I agree with everything you wrote. And I am one of those ADHD people that stayed in the wrong relationships for far to long. Reading your article is like breathing a breath of fresh mountain spring air!

Peg

The good news is that the relationship compelled you to seek and find help, that’s fantastic! Good for you. Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to be and sometimes there’s nothing that can be done to save them, even if ADHD is the fault or is to blame or whatever.

Sometimes, and more often than not, a bad relationship is just a bad relationship and ADHD is used as a release for anger as if that would help, which it doesn’t. However, some relationships could be saved with proper treatment, but not any relationships I have had lol! I am happily married now and she’s more likely to laugh than get upset or angry. A good relationship is just, simply, a good relationship too.

Bryan

After reading what Bryan wrote to you, I agree with him that ONLY YOU can make the final decision on whether to break up or stay together in your relationship. Nobody likes to be in your shoes, but the truth is that many of us have been in very similar situations as you.

Breaking up can be so hard to do! Why do we spend so much time agonizing over it, feeling so frustrated, confused, angry, sad and torn into a million little pieces?

Jacquelyn, there may not be an easy and simply answer, but the one thing I want to suggest is this: WHEN IN DOUBT, DO NOT MAKE ANY FINAL DECISIONS.

What I find extremely helpful for me is to literally write down or type the pro’s & con’s of breaking up and staying together. By writing or typing all of the good, bad and ugly scenarios, it will provide you a clearer picture of the facts.

Do not force yourself to make up your mind by a specific date because this serious decision should not be rushed. On the same token, are you willing to spend one additional year in limbo and not make any decisions?

The most important question of all: Do you love this man? Does he love you? Have you discussed with him how you are feeling about your relationship and about his children?

If this stressful situation is truly affecting your mental & physical health, I recommend that you consider some form of stress reduction, such as yoga, exercise, relaxation techniques, professional massage, quiet time in prayer/meditation or professional therapy. Take better care of yourself and look for ways to seek peace of mind.

Take one little step at a time to address a concern of yours and to look for helpful ways to resolve it. Think about which concern is the most urgent issue and allow yourself to focus on that one concern.

By prioritizing your concerns, from the most urgent to the not very urgent, you will be able to gradually work on finding solutions and answers to make the necessary changes in your life. Take a deep, long breath, relax and take one day at a time!

Yes, I agree. Novelty is beautiful and delicious, gets our attention and is blinding. I tend to think we are a bit more primal during new relationships for a few particular reasons, but yes, the novelty is paramount, next to, dare I say, the S word? I don’t know, though, if it boosts brain function in a good way, because it sure seems we are more blinded than what is usual… caught up in the moment, led by instincts etc… just my thoughts, but, here again, we lead ourselves back to blaming ourselves, even if the relationship difficulties aren’t necessarily our fault, we in-turn blame ourselves for getting in the relationship in the first place, that we didn’t see it coming. Yep, hindsight is 20 / 20! However, I think we all can look back at situations and say “Should have seen it coming”, but wasn’t it good?! Yeah, until reality set in and we are saying “Who are you and where did that person I have been dancing in the clouds with go???” lol

Here’s something that I just read this evening, that sparked my memory about this post. …I just, by chance, noticed how this may apply to me.

Gina was writing the words of Harvard Medical School professor and psychologist:”Novelty is much more exciting to people with ADHD, so they can remain much more focused during courtship,” Brooks says. That is, the excitement can act as a sort of medication that boosts brain function.

Whatcha think?

I have also been interested in Gina’s blog, and the way the brain can affect our audio reception.

Sometimes it can be very funny, and let me laugh at my self, when I realize how silly I must have sounded, when responding to a question,statement,etc,,,. But funny may not be the word my wife if thinking…lol.

Scott.

That’s a good point; our ADD nature does seem to get us in trouble by jumping in a little, or a lot, too quickly without getting to know someone. You’re also right about Gina’s book, absolutely outstanding, as a matter of fact, her latest article on BlogSpot hits on another point about our ability to ‘listen and hear’ … whadya say? Need to get that fixed before ‘jumping in’ lol!

B.

I agree about ADD can’t be blamed for every bad relationship. Some women are just….ooops I better be careful! HA HA.

Seriously though, I’m not real sure, but ADD may have had some affect on my decision to marry my first wife.

But I did’nt know I had ADD at the time, and maybe if I had treatments and medication at a younger age, I would’nt have jumped in so quickly to get the stimulation of getting married the first time(to that woman). Just a thought, by an over-thinking guy.;)

Gina has helped me so much with her advise and her book, and I use it now to guide me away from trouble, that may occur with my obvious ADD symptoms.

Good article Bryan! It touches on a very touchy subject for me!

Scott.

Good information, though, and I have heard of successful relationships such as this and caring for kids; however, when it is a disastrous breakup…