Indeed, you are not alone. Yeah, the job market is saturated, so it is very difficult to get a job where you excel at your maximum. However, you do have a job, so you’re doing the right thing by doing the best you can in that job. Hang in there!

Bryan

I am going to really try to find the interesting aspect first in dealing with the mundane tasks of daily life. Once i am curious about something – starting with one simple question – I won’t let it go until I understand it all lol. (Probably why I last night I read, then went jogging at 2AM, read some more, went to the gym at 5AM, then office at 7 AM LOL)

So I do apologize as I am perhaps a bit delerious in this ramble,THIS IS YOUR WARNING TO TURN BACK NOW!!!

After struggling my way through high school and first years of college, I knew it was “now or never”, so I bared down and got my University degree in Finance. This sparked in me my belief that I could do anything, and would I set out to do.

At that point I embraced my ADD, medication, quirks, etc. (“the medication HELPS me focus on what I WANT to do, it doesn’t DO THE WORK FOR ME!!!”). I left my small city in Canada for a bigger city ready to set out to learn, experience life, and excel in anything I was asked to do.

I have obtained my stock brokers , commodities and futures, and options licenses, so I know I am intelligent enough, and capable and willing. I am told by all who know me I am smart, very trustworthy, hard working, and bound for success as I have a way of relating to anyone and anything.

I have obtained my stock brokers , commodities and futures, and options licenses, so I know I am intelligent enough, and capable and willing. I am told by all who know me I am smart, very trustworthy, hard working, and bound for success as I have a way of relating to anyone and anything.

I was on my way down that road, when I ended up having to change jobs due to my company closing. This is where I sit 4 years later. I work for a boss who has no family, no life, but 7 days a week work, is very intelligent, and extremely – like more than anyone I have ever seen – NEGATIVE. The day is spent shouting and whining over trivial expenses amounting to pennies, instead of focusing on the $200M or so that we manage. It distracts me and drains me and has beaten me don to believing all the negative things thrown at me. Also, I am currently in an accounting role dealing with details and pouring over things looking for mistakes (BORING) – and I SUCK at it., instead of being involved with the investment side of things (which I do not miss a decimal point in a sea of thousands of numbers – because I am interested in it). My co-worker and I go above and beyond at work but literally get nothing but criticism, negative feedback, and yelling.

I then carry this guilt home, and get frustrated over my being under paid, “failing to provide more” for my fiance and I, how she is a neat freak (but VERY tolerant)and she MUST get so fed up with my clutter, etc, etc. I end up wishing I could just do things like a “normal” person, effectivly telling myself i am not normal, or enough in the “real world”.

This has led me to become uncomfortably socially, in new situations, or just enjoying life. These things are what my friends and family have known and appreciated me for my whole life.

So as you can see, I am stuck even though i know i am not the person I make myself to be. To change it, i have to (believe/be motivated to) “sell myself”. Every positive thought about myself i have in my head, I just counter it for some reason.

Why don’t I have the will to get up and fix my life?

I am sure many here – as I have done with previous posts here – can relate in some way, as I have been able to do with every previous post. I thank you for your insights, as coming across this topic on this day, seems almost as a gift, or by design.

I’m sure this post has ended up in the wrong forum by now lol.

I am sorry for the length, but I just wanted to throw my situation out there, as no one can possibly understand but those who live the same things I do.

I hope to be able to offer any insight, comfort, advice, or understanding to anyone here who may seek it in the future, and it is so very uplifting to know I actually am not alone in this.

Warmest regards and CONTINUED success in being you!

Steve

Thanks for commenting and letting me know. I have been there and done that. Thinking about it and considering what certain things mean to our selves is the start. Only when we know what certain things mean to us can we then realize what we need help with and what kind of treatments might work. Sometimes we could also use a little help figuring out what something means to our self. Therapy can work wonders in that area. It did for me.

Keep on keeping on! And thanks again for stopping by.

Bryan

Good piece. I, like so many of us have struggled A LOT with directing this force of will. It’s certainly there, willpower-and yet so hard to set in motion.

I have gotten much better about forcing myself to do boring or distasteful things that just have to be done, especially since I’m a single mom now. There is simply no one else around to ask or leave it to, so that has probably been a lot of motivation.

I do agree that finding SOME aspect of a task that is interesting or positive, even if only how much better I’ll feel once it’s out of the way, is instrumental in getting my feet moving.

Uhm, just a bit confused… I am an author, yes. I am an author with ADHD.

I agree we are not ‘less than’ and really shouldn’t consider ourselves that way. A life time of chastisements and ridicule can indeed lead to low self-esteem, depression and lack of motivation. That is a certainty I am very familiar with, I have many articles here about those very topics, and too many others with ADHD are familiar with it as well – very good points.

Where I am really confused is your statements about chemicals and medication. You didn’t really clarify. Are you talking about them in general? Did you have a bad experience with medication? Not sure if you know this or not, but I do not take medication; however, I do know many who have had success and an improved quality of life when taking the right medication with the right dose. I also know folks who have had not so good results and have given up trying medication. Hopefully, in the near future there will be improved medication which has fewer side effects and better tolerance levels for the majority.

Bryan