click the image for your copy)

Finally, after so much, the manifestation of my life’s story is here, it is in print, it is published and I hope and believe what I have written will help people across the world in a new enlightening way. This is my story, my memories, the good, the bad, the ugly and the wonderful, the successes and the reality that there is more and we can all find it within each of us. This is the story of what I went through and the people around me were subjected to and reacted to. This is the story of a boy who was lost, all over the place, struggled with school, with friends and just about everything, but with all the struggles, there was always something special within and for many reasons I found that something special and believe with all of my heart and my soul, you will find your something special within you too!

No matter what your relation to ADD ADHD I believe my story will give you a fresh perspective and new insight into what it really is and why it can cause so many problems and emotional devastation, but also why it is a good thing and how it can be used as an advantage, if understood and accepted. ADD ADHD cannot be cured, but the talents and traits that are a part of it can be used for everyone’s benefit. If you do not have ADD or ADHD, it is highly likely that you know someone who does; my Memoir will help you understand us better and realize there is so very much more to ADD ADHD than simple excuses.

Most of all One Boy’s Struggle is a story of inspiration for everyone and anyone. Even when certain failure is seemingly imminent, we can overcome, we can achieve and we can become happy and successful. We can have our cake and eat it too. Everyone, at some time or another must learn to control his or her thoughts and actions and in One Boy’s Struggle it just so happens that I had a little extra to overcome, so if I can do it – you can too! 

It is worth it ~ In so many ways~

 Thank you everyone!

~Bryan~

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A few parents have written me from time to time asking me what I did as a child to succeed with my homework. Because this question comes up quite a bit from concerned parents I thought I would put my two cents into the hat and if you decide to read this, remember this is from my experience and my opinions—ultimately what you decide is up to you.

Let’s start this off with the honest truth about me as a child with concern to homework. I hated it and when I could get out of it, I did. The most important thing, from my perspective and experience, for a parent to realize about ADD ADHD children is that most of them are experts in getting out of things. We spend more time coming up with detours, ways out and loop holes more than anything else. ADD ADHD children are some of the best tacticians in the world and they can negotiate just about anything. I say this because if you want the complete straight forward truth from an ADD ADHD child about his or her homework you might want to consider getting in direct contact with the teacher and working out a way that you, as the parent, receive the child’s homework assignment personally.

~

One of the things I hated most about homework is that it took up my play time and my friends always seemed to be able to finish their homework first and were outside playing, having fun while I was stuck inside not even nearly finished with the beginning. Oh, that made me mad and sad and made my homework all that more worthless to me. I think it is important that the child not perceive homework as punishment. Find ways that your child can still play with friends even if he takes a bit longer getting homework done. By the way—what’s in it for the child anyway—what’s in it for me? ADD ADHD children don’t believe in doing something for nothing or just simple appreciation. Telling a child that he or she is preparing for college can be meaningless simply because the ADD ADHD child has difficulty ‘seeing’ into the future or understanding what the future really means. Saying it’s for their own good or dangling carrots probably won’t get you too far either. ADDer’s are extremely insightful and perceptive, carrots only work for so long and if you want the child to continue the carrot needs to reach his or her mouth before long or you can write off the effect you were looking for.

The only time I did well with homework as a child is when I had a tutor or when my Mother sat with me and personally helped me. I never did well on my own, regardless of promises of rewards or what I would become as an adult. Some children might work well with the promise of rewards or even threats, but I didn’t.  However, I will say this, promises that became realities directly after I finished my homework did help me; however, be wary of this because although ADD ADHD children seem to have terrible short term memory, we remember promises not kept very keenly. It might not seem like much of a loss at the time, but ADD ADHD children are very sensitive and perceive things as directly correlating with something he or she did wrong—even if, in reality, they did the right thing.

Some parents have the opinion that promises and rewards for common things a child should do are ridiculous. Just remember that normal expectations of a normal child compared with that of an ADD ADHD child cannot and should not be the same.

Punishment does work for short term responses because of certain reasons I explain in my book, but the reality is it is short term and can create resentment and negative long term effects, even though it seems to get the direct results needed at the time of need.

It seems as though we Adults, who had ADD ADHD as a child grow out of it, but that’s not really true. We are capable of learning and understanding, it just takes us a little while for reality to dawn on us and therefore as we become older we tend to learn coping skills for ourselves and understand better what the future holds. We do carry many of our symptoms with us into adulthood, but we have a much better understanding of what matters and can work with that in a sensible manner or we can learn to. The expectations of an Adult person with ADD ADHD cannot and should not be the same as a child with ADD ADHD. There is a world of difference because we do indeed evolve too. I was a far more capable person with ADD in college and was able to complete homework assignments with my own free will, usually—I still had times when I simply didn’t do it or I procrastinated until it was overdue. 

I have collected a few links for you, which might be more helpful concerning homework:

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_how-to-help-your-child-with-homework-if-he-has-adhd_67372.pc
http://school.familyeducation.com/learning-disabilities/homework/42780.html
http://www.4-adhd.com/article4.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1034.html
thefreelibrary.com/Tips+for+Helping+Your+Adhd+Child+with+Homework

~Bryan

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To be bullied or not to be bullied – is that the question? Many Adder children suffer from being bullied and as it turns out a high percentage of bullies have ADHD. This might seem confusing, but if I take a moment to think about it, no, I guess it is not that confusing. Adders have trouble in school with both the standard educational side and the social side. I bet the inattentive adders are probably more likely to be bullied and the hyperactive types are more likely to be bullies. However, it could probably go either way, but inattentive’s usually try to stay out of the way and in the background when possible.

Because Adders stand out, even if they don’t want to, they could become targets of many forms of bullying and may decide to lash back under the frustration. It’s not easy being a kid and it is almost impossible to protect a child from hurtful things other kids say. For Adder children hurtful things get said to them more than to kids without ADD ADHD or another learning disorder. For many this leads to depression, low self-esteem, and worse. I think it is very important to understand and recognize this as a problem. We seem so shocked when there is violence in school and in some cases the violence is deadly.

Parents who have close contact and understanding for their child are setting up a good defense. It is very important that a child can speak openly to his or her parents and for parents to understand as much as they can about their child, the way he or she thinks and have extensive knowledge about ADD ADHD. In today’s world when both the mother and father usually work, it is much harder to give children the quality time they need and yet it is no less important. For single parents it is even that much more difficult.

I have collected links concerning this subject for you:

http://premium.netdoktor.com/uk/adhd/living/behaviour/article.jsp?articleIdent=uk.adhd.living.behaviour.uk_adhd_xmlarticle_004683

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1595.html

http://www.aspeneducation.com/Article-ADHD-bullying.html

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070517100417.htm

~Bryan

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One particular thing that I believe helped me significantly was how my mother would have us kids gather around her for a story. I loved it when my mother read aloud for us. Mom always picked wonderful stories, full of adventure and fantasy. I listened intently, probably the best attention I gave to any books as a youngster.

Back when I was growing up, ADD ADHD was not something seriously considered and in some cases not even heard of. But my Mom still tried her best with a child who just didn’t seem to learn from his mistakes, she tutored me, she read to me and she got me involved with local activities for children. She didn’t do this because she knew I had ADD, she did this because she loves me and wanted her child to be okay, not knowing I had an underlying disorder. She got me involved in a bowling league when I was very young and this exposed me to other children outside of my school. I was a loner and didn’t want to play with other kids, but once I started bowling I fell in love with it and the shared love we kids had for the sport became a basis for some friendships and helped me learn a little about being around others who weren’t interested in bullying and beating me up.

I credit much of my success as an adult to the positive influence my mother had on me as a child, oh but don’t get me wrong, I gave her plenty of reasons for her to give up on me, but she’s stubborn like that and has never, ever given up on me!

   
~Bryan

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