If you’ve been following my blog you likely know that I subscribe to Notes From The Universe.

They are Inspirational and motivational quotes that come to your inbox everyday.

Today I received the latest and it touched me, so I wanted to share it with you.

The top 10 things people claim to have taken for granted when they were alive:

10. How important they were to so many.
9. How easy life was when they stopped struggling.
8. That all of their prayers and thoughts were heard.
7. That there really were no coincidences.
6. How far ripples of their kindness actually spread.
5. What really was important: happiness, friends, love.
4. That any and all of their dreams could have come true.
3. How good looking and fun they always were.
2. How much guidance they received, whenever they asked for help.
1. That God was alive in everything, including themselves.

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Let’s take a moment to appreciate today and what we do have! We have the tendency to see all of our faults and our restless ADHD behaviors in bright lights, but today is a good day. It really is, if you think about how important it is. What if we didn’t have it? But, we do. Let’s appreciate it.

What do you appreciate right now? Make a list and share with us.

~Bryan

Latest post on my blog, Positive Writer: How to Motivate Yourself Even When You Don’t Feel Like Writing

Every fan of Will i Am and just about everyone one who follows the latest news on ADHD knows by now that Will i Am has revealed that he has ADHD. I found out from an article published on the online UK Mirror.

I want to point something out about his revelation that is more remarkable than the news itself.

Control

Will i Am stated according to the Mirror: “Music brings control to my thoughts. It’s not escape – it’s just order. I’m making order out of a disorder.” And further stated: “If I was stuck at a different job I’d be horrible and wouldn’t survive.”

In one fell swoop Will i Am helped bring down the stigma of ADHD just a little, because if the coolest dude in the music industry has ADHD and “made it” then ADHD isn’t the end-all-be-all of doom that so many people predict.

A Place for It

Actually, Will i Am was quite honest about his ADHD and admitted as well that it has caused him problems. But what is most important to note to me is that he found what he is good at and uses ADHD to his advantage, and from reading his quotes ADHD seems to be a benefit to him more so than a disorder:

“But those traits work well for me in studios and in meetings about creative ideas.” – “I’ve figured out a place for it. If you listen to the songs I write, they are the most ADHD songs ever. They have five hooks in one and it all happens in three minutes. I figured out a way of working with it.”

Of course, Will i Am is not saying ADHD doesn’t have complications or that it doesn’t cause people many issues. Obviously he’s well aware of the issues and reading between the lines of what he said it seems to have caused him significant difficulties until he discovered how to use it to his advantage.

I think that’s an interesting point and it’s worked for me, too. Instead of working against ADHD or trying to override the symptoms, I’ve found that working with my ADHD has provided me with a great source of energy and enthusiasm to do what I do: write. In my opinion ADHD is the reason I’ve become so prolific writing books, blogs and other material.

And really, when you look at anyone who says ADHD is an advantage to them, they tend to be extremely productive in whatever their passion happens to be. Likewise, those in jobs that are mundane or do not fit their ADHD nature tend to have very difficult times and it’s something even Will i Am admitted saying he would not survive if he had to do a different job. I think this deserves more attention in the treatment of ADHD than it currently gets.

The ADHD Benefit

Will’s story indicates more so that there is a place for everything and if you find what you are good at and enjoy doing, you can be successful and happy even if you have ADHD and perhaps your ADHD will be of benefit.

I’ve been writing that for years, but few famous, successful people with ADHD come out and straight out say it. It takes someone like Will i Am who believes his ADHD benefits his music to come out and say “I’m making order out of a disorder” for people to start listening.

A New Look

Perhaps more parents who are not so familiar with all the aspects of ADHD will look at their children differently and take a closer look at what they enjoy doing and what their strengths are, rather than only focusing on improving their weaknesses and defeating / suppressing ADHD.

I wonder how Will would be treated if he were in a job he was not good at?

To be clear, Will i Am is not saying ADHD is without difficulty, he’s saying he has it and he has found a way to make order out of disorder. I think that’s what we would all like to do.

Will i Am: You rock, dude!

What do you think of Will i Am coming forward like this?

My latest post on Positive Writer: The Secret To - Becoming Famous and Creating Something That Matters

How many times have you thought to yourself “I wish I could slow down, relax and take in this moment”?

Have you ever had a truly spectacular day you wish would last forever?

But then the next day comes and your back to racing around, trying to keep appointments (being late for most) and before you know it that spectacular day is only a faint memory.

You know it was a great day and yet, the details of what made it so wonderful become hazy and you consider yourself lucky if you can remember anything clear about it.

I know. You have ADHD, so do I.

Memories are something I used to wave at as they raced by.

I often wished I had a large mental net to capture them in, to hold and treasure forever.

Don’t you wish you had such a net?

It turns out we do.

As most of you know by now I am publishing the majority of my previously free eBooks to Kindle. I’ve been working hard on a particular popular one previously titled “How To Be Happy Every Day Even If You Have ADHD” – now titled “Happy Every Day – 25 Realistic Strategies To A Happier More Rewarding Life ” and I am glad I decided to publish this book to Kindle for everyone this time whether they have ADHD or not.

Everyone deserves to be happy, every day.

I am also glad because this book needed to be updated. I always felt it was missing something. I have rewritten many of the strategies and modified others, but I’ve included something else which I think is going to add a much needed factor.

At the end of each strategy I added optional suggestions and ideas for keeping a journal. I have found journaling to be incredibly beneficial for a multitude of reasons (all included in the book), especially remembering special moments in time.

Journaling is so helpful and I think enhances one’s experiences, especially those special days you want to remember forever. I have a 10 minute minimum journaling rule before I go to sleep. I write many things in my journal, but one of the most important is about my day, what I experienced and what I loved about it and putting to rest any negative experiences I had.

By journaling I don’t rely on my memories to keep and treasure experiences.

If you never want to lose another moment, start a journal.

A simple notebook will do. Write about your day. You don’t have to write in it every day, simply have it on your nightstand and write in it whenever you like.

However, my recommendation is to make journaling a personal commitment, be intentional about it. It’s okay to forget and come back to it later, but make a real commitment to reward your experiences by recording them so you’ll never forget them. Life is made up of moments and I don’t want to lose any and I don’t think you do either.

You’re experiences are worth it. Don’t you think? Share in the comments.

~Bryan

PS: This time instead of offering for a limited time free on Kindle, I will send review copies of “Happy Every Day – 25 Realistic Strategies To A Happier More Rewarding Life ” to those who would like to commit to writing a review. So, if you would like to review the book send me an email. (I might still give it away for free for a limited time on Amazon.)

My latest post on Positive Writer: Every Writer Needs A Little (or a lot) of Inspiration, So Here You Go

ADHD kids are different, because they think and behave differently.

But they are not bad kids.

The world has come to see ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior and this has caused mass misperceptions and serious consequences. Parents are confused, teachers are confused and kids are confused.

That’s why I wrote 7 Crucial Tips for Parents and Teachers of Children with ADHD.

Children with ADHD deserve love, too and you know what, with understanding and support these kids can do well.

As many of you know I published this book on Kindle two weeks ago. The details as to why I did that can be read here.

I have to say I was absolutely astounded by the response for this book, in the first 5 day promo it reached the top 200 in the Kindle store and quickly reached #1 in both of its respective categories for children with special needs and child development.

Talk about getting the word out.  Wow.

So today I’d like to shout out my thanks to those who read the book and to those who sent me messages, many sharing their own stories, and those who had time to review it on Amazon.

You all rock.

Here are excerpts from several of the reviews:

“Bryan Hutchinson hits another home run with his book, 7 Crucial Tips. Parents of children with ADHD (and I am one of those parents) will find tips on how to handle various problems that we ADHD families face on a daily basis.” By Terry Matlen, ACSW, Author: “Survival Tips for Women with ADHD”

“Straight to the point with real world applications and understanding of what every child needs, not to mention what children with ADHD need to thrive in this world.” By Dr. Rory F. Stern, Author, “Help Your Child [With ADHD] Succeed”

“Wonderful! This book does not contain the usual mantra of organization and chore charts and preferential classroom seating. This is a book about recognizing the child beneath the ADHD. This book is about understanding the pain that a child with poorly understood ADHD suffers.” By mbtb

“EXCELLENT ADHD RESOURCE!!! I sincerely wish I would have had this excellent resource 17 years ago. What I especially loved about this e-book was that Bryan emphasized the importance of tapping into your child’s and/or students hidden strengths. From a parent’s viewpoint, I can honestly share that in my own experience raising an extremely hyperactive boy, what made such a positive impact on my son’s attitude and academic success was by taking time to discover his God-given gifts.” By Dana A.

“Reading this book, I could not help but think that all parents and teachers should be following these tips for their children. These tips are, as the author says, crucial to helping kids with ADHD, but they really embody a parenting/teaching philosophy that I believe is beneficial for all children.” By D. Clark

“Never have I read something that hits home and helps me understand what my son is living through before reading this book.” By The Mayhak Family

“An Absolute Must Read. Bryan successfully manages to fulfill both the readers need for information and supplies some very valuable tips while avoiding overwhelming them with information. I highly recommend it.” By CeeLee

Tell your story.

This book has really hit home for a lot of people, especially for parents and that’s a wonderful thing, to know you’ve written something others are finding helpful.

Some of the most touching stories sent to me have been from adults with ADHD who have read this book. As much as I share my story, I also love reading your stories. With so many messages coming my way via Facebook, ADDer World and my email accounts, it is not always possible for me to reply to every one, but please know that I am reading them.

I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a guy with ADHD who shares his story.

I encourage you to share your story, too.

Again, thank you everyone and although I could not include complete reviews or all of them, feel free to read them all on Amazon or include your own if you’ve read the book.

THANK YOU!

Are you ready to share your story? It needs to be told, the world needs to know.

Bryan

A few weeks ago I did something that stunned most of my readers. I gave away Kindle copies of my memoir One Boy’s Struggle.

I teamed up with Story Cartel to give away free copies in exchange for readers’ reviews. That’s it. Nothing more.

And you know what happened?

One Boy’s Struggle became the second most downloaded book for Story Cartel EVER!

Pretty cool for a book about ADHD, don’t you think?

But something even more unexpected happened.

Most the reviews posted on Amazon for the free copy were by people who do not have ADHD. Go ahead, click here to check for yourself. I was surprised to say the least.

Nearly all the reviewers who don’t have ADHD agreed that they learned the shocking truth about ADHD:

IT IS REAL.

One of the non-ADHD reviewers was so taken with the story and the reality of ADHD she wrote a review not only on Amazon, but also wrote one that was published on Splickety Magazine.

Here’s a quote from her review:

In the past, I had my own skepticism. I had seen many unruly children whose parents didn’t seem to care enough to correct their bad behavior. After all, it’s sometimes much easier to place someone on medication than to get to the root of the problem.

Then, I read the memoir One Boy’s Struggle, Surviving Life With Undiagnosed ADD by Bryan Hutchinson… If you are a skeptic, it will cause you to think differently about people with ADD/ADHD. – Joan Hall

On behalf of the ADHD community I thank you, Ms. Hall.

If giving away my memoir changed the minds of some skeptics, then it was more than worth it.

My original goal for publishing One Boy’s Struggle was to help at least one person with ADHD realize he or she is not alone.

But changing the minds of skeptics?

That’s a bonus I’ll take any day of the week. Wouldn’t you?

Maybe sometime down the road I’ll offer free copies of one of my print books again. If you were one of the many who downloaded a free Kindle copy of One Boy’s Struggle and took a moment of your time to review it on Amazon, I thank you.

Hey, your review may change the minds of a skeptics and get them to read my memoir.

Pretty cool. Don’t you think?

~Bryan

My latest post on Positive Writer: Do You Want To Be A Writer Who Gets Noticed? (Here’s a great place to start.)

Every now and then I receive an email asking me if I really have ADHD. It’s a funny question because I’ve fully revealed that I have ADHD in my memoir and I further write about my experiences here on ADDer World.

So why would anyone ask me if I really have ADHD?

The answer is a lot simpler than I expected.

Most people who have asked me this question have read so much about the negative consequences of having ADHD that they’ve come to believe it is impossible for someone with ADHD to accomplish anything.

People with ADHD will fail, they can’t show up, they are always unreliable and unsuccessful, most of them are in jail and basically, people with ADHD are a waste of food and water. Right?

If you read enough headlines you may come to the same conclusion.

Those who succeed.

What is less talked about is that some of the most successful people in society have ADHD. The person with the most gold medals in history, Michael Phelps has ADHD, the founder of Jet Blue has ADHD and well, hey you know what, I’ve got ADHD and maybe you do, too.

If anyone focuses on what can’t be done or who can’t do what long enough, well, nothing will get done.

It’s not people with ADHD who cannot succeed.

It’s people who are stuck believing they can’t succeed who do not succeed.

I have ADHD, that’s true, but I do not let the latest studies or headlines convince me I can’t do what I am doing, and that’s why I accomplish what I set out to accomplish.

I am aware of my weaknesses and I am aware of the areas where I am less likely to succeed, but I am also aware of what I can do and what my strengths are.

I don’t focus on what I can’t do (I never wanted to be an architect or be an astronomer anyway).

When I read a headline that reveals negative consequences of having ADHD I don’t suddenly tell myself that’s why I can’t succeed, because I just don’t. Some do. I don’t.  Besides, not every symptom or circumstance applies to everyone.

My advice is to be aware of your situation with ADHD, what your weaknesses are and how you can work around them, over them or through them. But more importantly, be aware of what you can do by accepting that even if you have ADHD you have strengths and abilities that set you apart and give you the opportunity to be successful.

That’s how anyone succeeds whether they have ADHD or not.

Know your strengths – what you can do.

Once you know what your strengths are then you need to work ‘em. And by working them I mean you need to learn as much as you can in those areas.

I blog and ADDer World has become one of the most well known and most read blogs about life with ADHD. That didn’t happen by accident, it’s because I researched blogging and how to create a blog that is interesting and will attract an audience.

Building a blog isn’t only about the writing. Although writing interesting stuff that matters is important, there’s much more to it than that. So if you’re into blogging and want to build a blog that matters you would want to learn all you can about that area, so you would join a class like Tribe Writers. I did.

A blog only about ADHD wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to continue blogging and reach people from all walks of life so I created Positive Writer last year.

Writing and blogging are strengths of mine.

I also write and publish books. It just so happens that on my Positive Writer blog I have a guest post from Joe Bunting who is offering free writing and publishing lessons. This brings up another point. If you want to improve in anything then help others improve, too.

Yes. I have ADHD.

But I am not focused on how ADHD can hold me back. (I am aware, though. There’s a difference.)

I used to be focused on what I couldn’t do and all that did was keep from doing anything.

So now I focus on what I can do and strive to improve in those areas and that has made all the difference for me. If you want to be a blogger and succeed where thousands of others are competing for readers attention then consider joining Tribe Writers.

If you want to write and publish, then consider free lessons from my friend, Joe Bunting.

Maybe writing isn’t your thing. Whatever your thing is it is important to identify it and then find ways to learn, use and improve.

Focus on what you can do.

And if you’re up for the challenge, then I highly recommend checking out Alan Brown’s ADD Crusher site. You may find out that you are much better and more capable than you think you are.

So the question is:

Are you going to focus on how bad ADHD is or on what you are able to do? Maybe by focusing on the areas of your strengths people might ask you if you really have ADHD. Share in the comments.

What’s the one thing I can work on that will make the biggest difference?

I’ve been asked that question in one way or another more times than any other and my answer is always the same:

Reliability.

I’m not saying it is easy, because it is not. But if you were to ask me what is the most important aspect needed of people today I’d say it is reliability.

If everything else were equal being reliable is the deal maker.

We need to be reliable in our jobs. Meaning we’ll do the job we were hired to do and show up every day on time. If we make appointments we keep them. If we need to call someone at 5pm, then we call at 5pm.

Reliability is just as important in relationships. Good looks fade with age, being witty only gets you so far and when it comes down to it, partners want reliability.

You want someone you can count on.

So do others. If you say you’re going to pick the kids up after school, you do it. If it is you’re turn to do the dishes, you do it.

However, the reality for people with ADHD is that being reliable is more often than not, one of our weaknesses.

We lose relationships because we thought we didn’t love enough or were not understood. Friends stop calling because we thought they didn’t like us anymore.

And yet, the bottom line all too often is that when we were being depended on we didn’t show up, we didn’t call, we didn’t do what we were asked and agreed to. The kids had to take a taxi, the client waited by the phone and finally used it to call someone else, someone more reliable (not necessarily better, but who can be counted on)… the list goes on.

So what’s the first step to become reliable?

My answer is to understand what reliability means and how it affects you when you are and when you are not.

If you want to improve your quality of life then make a concerted effort on one thing, becoming reliable – someone that can be counted on.

I’m going to write a series of posts about how to become more reliable and in each there will be an example of how to do it.

Today’s example is about a friend of mine who frequently showed up to work over an hour late, sometimes two or three hours late and he was fired. He deserved it. He didn’t dispute that.

Deep down he wanted to show up on time. He even had coffee ready in a thermos next to his bed and two alarm clocks, but those efforts failed. He wasn’t late on purpose. He mentally beat himself up about it and considered himself worthless because he wasn’t (you guessed it) reliable.

Now, in his latest job he has become reliable.

He shows up on time.

It turns out the solution wasn’t where he thought it was. He always thought he needed help ‘waking’ up in the morning, but that wasn’t the problem.

With help he found out that he usually needs about seven hours, eight at most, to wake up naturally in the morning. So he figured out that if he went to bed earlier with plenty of time to wake up naturally he didn’t need a thermos of coffee on his nightstand or two alarm clocks.

The answer wasn’t in his morning routine. The solution was in his nightly routine and making changes in his lifestyle so he would go to bed on time.

Even with ADHD we can find ways to become reliable; however, sometimes we look in the wrong place for the solution and give up.

Have you had a hard time waking up in the morning and getting to work on time? Are you going to bed early enough? You can only sleep so long before you wake up naturally. Maybe if you know how long you need to sleep and when you naturally wake up, you can do like my friend and change your nightly routine.

That’s today’s example. Maybe it will help. I’ll be posting more so stay tuned. I truly believe you can become more reliable and it is my goal to help you find ways to do that.

There’s not always an easy answer, but every now and then we find an overlooked solution because we’ve been looking in the wrong place.

Now I gotta go. A friend asked me to read her ADHD pamphlet, give her feedback and I am committed to doing that. I’m late, but I am going to do it. See, I’ve got to work on being more reliable, too.  

How can you become more reliable? Share in the comments.

~Bryan

Check out my lastest post on Positive Writer: The Only Way You Will Ever Create Something Wonderful

When I first wrote my memoir One Boy’s Struggle I said that I’d be happy if it helps just one person. Fortunately, it’s done much more than that and has helped so many people discover what it means to have ADHD from the “inside”.

However, there have been a great deal of people from all over the world who have written me telling me they’d love to read One Boy’s Struggle, but cannot afford it. I’ve always thought the price was reasonable and recently I made a Kindle version available as well.

Today I am giving away thousands of copies for free for a limited time.

I’ve wanted to give One Boy’s Struggle away for free. Really, truly, I’ve wanted to do that. However, I do use the proceeds to support my websites and that’s important too.

Would I be going too far if I give the book away for free? Well, I’m doing it.

I wrote eBook after eBook and gave those away for free. I’m proud of all of them and with 7 Crucial Tips for Parents and Teachers of Children with ADHD I gave away a full-fledged book for free (and still do on our social network). I was originally going to publish it in paperback, but then decided to give it away as a PDF.

So what’s the limit? I am bad with setting limits.

So today is that day. I have teamed up with Story Cartel to bring you One Boy’s Struggle for free.

I’ve never done this before and this won’t last forever, so go ahead and get your copy now. And help someone else get a free copy by sharing this with anyone you think would be interested, especially adults with ADHD and parents and teachers. Go ahead, share it, there’s enough to go around. Help someone who needs it.

*Thanks to everyone who participated. This has ended. If you downloaded your free copy I hope you’ll take a few moments of your time to review it on Amazon.

Latest post on Positive Writer: 7 Inspirational Quotes That Could Change Your Life

I’ve always loved to write.

As a child I would stay in my room writing fantastic stories in my notebook. But in school, I couldn’t learn grammar to save my life.

I never passed an English class, ever. At age 37 I finally found out why. It was because of undiagnosed ADD.

All those painful years in school, listening to teachers drone on and on about adverbs, adjectives and conjunctions bored me to tears. I still don’t know what they all mean, I really don’t. It’s not because I don’t want to or that I don’t try “hard” enough, as some non-ADHD-understanding opinions would have it.

The simple truth is I can’t remember. Well, not in the normal way. Let’s just say, “I know” but I will never be able to pass a pop quiz, and I am cool with that. (Kind of – okay, already, I wish I could remember, you got me, but I can’t. So there.)

However, thanks to some insightful, brilliant teachers online I have gotten better.

#1 Advice

If you ask writing teachers what the number 1 advice is for becoming a better writer most will tell you to read a lot. I believe this is especially true for people with ADHD. Despite my reading problems (yep, I have those, too) I read a lot, I always have. And for the most part that is how I have learned to write.

I write mostly from “feeling”. I put a period here and a comma there because it feels right, not because I know it’s right. Don’t get me started about “Its” and It’s” – I do the same thing, I feel them into place - it’s what I do. However, I’ve been known to get it wrong. But don’t worry, I’m over it.

Comma splices? Oh, goodness. What a headache. As you can tell, I am using periods more frequently now. Just don’t ask me to explain what a comma splice is, please. My solution is short sentences. I’ll claim I’m following in the footsteps of Hemingway, if anyone asks. Hey, do what you’ve got to do, I say.

Of course, not everyone with ADHD has this problem with learning grammar, but for those of you who do I’ve compiled a list of online articles that have helped me improve.

I’ve found that my ADHD brain learns best when lessons are simple, to the point and use clear, obvious examples and that’s what the articles below do very well.

Check out these links:

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From The Write Practice:

The following link takes you to a series of lessons. You can sign up on the page and receive the lessons weekly. That’s what I did. If I try to learn too much too fast I tend to forget what I learned. In other words, I learn best in small doses (Oh, and there’s a lesson on comma splices. Go figure). It seems to me Joe Bunting, the leader of The Write Practice, understands how difficult it is for many of us to learn grammar and how to write better. Joe goes to great lengths to insure the articles are helpful in the simplest manner possible (and that’s hard work).

Good Grammar 101: The Essential Guide

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From Jeff Goins:

Jeff also teaches a special class, Tribe Writers. If you’re interested in finding an audience for your writing Tribe Writers is the class for you. It’s closed at the moment to new sign ups, but I’ll let you know when it reopens. Jeff is a writer and he’s also an outstanding teacher, the link below helped me cut certain words and make my writing more effective (I think).

Five Weak Words that Make Your Writing Less Effective

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From K.M. Weiland:

A Quick Ode Against “That” (Did you know that “that” can be a problem? Don’t get me started. No. Really, don’t.)

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From Live Write Thrive:

Serial Commas Are Serious Stuff (Seriously.)

Handy Hyphenation Chart

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Well, there you go, the links above have helped me and I hope they help you, too.

The reality is if you want to write and be read, then it is important to do the best writing you can and to that end it is a good idea to find out how you learn best. My advice for anyone with ADHD is to find lessons that are explained in the simplest way, are to the point and have clear, obvious examples. If you’re like me, anything else and you’ll get bored to tears.

What has been most difficult for you to learn about writing? Share in the comments.

Check out my latest post on Positive Writer: How to Rock the World and Achieve Greatness as a Creative Person

From Bryan: This is a guest post from the ever helpful and always positive ADD / ADHD relationship consultant Melissa Orlov, author of the award-winning The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps. 

“Our relationship shouldn’t be this hard!”

- is a sentiment expressed by many couples struggling when one or both partners have ADHD.  

They might fight regularly, get stuck in repetitive struggles about control and chore completion, and start to feel as if the relationship is one extended battle after another. 

If this describes your relationship, you are not alone.  Statistically speaking, relationships impacted by adult ADHD are more likely to be dysfunctional than healthy.

That’s scary – but you don’t have to be one of those struggling couples!

Learn about the specific patterns that can plague relationships impacted by ADHD and you can interrupt and CHANGE them!

Knowledge is power and you can obtain it to save your ADHD relationship.

Click Here to tweet that.

Your life: 

Let me give you one example to illustrate how knowing about and interrupting these patterns can completely change your relationship.

One pattern is ‘symptom/response/response’ in which an ADHD symptom is expressed, the other partner responds to that symptom (without realizing that’s what’s happening) and then the ADHD partner responds to the response rather than the underlying issue. 

In this common example, an ADHD partner is so distracted that he or she doesn’t pay much attention to the non-ADHD partner (sound familiar?  These patterns are quite predictable!). 

The non-ADHD partner responds by feeling lonelier and lonelier and getting more and more anxious – finally deciding that the ADHD partner no longer loves her and becomes angry about being ignored. 

The ADHD partner hears the anger and responds to that anger with more anger.

The non-ADHD partner is hurt that the ADHD partner is angry rather than “hearing” her pain… so gets angrier yet… soon the couple is fighting and negative much of the time.

What’s really going on:

The ADHD partner is expressing the symptom “distraction” yet neither partner is aware of the consequences of this. 

If both partners are aware that the ADHD partner is distracted then they can both define the problem correctly (i.e. it’s not that the ADHD partner doesn’t love the non-ADHD partner, but rather that he/she is distracted) and then solve the problem. 

Instead of becoming angry, they could create opportunities to connect with each other in ways that get past distraction – perhaps carving out specific times of the day to talk with each other, going on regular romantic dates, and scheduling times to plan what needs to get done around the house so that the non-ADHD partner doesn’t feel abandoned. 

Not only does this approach address the real problem (and therefore solves the problem rather than extending it) it also is so much healthier!

It’s a better approach: 

You and your partner don’t have to struggle. 

As a marriage consultant I have seen many, many couples get their loving relationship back on track in a way that appropriately integrates ADHD into their partnership and supports both partners. 

All you need is knowledge about ADHD and relationships and a willingness to attack the negative interactions between you head on.

What’s the biggest challenge in your relationship? Share in the comments.

~Melissa

Melissa offers live and recorded couples seminars designed to provide the tools couples need to permanently change their relationship for the better. Her latest seminar begins 7 Jan 2013, tomorrow! Go sign up now, click here. That’s an affiliate link, but doesn’t affect you and I highly recommend the seminar for couples who truly want to make their relationship better.

My latest post on Positive Writer: How to Unlock Your Creativity and Stop Feeling Like A Failure ~Bryan