Comments on: How To Make People Like You http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/ Bryan Hutchinson's thoughts about ADD ADHD Attention Deficit Disorder and other stuff Sun, 06 May 2012 01:22:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Bird http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26995 Bird Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:29:36 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26995 I seem to have people in my life who were just drawn to me. And then there are others who just can't stand me instantly. There are not a lot of these haters, but the ones who seem to have problems with me are people in a position of authority over me....but not all people in a position of athority over me....I wonder if my nonlinear way of thinking confuses them or makes them uneasy....I do care why this happens because these people of athority have made my life difficult.... I seem to have people in my life who were just drawn to me. And then there are others who just can’t stand me instantly. There are not a lot of these haters, but the ones who seem to have problems with me are people in a position of authority over me….but not all people in a position of athority over me….I wonder if my nonlinear way of thinking confuses them or makes them uneasy….I do care why this happens because these people of athority have made my life difficult….

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26768 Bryan Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:56:51 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26768 "Que sera, sera" Indeed Katy -indeed! Love your blog by the way, but you know that already! “Que sera, sera”

Indeed Katy -indeed! Love your blog by the way, but you know that already!

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26767 Bryan Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:54:52 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26767 Good point! Some of us feel like we are supposed to like everyone and if we don't then there is something wrong with us and we have to fix it, we are the problem. Human nature just isn't that way; however, as you pointed out, we don't have to like each other to get along and do things together... I like you though :) Good point! Some of us feel like we are supposed to like everyone and if we don’t then there is something wrong with us and we have to fix it, we are the problem. Human nature just isn’t that way; however, as you pointed out, we don’t have to like each other to get along and do things together… I like you though :)

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26765 Bryan Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:06:16 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26765 That sounds GREAT Mark! I am happy to hear that therapy is working for you. This tells me you have found a therapist you feel 'well' with. I think therapy is a great alternative and/or addition to treatment. The problem, I think, comes when we don't 'connect' with the therapist... I was diagnosed at 37 btw! That sounds GREAT Mark! I am happy to hear that therapy is working for you. This tells me you have found a therapist you feel ‘well’ with. I think therapy is a great alternative and/or addition to treatment. The problem, I think, comes when we don’t ‘connect’ with the therapist… I was diagnosed at 37 btw!

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26764 Bryan Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:01:59 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26764 I agree Eileen, Pain is a warning, when someone constantly puts us on edge and creates constant anxiety within us may also be a warning that it is time to find a new friend and move on. Life is full of challenges and not all of them should we move away from, but there are some 'we just know' are bringing more pain than happiness... I agree Eileen, Pain is a warning, when someone constantly puts us on edge and creates constant anxiety within us may also be a warning that it is time to find a new friend and move on. Life is full of challenges and not all of them should we move away from, but there are some ‘we just know’ are bringing more pain than happiness…

]]> By: Bryan http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26762 Bryan Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:46:05 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26762 Tere, I don’t think you are alone in this. Happy, the go-lucky-type, often seem to unnerve some people and it’s usually because it ‘seems’ fake. How can happiness be a reality when so many suffer and there are so many difficulties in the world? Many of us are attracted to personalities that seem ‘real’, and therefore negative and challenging, but happiness is supposed to be the natural state of the mind. Kind of ironic when we think about it… Tere, I don’t think you are alone in this. Happy, the go-lucky-type, often seem to unnerve some people and it’s usually because it ‘seems’ fake. How can happiness be a reality when so many suffer and there are so many difficulties in the world? Many of us are attracted to personalities that seem ‘real’, and therefore negative and challenging, but happiness is supposed to be the natural state of the mind. Kind of ironic when we think about it…

]]> By: Katy B. "Miss K" http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26605 Katy B. "Miss K" Sun, 27 Sep 2009 02:32:00 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26605 Nice timing for this too actually...because there's this total jerk in my community whose random rudeness to me has been taking up too much of my headspace. There's literally no reason for him to not like me/nothing I have literally done to provoke this reaction but it doesn't really matter, he has the right to not like me if he so chooses. So I like the way you presented this...he must be in my 25% of impossible converts, and que sera, sera ;) Nice timing for this too actually…because there’s this total jerk in my community whose random rudeness to me has been taking up too much of my headspace. There’s literally no reason for him to not like me/nothing I have literally done to provoke this reaction but it doesn’t really matter, he has the right to not like me if he so chooses. So I like the way you presented this…he must be in my 25% of impossible converts, and que sera, sera ;)

]]> By: Katy B. "Miss K" http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26604 Katy B. "Miss K" Sun, 27 Sep 2009 02:28:56 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26604 Oh gee...yeah, I might know a little something about this. I always choose the bad boys. The ones that are just compelled to serve you up an extra helping of disapproval. Ouch. Okay I really wish I hadn't just written that metaphor because now I can't stop thinking about "Disapproval Helper". Just add scrambled disapproval? I'd apologize for that random moment of really stupid humor but this is an ADHD blog and I'm in good, random thought-producing company... Anyway, there are a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I simply always assume that if something is screwed up, that I must have done something wrong. I am always number one on my blame list...and that's effed up. Good post... Oh gee…yeah, I might know a little something about this. I always choose the bad boys. The ones that are just compelled to serve you up an extra helping of disapproval. Ouch.

Okay I really wish I hadn’t just written that metaphor because now I can’t stop thinking about “Disapproval Helper”. Just add scrambled disapproval? I’d apologize for that random moment of really stupid humor but this is an ADHD blog and I’m in good, random thought-producing company…

Anyway, there are a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I simply always assume that if something is screwed up, that I must have done something wrong. I am always number one on my blame list…and that’s effed up.

Good post…

]]> By: MT Shepherdess http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26603 MT Shepherdess Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:37:46 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26603 When I reflect on some of the friends I instantly clicked with (male and female) growing up, those easy relationships were with like-thinking others who probably had ADD themselves. Or perhaps they had expansive, creative minds that tolerated (appreciated?) my non-sequential zest for life. My hardest relationships were with black-and-white sequential thinkers who wanted unquestioning agreement and insisted on protocol. This latter group included grade school teachers and a few bosses in my adult life. I noticed the instant dislike response from some people very early on, but I consoled myself as a child that it was 'ok' not to try hard to please others (luckily my parents gave me permission for this and also were aware of this reactivity in some adults/classmates). Ironically, one of the people who disliked me the most is a former colleague who is nationally known for work in ADHD (but doesnt have it himself). But he did give me some valuable advice by telling me: "we don't have to like each other to work together". This was liberating. When I reflect on some of the friends I instantly clicked with (male and female) growing up, those easy relationships were with like-thinking others who probably had ADD themselves. Or perhaps they had expansive, creative minds that tolerated (appreciated?) my non-sequential zest for life. My hardest relationships were with black-and-white sequential thinkers who wanted unquestioning agreement and insisted on protocol. This latter group included grade school teachers and a few bosses in my adult life. I noticed the instant dislike response from some people very early on, but I consoled myself as a child that it was ‘ok’ not to try hard to please others (luckily my parents gave me permission for this and also were aware of this reactivity in some adults/classmates). Ironically, one of the people who disliked me the most is a former colleague who is nationally known for work in ADHD (but doesnt have it himself). But he did give me some valuable advice by telling me: “we don’t have to like each other to work together”. This was liberating.

]]> By: Mark http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2009/09/26/how-to-make-people-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-26601 Mark Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:51:30 +0000 http://adderworld.com/blog1/?p=2304#comment-26601 Ok... So many thoughts going through my head as we speak that i will do my best to gain control and make the best sense i can... This hits home on sooo- many levels; all though, I hate flashing to the past, I will go and do. As long as i can remember, my job on this place we call earth has been to be a "people-pleaser." I didn't know that i had full-blown ADHD until this year at age 38; however, this particular topic has opened my eyes so wide that they can't be shut at the moment. i have been the one that has been piked on push around, which put me in the wrong group through jr and high school "stoners" or "druggies". Although i was accepted in this group, those that were "MY friends :)" would tease me, push me around, etc.., I'm sure you all get the picture, and some can relate. I had a best friend growing up that was my controlling friend that thought for me... I then got married to a girl that i later divorced that thought for me. Many friends that came into my life that wanted to hang out and get to know me, you know, those easy-going peeps. I would make excuses so that i wouldn't have to, heave forbid, hang out with somebody who genuinely liked me. I find as well being a people-pleaser, which i think many ADDER are, makes us easily taken in to people, or "friends" that just flat out take advantage our us because we just want to be liked. The truth does hurt, but with therapy, and more therapy... I am SLOWLY finding myself and SLOWLY understanding who i am, and most importantly understanding who I will and am becoming... Ok… So many thoughts going through my head as we speak that i will do my best to gain control and make the best sense i can… This hits home on sooo- many levels; all though, I hate flashing to the past, I will go and do. As long as i can remember, my job on this place we call earth has been to be a “people-pleaser.” I didn’t know that i had full-blown ADHD until this year at age 38; however, this particular topic has opened my eyes so wide that they can’t be shut at the moment. i have been the one that has been piked on push around, which put me in the wrong group through jr and high school “stoners” or “druggies”. Although i was accepted in this group, those that were “MY friends :) ” would tease me, push me around, etc.., I’m sure you all get the picture, and some can relate. I had a best friend growing up that was my controlling friend that thought for me… I then got married to a girl that i later divorced that thought for me. Many friends that came into my life that wanted to hang out and get to know me, you know, those easy-going peeps. I would make excuses so that i wouldn’t have to, heave forbid, hang out with somebody who genuinely liked me. I find as well being a people-pleaser, which i think many ADDER are, makes us easily taken in to people, or “friends” that just flat out take advantage our us because we just want to be liked. The truth does hurt, but with therapy, and more therapy… I am SLOWLY finding myself and SLOWLY understanding who i am, and most importantly understanding who I will and am becoming…

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