Comments on: Inferiority, Jealousy, Envy and Wanting – The Burdens of ADHD http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/ Bryan Hutchinson's thoughts about ADD ADHD Attention Deficit Disorder and other stuff Sun, 06 May 2012 01:22:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Ellen http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-22784 Ellen Thu, 25 Jun 2009 21:56:45 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=1333#comment-22784 I LOVE this post and the comments. I can SOOOooo relate! I will be looking for this book. Thanks Bryan!!!! I LOVE this post and the comments. I can SOOOooo relate! I will be looking for this book.
Thanks Bryan!!!!

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-19943 Bryan Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:21:17 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=1333#comment-19943 You have just spoken for the greater majority of us Riri! You have just spoken for the greater majority of us Riri!

]]> By: Riri http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-19893 Riri Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:21:59 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=1333#comment-19893 Yes, Bryan, jealousy has been creeping my mind. I'm jealous to my friends who received scholarships to study abroad and got the job they want. They are living my long time dream. I didn't get scholarship because the GPA for my bachelor degree was so low. I didn't have a good modality from the start. I was even almost not accepted in my current university because of that. Luckily, I could charm the professors in the interview session with my British accent. Once, my colleague told me why it took me so long to finish my thesis while another friend, who got scholarship to England, already completed her study. I got so mad and deeply hurt. So hurt until I told him how much he has hurt me. I couldn't even believe myself saying that, but I was so afraid he would repeat it again. If there's a list of memorable events in Riri's life in year 2008, it would be called as the most dramatic event of the year. I got jealous with my class mates who got all A's. I was determined to be an A student, but until now, my grade is among the lowest. Believe me, Bryan, I worked hard for it. I really had to tell my thesis supervisor that I've been working hard on it, that I'm not laid-back. I got jealous with those who can focus on their work. A long time ago, before I discovered about my ADD, I was always wondering how can this person could focus so well and tried hard to do the same. But you know how it came out. I got jealous with my friends who can easily showcase their problems and receive good responses and supports. Their problems are so real, about kids, family, works...all regular problems to which everyone can relate. But once I started talking about my depression, they looked at me with a strange look, followed with laughter (!). Now, how do you think I can share easily to them about my ADD and my difficulties? Of tens of friends I have, only four of them can 'understand' it, including my coach. Even that, I still cannot talk about it easily. I feel lonely, Bryan...so lonely. Yes, ADDer World is my comfort zone now (I guess I'm a bit addicted to it), but I need 'tangible' friends also. I know I should not be jealous, but I can't help it. I think before I can be free from it, I should admit it first and let it out. Thank you for reading, Bryan. Yes, Bryan, jealousy has been creeping my mind. I’m jealous to my friends who received scholarships to study abroad and got the job they want. They are living my long time dream. I didn’t get scholarship because the GPA for my bachelor degree was so low. I didn’t have a good modality from the start. I was even almost not accepted in my current university because of that. Luckily, I could charm the professors in the interview session with my British accent.

Once, my colleague told me why it took me so long to finish my thesis while another friend, who got scholarship to England, already completed her study. I got so mad and deeply hurt. So hurt until I told him how much he has hurt me. I couldn’t even believe myself saying that, but I was so afraid he would repeat it again. If there’s a list of memorable events in Riri’s life in year 2008, it would be called as the most dramatic event of the year.

I got jealous with my class mates who got all A’s. I was determined to be an A student, but until now, my grade is among the lowest. Believe me, Bryan, I worked hard for it. I really had to tell my thesis supervisor that I’ve been working hard on it, that I’m not laid-back.

I got jealous with those who can focus on their work. A long time ago, before I discovered about my ADD, I was always wondering how can this person could focus so well and tried hard to do the same. But you know how it came out.

I got jealous with my friends who can easily showcase their problems and receive good responses and supports. Their problems are so real, about kids, family, works…all regular problems to which everyone can relate. But once I started talking about my depression, they looked at me with a strange look, followed with laughter (!). Now, how do you think I can share easily to them about my ADD and my difficulties? Of tens of friends I have, only four of them can ‘understand’ it, including my coach. Even that, I still cannot talk about it easily. I feel lonely, Bryan…so lonely. Yes, ADDer World is my comfort zone now (I guess I’m a bit addicted to it), but I need ‘tangible’ friends also.

I know I should not be jealous, but I can’t help it. I think before I can be free from it, I should admit it first and let it out.

Thank you for reading, Bryan.

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-19648 Bryan Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:53:10 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=1333#comment-19648 Hi Deb, I study all the names you mentioned, as you probably have noticed. And when one of their messages strikes a chord, I usually mention it here on my blog and recommend the book. I like to take certain aspects of each message and demonstrate how that message helps us with regard to context of ADHD. It pleases me a great deal that you get it and I too agree, if you're different, you are a person I want to meet! Hi Deb,

I study all the names you mentioned, as you probably have noticed. And when one of their messages strikes a chord, I usually mention it here on my blog and recommend the book. I like to take certain aspects of each message and demonstrate how that message helps us with regard to context of ADHD. It pleases me a great deal that you get it and I too agree, if you’re different, you are a person I want to meet!

]]> By: Deb http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/04/14/inferiority-jealousy-envy-and-wanting-%e2%80%93-the-burdens-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-19499 Deb Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:40:14 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=1333#comment-19499 This is wonderfully repackaged from that good old advice that our Moms and Grandmas gave us, "attitude is everything". Whether its envisioning your future like in the wisdom of "The Secret", or Wayne Dyer telling us to connect to the "Source" with the power of attraction-you will find what you are expecting. Malcolm Gladwell in his 2005 book, "Blink", reminds us how we are a compilation of our intuition from past experience that comes together in the "blink" of an eye when we make a judgement. We are a mix of our past experiences and what we bring to the table as a result of how we have processed that experience may be more accurate than ten experts. You can beat yourself up about your past, or learn from it, take the good out and have a positive outlook for the next time. Attitude IS everything. My latest find, "Iconoclast" 2009 by Gregory Burns, tells the neuroscience behind thinking differently and what it means to think differently in the face of contrary opinions. I have yet to finish, but I like the way he tells that some people really do think differently, experience the world in a very brain different way-from the way we respond to fear to our social intelligence. This is where I choose to live, not dictated by what others would believe of me, or expect of me, or measured by their yardstick, but who I am, built by my biology and fueled by my thoughts that are truly unique to me. I don't fit in a lot, but I don't want to fit in-I make my own place and I choose to be happy there-I need nobody's permission. Just like my grandma used to say, "that's why Heinz makes 57 varieties". This world would be tedious if we were all the same. If I were to deny my difference or feel apologetic about my differences, what would I want to replace them with? Do I have failures because of my differences? Do you know how many times Thomas Edison failed before he developed and successfully marketed his light bulb. He was not the only one doing it, but he ran in his own way and unapologetically charted his own course. Give me my failures, my inept organization skills, my rebellious nature that I have to do it my own way because their way doesn't fit me. Take my Dad's wisdom, "a lot better people than you have called me worse than that!" Maybe, just maybe, Tom Hartman and I will stop global warming, end world hunger, cure cancer over lunch someday. Or maybe I just choose to be happy right where I am. Either way I win. Why, in God's name, would we want to be all the same? If you are different-you are the person I want to get to know- because you are interesting-and we know how we hate to be bored! This is wonderfully repackaged from that good old advice that our Moms and Grandmas gave us, “attitude is everything”. Whether its envisioning your future like in the wisdom of “The Secret”, or Wayne Dyer telling us to connect to the “Source” with the power of attraction-you will find what you are expecting. Malcolm Gladwell in his 2005 book, “Blink”, reminds us how we are a compilation of our intuition from past experience that comes together in the “blink” of an eye when we make a judgement. We are a mix of our past experiences and what we bring to the table as a result of how we have processed that experience may be more accurate than ten experts. You can beat yourself up about your past, or learn from it, take the good out and have a positive outlook for the next time. Attitude IS everything. My latest find, “Iconoclast” 2009 by Gregory Burns, tells the neuroscience behind thinking differently and what it means to think differently in the face of contrary opinions. I have yet to finish, but I like the way he tells that some people really do think differently, experience the world in a very brain different way-from the way we respond to fear to our social intelligence. This is where I choose to live, not dictated by what others would believe of me, or expect of me, or measured by their yardstick, but who I am, built by my biology and fueled by my thoughts that are truly unique to me. I don’t fit in a lot, but I don’t want to fit in-I make my own place and I choose to be happy there-I need nobody’s permission. Just like my grandma used to say, “that’s why Heinz makes 57 varieties”. This world would be tedious if we were all the same. If I were to deny my difference or feel apologetic about my differences, what would I want to replace them with? Do I have failures because of my differences? Do you know how many times Thomas Edison failed before he developed and successfully marketed his light bulb. He was not the only one doing it, but he ran in his own way and unapologetically charted his own course. Give me my failures, my inept organization skills, my rebellious nature that I have to do it my own way because their way doesn’t fit me. Take my Dad’s wisdom, “a lot better people than you have called me worse than that!” Maybe, just maybe, Tom Hartman and I will stop global warming, end world hunger, cure cancer over lunch someday. Or maybe I just choose to be happy right where I am. Either way I win. Why, in God’s name, would we want to be all the same? If you are different-you are the person I want to get to know- because you are interesting-and we know how we hate to be bored!

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