Should I have a child or should I not have a child, that is the question.

And I have an answer:

Thanks, but no thanks. Or, to be clearer: No, I do not want to have a cute, little adorable one of my own; I do not want to nurture or raise a baby of my own.

This question has come up more times than I can remember and my answer has always been the same. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I have felt a little sentimental and thought, oh what would it have been like to raise a small child into an adult, but then as soon as someone says ‘Hey, you’re not too old’ well, that just ruins the whole thing for me and I remember, quite quickly in fact, that I do not want to have a baby. Nope. Yes, accidents happen, but ADHD or not, I am clever enough to not let such an accident happen. There are some things I can focus on quite well.

I have always been up front about my decision and I have absolutely no qualms about it. Yes, I have stopped relationships from blossoming because the desire to have a child was so strong in the person I was seeing. Is that wrong? I don’t think so. I choose the word: fair. It’s better to be honest than to skip around it and say how nice it would be, when I really don’t mean it.

I like to think I am a practical person. When you have ADHD, learning to be practical is a big step in the right direction, as far as I am concerned. Yes, I do allow way too many whims to take control of me from time to time, but this is one that has never caught hold and I have many good reasons why. If you own my book “One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir” (it’s affordable and might save you even more than you realize) then you have in your possession more reasons as to why not than I can possibly ever convey in a blog post. Even so, let me explain myself a little bit here. I highly recommend anyone with ADHD and co-morbid conditions considering children to read my book first! Not necessarily to sway you, but rather to give you the other side of the story, sort of speak.

I have ADHD. I have co-morbid PTSD and Depression (well, the depression isn’t as much a factor as it once was thanks to therapy). It is my belief that when one (me particularly) decides to have a child it is not just a desire to reproduce and carry on my name. It is much more than that. It’s a decision about the rest of my life, but even more so it is about the life of the child, notably the quality of life he or she will have. It’s well known that ADHD is hereditary, as well as many other health conditions. Can I maintain and care for a child with ADHD? The answer is simple and clear to me: No. Even before I knew I had ADHD, long before that I already knew that my inherent issues with distraction, impulsiveness and forgetfulness would not be conducive to creating a home environment that would benefit any child, with or without ADHD.

Maybe I am not giving myself enough credit? Perhaps you are right, but I am not willing to put it to the test and what’s more, I do not have the desire to put it to the test. I may talk about how I have come to see my ADHD in a positive light and how I can use many of my ADHD traits to my advantage and that’s all true, but let me be as clear as possible, I still would not wish my conditions on anyone (except for maybe my charm, you’d enjoy that)!

A few weeks ago my decision came through to me clearer than anything ever could. My young nephew, who has ADHD something fierce, especially the “H” part, finally pushed himself too far and hit his head with such force that he had bleeding in the brain. I can never describe the few days that passed agonizingly slow for my family and especially my younger sister. We didn’t know what would happen next and he went into a comma. I am happy to report that he is now at home and doing much better. I will be honest with you, I don’t know how my sister does it, but she does, and amazingly so. She’s better suited than I am, in more ways than one.

Yes, it is true that we don’t know what we are capable of until we try, but it is my humble opinion that I must evaluate my situation before I decide to have a child and I have done that. I have met too many people who have let desire take control of them, passed on their hereditary conditions and then get in so deep that disaster after disaster strikes, some have lost their children either to the law or in some cases, even death. And I have seen some of those same people decide to try again with the same results or even worse. I know I am being rather extreme here and this will upset more than a few people, but it’s important to me to seriously consider all aspects which may be possible given the circumstances. At the same time there are resounding success stories. Both my nephews, from my little sister, have ADD and ADHD respectively (each their own), and they are the most wonderful kids in the world! My sister is truly blessed to have them and I am just as blessed to have them as family. However, I could not do it and such a decision is not something to just ‘try out’.

Am I so wrong? Actually, that’s not really a question is it, because in this decision I would never truly ask, especially not in the hopes that someone would sway me. Each person must make their own decision on whether to have children or not and it’s a very personal decision. I can’t control (nor would I ever want to), who looks at what facts or what considerations when it comes to creating a human being that must be cared for, nurtured and raised into a healthy, vibrant adult. However, I do have control over my own and it’s my choice. Joan is already a wonderful mother to a brilliant young adult, and she understands, appreciates and agrees with my decision. Although I know she would take up all the slack and take care of our baby as if it ruled the world, but – would that be fair to her? We are happy together, as we are.

I have far too often been told that I should have children so I can know what is like to raise a child and be a responsible parent. Is that really a reason I should have a child? I think not. Again, not fair to the child, the mother or even, for that matter, me.

I have the greatest, most profound respect for mother’s and father’s the world over, especially of children with ADHD, ADD and LD’s, Autism etc… You are the most amazing people in the world! I wish you the utmost of success and happiness, that’s just not for me and in this respect, for those of you who can do it and do it day in and day out, you are wonderful, courageous people, indeed. Hat’s off!

Aww, don’t make that face at me.

~Bryan

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Have you ever wondered about what success means to you? I mean, what it really means? Not just the definition, but rather what it feels like to be successful, to achieve something of significant relevance to you? I think for people with ADHD, like me and maybe you, the very word and the meaning of success is alien. We have read about it and heard about it and yet, rarely have we identified with it.

Are you successful?

 If that seems like a loaded question, it’s not, but I think to a lot of us, it seems that there may be some hidden implication within the question itself. If you say yes, then you are lying and displaying conceitedness! How dare you! Bow your head in proper shame. That’s not the voice from someone else; as a matter of fact it’s not a voice at all. It’s a perception that many of us have. It’s a rather solid perception too, because without hesitation we can back it up with a long list of failures that will cut us to the quick faster than we can even think. But, there’s more to it.

ADHD is so widespread and common, that sometimes we forget how unique and complex it is. We forget that ADHD affects us beyond the normal range of symptoms that are involved. ADHD can have such a profound effect on our lives that too many of us become unable to identify ourselves with anything that we have done which is, or at least could be, considered successful.  

Since I have created ADDer World I have met so many wonderful and, by what seems like all rights, successful people with various educational degrees – Associates, Bachelors, Masters and PhD’s and I have met Mother’s and Father’s, husband’s and wive’s, business owners and website designers, authors, bloggers and coaches, mentors and the list goes on… 

And yet, I have rarely met those that feel they are successful.

At every level, most all of us seem to be doing the same thing – striving! But, for what?! That’s the question.

You could, for a moment, consider that in our culture to admit success is wrong, it is an unwritten rule – but no, it’s more than that, for me and others it’s a belief grounded within us and it comes from our very nature and if we don’t do something about it, no matter what we do, no matter how far we go or how much we achieve, we will never feel that we have been successful. Yes, the other shoe may very well drop tomorrow, but what you do today does matter, it does have significance and it is okay to admit that you did something well, perhaps very well, indeed. Just because tomorrow may bring with it mistakes and maybe a blunder here and there, it still does not negate something good we did today or yesterday! That’s easy to read, I know.

We beat ourselves up so much in preparation for our missteps to come that we hardly ever appreciate what we have accomplished. Some of us are striving so desperately for some unknown goal that we almost never stop and say – ‘Wow, I did that!’ I have won pool tournaments, but before I sunk the last ball I was already thinking of my ranking and how I could make it to the next tournament (hotel fair, paying for gas, entrance fee etc). It was never enough, but I tell you what – when I lost, I took full credit immediately, there was no hesitation to chastise and belittle myself.  

Those of us with ADHD, most of us are so used to not meeting expectations and failing to accomplish the most mundane of things that we are relentlessly chastising ourselves. The crux of it is that a lot of us accomplish so much that others, looking on from the outside must think we are delirious with a need to overachieve! Then, and this is an important one for me, there’s the fact that what others consider achievement or success is not what we always feel or believe is successful. Awards and trophies may mean nothing to us, but a simple thank you may mean the world. I remember as a child that I was on a bowling team that was always number 1 and friends would think I was some kind of awesome bowler, but in reality, for the longest while, I was terrible at it and it was my handicap that helped my team! I knew the truth, so being on a number 1 team really didn’t mean as much to me as some think it should have. Winning a simple game of marbles in the backyard meant much more to me than being on a number 1 team in something I wasn’t really that good at! But nobody cared that I could play a mean game of marbles, even though at that time in my life playing marbles was the most delightful experience for me.

It’s easy to learn that the things that make us feel successful don’t mean all that much to anyone else. Besides, all the trophies I won as a child, which was recognized by others as successes were destroyed right in front of my eyes because I failed in other things of greater importance. I couldn’t win for losing and why should I identify with success when it is going to be used against me anyway? Doesn’t it seem that life and success feel that way more often than not? But, alas, we often feel as though we should give up and yet we don’t, but we strive and strive for what? Why don’t we take a sincere moment to answer that to ourselves, forget for a moment what others may want of you or what others think you should be doing with your life.

What do you want?

What does success mean to you? Can you identify with success?

Why do we all too often fail to recognize we have achieved something?   

You know what I think – I think it would help if we stop for just a day, or at least an hour, from listening to the chatter about how we could be better, how we need to improve, how we need to get help, because, basically those things are beating us up like there is no tomorrow. The message comes in very clear, we get it: We are never enough, we are messed up, and we have a disorder! We get it already. How about we take a moment to recognize the things we have done well, the things we have accomplished! Write them down, shout them out and then tomorrow, we can go ahead and continue the self improvement we all seem to invest our lives in, all the while, sadly, ignoring what really matters to ourselves – even though we think that’s what all the so called ‘self improvement’ is about.

 You know what I am going to do today? I am going to go play a game of marbles.

What does success mean to you? Can you define it?

~Bryan

PS: As with all my articles, this is an imperfect article.

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Impulsivity can lead to disaster due to blurting out thoughts never meant to be spoken.

Thoughts race through our minds, here, there and back again. Some thoughts don’t mean much, they just race by and have no concrete meaning, but every now and then, in the heat of a moment or in uncontrolled haste, some thoughts never meant to be said slip out and, as much as we would like to and as much as we try to explain and apologize, we can’t take them back.

We’ve all had that happen. However, let me try to explain something to any non-ADDer reading this. It’s called impulse control. Part of ADHD is a lack of impulse control and, as you can imagine (or not) we are quite impulsive. If something suddenly shines extra brightly in front of us and it is too expensive, outside of our budget, we may not consider the price or the consequences of making the purchase. It’s there, we are there and somehow, someway, we just buy it. That’s one instance, but with an easy solution called ‘refund it’. It’s a rather common one, but then there is one type of impulsiveness that isn’t explained away or taken back so easily.

There is a way the mind works that is as confusing as it is common. We all, ADHD or not, have thoughts that either float around in our heads, or race around, as in the case of ADHD they tend to race. These thoughts are not always rational, nice or accurate. They are just there. Some call these uncontrolled thoughts the pessimist within, or the Id, or the Ego, or the Super Ego (all have separate definitions [Freud], but we won’t go into that). Not all of these thoughts are self deprecating, some thoughts are about others and when spoken they come out as personal judgement or opinion.   

There is a silent, unspoken rule in general society:

You can think it, but you can’t say it.

Have you ever said something you didn’t mean to say and wish you could take it back, but once it is out there, it’s out there and you must either try to fix the situation created from your words, apologize or walk away? Who hasn’t? In the case of ADHD, those thoughts which tend to race around the mind, but have no genuine meaning sometimes slip out into the world verbally. They aren’t meant to be thought, much less said, and have no true value to the person saying them, but because they are spoken aloud, they are taken literally and have very serious significance to the person or people hearing them, especially if those words have direction and specific meaning. For the ADDer, explaining that the words aren’t meant is nearly impossible. Once something is said, it is said and you can’t take it back!

Interestingly, there is very little, to no empathy for saying something or doing something impulsively, especially if it hurts someone. However, think about all the things you think about in a single day, think about some of the nightmares you have had in your sleep and they remain with you into the day – now, what if, in a moment while doing something, anything, you think of something, then look around you and realize that what you were thinking was actually spoken aloud. You didn’t mean to say it, it had no true value to you, it was just one of those random thoughts that everyone has. There’s no excuse for it. Your marriage is over. Your child’s feelings are hurt. Someone is crying, someone is devastated. You didn’t mean to say it… it had no value, until, until it was spoken. It was just one of those meaningless thoughts that pop into our heads.  

Remember, again, that there is a silent, unspoken rule in general society:

You can think it, but you can’t say it. Even if you didn’t even mean to think it at all!

Remember this rule well. Unfortunately, this rule is difficult to abide by, being impulsive is a staple in ADHD symptoms.

ADHD is not an excuse; however, it is a reason for certain behaviors, such as with impulse control. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be ADHD. This, of course, is not to say that with awareness we cannot learn to control it better, or observe our behaviors better, because, we can and yet, from time to time, ADHD will get the better of us!

Have you ever said something and then wonder ‘Did I really just say that?!’

~Bryan

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Sorry I haven’t had the time to write as much as I would like lately. The new book has captured a lot more of my time than I thought it would and now that it is near completion, I really don’t have a clue what to write about at the moment. Hopefully, that’s just a phase? Have you finished a major project and then kind of wondered around a while wondering what to do next and it seems as though there’s nothing else to do? That’s kind of where I am at.

For the new book Joan and I wanted to include a few pictures for very specific places within it. You get to see a selection we are considering in this post. Please tell us which one’s you like best. We want you to have a part in this book. Next week we reveal the completed cover, which was accomplished with the assistance of members’ suggestions!

The book Adult ADHD can be Sexy is about relationships, intimacy and what Joan and I have learned together in order to make our relationship continuously better for both of us. We delve into some unexpected, not so much talked about places. Although I have written most of the content, Joan has had a major impact and her support has been essential – I even convinced her to write a chapter! It’s a delicious treat.

To give you a better idea of what you’re going to find in this book, over the last year I have published parts of more than a few of the chapters in blog posts and those parts have become some of the most popular blog posts I have ever published, two of them in particular have spread all over the web! However, I am not going to tell you which articles I am referring to – you’ll have to read the book to discover which ones! Oh, and yes, I know you all are very good guessers!  

Please pick one or two of the photos that you like best to be included in the new book. You can comment, private message me on the ADDer World Network or email me, if you prefer.

Photos are by the wonderful model / photographer Catalina Magee

B:

C:

D:

E:

F:

G:

 Here’s a late add that we are also considering:

H:

Thank you for taking part in the new book!

~Bryan

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Have you ever shown brilliance and extraordinary talent and yet less talented peers passed you in the long run?

In any endeavor, sports, dating, work and even tinkering in a hobby with the hopes of accomplishing anything, there is nothing more important than mastering basics and fundamentals. Undoubtedly, you’ve heard this before, but do you really know what this means – especially in the context of ADD and ADHD?

You can have incredible talent mixed with ADHD risk taking and impulsivity and you can do absolutely amazing things which blow the minds of any spectators, but at the end of the day, most times you will fall short of your desired outcome, you will lose! You will fall flat on your face. And, it will hurt! Sorry, I know that is painful to read, but you and me, we know it’s true. Don’t we?

It’s confusing, it is frustrating and it is part of having ADHD!

And, you can do something about it!

However, it requires of us to realize and admit something painfully infuriating:

You may have all the talent in the world, able to do fantastical things others can only dream of, but for some strange and absolutely odd reason, others with not even half of your talent will eventually pass you in actual accomplishments. Yes, your talent is still above and beyond theirs and yes, you can still show sparks of greatness, but ultimately you cannot sustain any type of consistency whereas the person with less talent, who has mastered the basics and fundamentals, can.

Someone with half the talent, or even less, but has mastered the basics and fundamentals will typically win the race.

Tortoise will out-race Hare time and time again.  

But what about successful people with ADHD? You might ask.

Think about them for a moment. What do most successful people with ADHD have that has enabled them to somehow break the mold? Too often certain boring details are skipped over when discussing highly successful people with ADHD and such omissions are NOT helpful. The rest of the story of what enabled them to become successful, despite the odds, with regard to having ADHD, would be helpful and help people like you and me, to stop beating ourselves up for not being more.

Take Michael Phelps for example, he has been in training since childhood! Since youth, Michael has been coached, mentored and trained as an elite athlete. Even with ADHD, he knows and understands the basics and fundamentals of swimming better than most. 

Have you been in intensive training since childhood? Have you been mentored and coached to be a world champion since childhood? I know I wasn’t, and I don’t think there are a whole lot of us that have been. Trying to relate to Michael is nearly impossible for most of us. I am very happy for Michael, but this post is for the rest of us!

If somehow, someway, a person with ADHD does master basics and fundamentals, matched with his or her innate talents – I sincerely believe that other person with half the talent or less, won’t ever catch up! Especially when you add on proper ADHD diagnosis and treatment, the sky is the limit! (Unless you’re with NASA or Richard Branson, of course.)

People with ADHD receiving proper treatment for their ADHD have far and away better chances than those untreated. However, if one has been diagnosed late in life, proper treatment might still seem like it is falling short, that something is still missing. Treatment, of any kind, without the knowledge of what has been missed, isn’t usually enough. I think this gives fresh meaning to ‘going back to the drawing board’.

Typically, without proper treatment of ADHD, learning basics and fundamentals is excruciatingly boring for us ADDers! We will want to skip ahead, bounce around, go back and forth and just about anything else. It’s nearly impossible to endure learning the basics and fundamentals without some type of intervention for people with ADHD. Without the best coaching, mentoring and training – do you believe Michael Phelps could have done it?

Here’s a personal example I have used before:

I am a pool player. When I first started playing I showed an abundance of talent, I had few peers as talented as I was. However, as the years passed, playing pool became frustrating, even irritating, and people I knew who clearly didn’t have my talents or abilities crept up, year after year they continued to improve and achieved better results in tournaments than I did. I was stuck and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why.

It was only after seeking out a highly qualified mentor that things started to change for me (You can read the details of this story in my first book). It turned out I didn’t stand right, I didn’t hold my cue right and I didn’t take the basic ‘easy’ shots when they were clearly the best choice. I had no clue what the percentages were between different types of shots and I didn’t care. I had a flare for the dramatics and crowd pleasing hard shots which had very low percentages of completion, but high rates of applause when pulled off! (What’s that about instant rewards and ADHD? They don’t pay off in the long run though!)

Because my desire for playing pool and winning was so strong, I eventually did, with help, learn the basics and from then on I began to advance. My ADHD traits became an advantage in my game, such as with hyper focusing.  

I think, (because this post is just my opinion) one of the major frustrations for many of us late diagnosed adult ADDers, is that even with treatment many of us are not accomplishing our goals and fulfilling our heart’s desires.

Proper treatment and management of ADHD is a must, but if we still do not realize, or it hasn’t been pointed out to us, that we have skipped the most important ingredients of success, such as learning basics and fundamentals, we are still going to be stuck and perhaps think treatment isn’t working.

The good news is that with proper treatment and management of ADHD, going back to learn the basics and fundamentals of whatever it is you do, isn’t going to be as boring as it once may have been.

Most of us skip the basics and fundamentals not because we think we can do without (Well, yeah, that’s part of it when talent shines too brightly – ohhh shiny, anyone?), it’s because those tedious little details are boring as heck! The decades will roll by and things will not improve in specific endeavors if the basics and fundamentals are not learned. You can have the most advanced and perfectly conditioned race car in the world, but if it doesn’t have the right tires, it’s not going to make it to the finish line!

This has been a long post, but if you made it this far, maybe you can relate? If you have ever tried and tried again and again, even with diagnosis and treatment, but still could not maintain – perhaps consider the basics and fundamentals of your endeavors. If you have already: did it make a difference? I’d like to know. Have you ever show brilliance and extraordinary talent and yet less talented peers passed you in the long run?

You know, I think it is interesting how negative I was towards myself due to being so inconsistent in pool. One day hot, the next day not, sometimes it would go hour by hour. I would get so frustrated and outright mad at myself, telling myself such devastating things to try and pick my game back up, but isn’t it funny (not really), that just by learning to stand correctly, hold the cue a certain way, which is the most basic of the things I needed to do – you know, the boring stuff, helped bring my consistency up to a level that I had never imagined possible.

Yes, I still struggled with distraction for a long while, but when you realize there are solutions and they are real and workable solutions, it makes no sense beating ourselves up constantly, because doing that of all things will not help. It’s a matter of knowing what those solutions are.

How could I know my foot was pointing too far inward in my stance? Without a mentor, learning the basics and fundamentals, it may well have stayed that way forever. Oh, it wasn’t just my foot, trust me!

It is never too late to learn the basics and fundamentals!

And if you are properly diagnosed with ADHD and receiving treatment, so much the better to help you focus on mastering them!

~Bryan

(*My posts / opinions on this blog or anywhere should absolutely NOT be used to diagnose or treat anyone. If you suspect ADHD or any condition, please do seek a professional diagnosis and/or professional treatment.)

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Here’s a top ten list I have put together of things to do and NOT do with your ADHD partner:

Do not:

1. Do not play parent (motherly or fatherly)
2. Do not take on the sole responsibility of trying to correct his or her behavior
3. Do not blame every aspect of the relationship which might be damaged on his or her ADHD
4. Do not make statements which are demeaning with the hope that it will spark his or her attention that they must make corrective efforts.
5. Do not say things like: “This is the right way to do this or that.” Or “That’s not the way things should be done.”
6. Do not take his or her hyper focusing on projects or people, places or things personally. Hyper focusing is not about your relationship directly or indirectly, it’s a difficult to control or much less, predict, trait of ADHD.
7. Do not insist that medication is the answer to your relationship issues as a whole. Treatment of ADHD will help, but there are at least two people in every relationship, not one.
8. Do not expect ADHD symptoms to ever completely go away or that you can change someone’s behavior. ADHD symptoms are not bad habits.
9. Do not expect your ADHD partner to say the right things or become interested in subjects being discussed in social gatherings; however, Adult ADDers have spent a life time trying to fit in and often mix into the background without attracting attention.
10. Do not predict what we may do or say in every situation – we are rather impulsive and tend to change as things change around us (more on this in an upcoming post).

Do:

1. Do learn all that you can about ADHD. I sincerely think it is best to learn from those who have ADHD, by reading their personal experiences, successes and also their failures. The very best book on the subject from this perspective is Dr. Hallowell’s book ‘Driven to Distraction’. There are many books out there and online blogs written by people with ADHD, each with their own unique perspective. The best book by someone without ADHD is by Gina Pera, ‘Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.’ She interviews thousands of ADDers in relationships (and out) and yes, consoles us too. Her book is specifically about Adult ADHD and Relationship issues, how it effects relationships and what steps can be taken to improve the relationship from the ADHD perspective and treatment options.
2. Do keep an open mind and realize that you have traveled into a novel experience which you cannot predict or always plan for.
3. Do express your wants, needs and desires by asking specifically for a time and place to discuss and write them down. Keep it pleasant and be sure to explain how your ADHD partner will benefit by taking your needs into account. I know it is difficult to understand why you or anyone would need to clarify such seemingly obvious things, but it helps to understand that communication cues are often missed by ADHD partners without us meaning to miss them, or (oh my, sorry) ignore you. ADDers also perform better from a reward standpoint and yes, even for you.
4. Do expect to find things in strange places. We tend to lose things quite frequently, to include, but not limited to: keys, wallets, letters, cards, utensils, cars and yes, even shoes. I take my shoes off just about anywhere in the house. I tried taking them off at the door for at least two days straight and then without considering it, I gave up on that. Each morning I search for my shoes. Joan usually knows where they are, especially if she tripped over them… hi Joan!
5. Do suggest eating out. Even if you cook, most of us loath nothing more than dishes, so if you like to be helped with the dishes, plan for eating out. Unless, of course, you don’t mind doing the dishes, or letting them sit for days on end. Do invest in plastic, throw away utensils and plates.
6. Do expect changes to just about everything. We rarely do anything the same way twice and a lot of us love to rearrange things in our homes. If you’re in a new relationship and your ADHD friend always seems to be rearranging their apartment furniture or decoration, roll with it, again, this is not a bad habit, it’s a way of life.
7. Do expect delays. When we say about 10ish…. We really mean you should probably give us a call around 9ish to remind us or nudge us along, gently, politely… think rewarding thoughts that you might like to express when you call.
8. Do expect a lot of innovation and creativity. We often come up with new and usually confusing ways of doing things; some can save money, but often cost more money in the long run. I remember purchasing a $2000.00 billiard cue (I had to save quite a while for it). I purchased it for the type of ‘hit’ it gives and performance, not for the art design, so I stripped down the butt end and painted my own design and lacquered it. Yes, that does seem odd, but again, I didn’t buy it for the art design or the mother of pearl, which I destroyed when stripping it… oops. The mother of pearl meant nothing to me, but….. Oh man!
9. Do expect (and I know this isn’t fair) for us to maneuver ourselves out of house chores and somehow leave them for you. This isn’t intentional, I swear it isn’t, it just happens. I personally do not recommend a home with a garden or front yard, it is just not a good idea, trust me on this one. Goats that eat the grass in the backyard? Now we are talking!
10. Do expect our lists of do’s to be rather outlandish, but on the other hand, totally serious! Do expect the unexpected.

So, that’s my do and don’t lists. Would you like to add some suggestions for do and don’t do? Feel free to add yours or comment about mine below.

Have fun!

I am totally serious.

~Bryan

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Click here to go watch the video!

Thanks to Brian, a member of our ADDer World ADHD Social Network for pointing out this video to me and our members! And thank you Patrick McKenna for making this video for the rest of us!

Canadian comedy legend Patrick McKenna is after the truth. “Everything you think you know about A.D.D. is wrong.” In this one hour documentary he talks to researchers, specialists and doctors about A.D.D. and A.D.H.D.. He also chats with ordinary Canadians & Americans who are directly dealing with the challenges of this common problem. Interwoven with these insights, Patrick shares his own life story and his struggle with undiagnosed and untreated A.D.H.D, and now his success taking it on Adult A.D.D..

~Bryan

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When you sign up to be notified about his book’s release you will receive a white paper about ADHD medications, here’s the outline of that paper:

• This paper is a comprehensive outline of my forthcoming book
• I want to keep you informed when The Guide becomes available – with no obligation to purchase.
• You will be better able to understand ADHD meds with this white paper the day you receive it.
• It contains multiple links to the many posts and references I have been speaking and writing about for the last 3 years at CorePsych Blog
• Including specific notes on the evolving diagnosis of ADHD
• Including multiple notes on comorbid diagnosis and ADHD
• Including specific notes and reference resources on drug-drug interactions
• Including specific durations of each stimulant medication
•  Including specific notes on the Therapeutic Window to use with your doc
• Including suggestions about how to work with your medical team

Go to this link to sign up.

I do not personally endorse or take any ADHD medication. I am posting this as a personal favor to Dr. Parker, to help get the word out. I believe this to be very important for the many lives in need and affected by this often confusing area of treatment for ADHD. Chuck demystifies the ADHD medication mystery for you and me!

~Bryan

PS: Dr. Charles Parker is a member of our ADDer World ADHD Social Network. You may leave a comment for him on his page here. Talk directly to one of the doctors on the front lines of ADHD treatment. Be sure to find out where and when he is having his next keynote address and maybe you could let your doctor know about it.

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The inquiries have come from all sorts of people from various backgrounds and, interestingly I started to realize that a great many of the inquiries were coming from people who do not have ADHD. I was a little alarmed when I realized that, but after some consideration and researching the books on the topic, concentrating, focusing are tremendous issues for a lot of people, not limited to those of us with ADHD. Ultimately, the bottom line is that the average person in today’s society is stretched way too thin. There are so many demands on any single individual at any given time, whether they are taking action at any specific moment or not, the demands are there – mentally, emotionally and physically. Such constant stress can have detrimental effects on the body.

Unfortunately, the trend of ‘borrowing’ medication from friends, neighbors and associates with ADHD shouldn’t be too much of a surprise. However, it is illegal and it is dangerous! No one should take medication that is not specifically prescribed for them, period. The risks far out way any other consideration, what’s more is that medication which works for someone with ADHD probably will not work for someone without ADHD. If you get a buzz or reaction from borrowing, odds are, it isn’t a good thing. Okay, this is a far bigger issue than this blog post.

If it is control of your concentration, focus you want, there are ways to get it, but as I state in my latest (free) eBook 8 Steps How To Super Focus At Will, there are no gimmicks and tricks that will help you achieve lasting focus! There just isn’t. Medication for the person with ADHD is usually only good for a few years, dosages usually must be raised and from time to time new medication will need to be introduced, switched etc… there is no magic pill for ADHD; however, there is medication that helps for a time, for some people longer than others. If you have ADHD, seek out a professional, medication may be an option for you. Even if medication works for you, I know the steps I have provided in my eBook are still vital for harnessing one’s potential.

Please keep in mind that my experiences with medication are limited and one should never take for granted any information about medication which is not given by a trained medical professional (usually a specialist). I do not take ADHD medication and my experience learning to control my focus is entirely without the assistance of medication.

What works for people with ADHD, concerning non-medicated self-help, also works for people without ADHD. Some believe that the way we are setting up educational structures for people with ADHD would benefit our educational system, as a whole. I tend to agree.

I would very much like to hear back from you concerning my latest eBook, both from people who do have ADHD and who do not have ADHD. You can feel free to email me, please use the word ‘focus’ in the subject line.

The steps inlcuded in 8 Steps How To Super Focus At Will are:

1. Positive Thoughts
2. Believe in Yourself
3. Feel It
4. Meditation
5. Mother Nature
6. Rituals
7. Self-Esteem
8. Take Action

These are not the usual type of steps you may have considered and that may be the issue for many of us. I know it was for me.

Enjoy!

Bryan

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Dr. Nancy Irwin is a renowned doctor of psychology and clinical hypnotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles.  She is also a public speaker on a variety of topics, including hypnosis the power of the subconscious mind.  She is also the author of a nonfiction: YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE (http://www.makeayou-turn.comyou-turn.com), and is a frequent media expert, having appeared on CNBC, Bravo, CBS, as well as scores of radio shows and mentions in The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, msnbc.com, The Rachel Maddow Show, The Huffington Post, and more.

My first question is the obvious: Does hypnosis really work for people with ADHD?

Yes, it can work for any human being who is mentally stable, sober, and wants to overcome negative symptoms.   Basically, if you can sleep or be relaxed enough to receive a massage or meditate or do yoga, you can go into hypnotic trance.

Why is hypnosis effective for people with ADHD? 

Most ADHD-ers are dying to get off the “merry-go-round” of tension and anxiety.   I’ve treated many, and ironically the more hyper someone is, the faster and easier they are to get into trance!  I usually work with ADHD-ers and ADD-ers to gain focus, set realistic goals and attain them, be calmer, and use the condition as a gift vs. a “curse.”

Is everyone with ADHD a candidate for hypnosis treatment?

Nothing works for everyone (including medications). However, hypnosis cannot hurt anyone (as long as it is performed by a qualified professional), and anyone can learn self-hypnosis.  It’d be a great adjunct with medication and healthy lifestyle choices, and other self-monitoring techniques for managing ADHD.

Why is hypnosis not as common a treatment for ADHD as Medication or behavior modification therapy?

Because there are still so many who buy into the myths and old wives’ tales about hypnosis.  Stage hypnosis is the only frame of reference many have for hypnosis, and therapeutic hypnosis is nothing like that.  We treat health issues, motivation, confidence, goal attainment, and more – - not barking like a dog or singing like Elvis. Hypnosis certainly is becoming more mainstream, fortunately, and the trend will accelerate.  It is low-cost (compared to long-term therapy) and natural.  Hypnosis is a cognitive-behavioral (behavior modification) therapy.

The medical community has long recognized hypnosis for pain control.   The American Society for Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH) is a prestigious organization comprised of health professionals (psychiatrists, dentists, physicians, RNs, psychologists) who are fully trained and incorporate hypnosis in their practices.

I have some fear of being hypnotized. Is this a common issue? And how can I resolve my fear?

It’s about as scary as being massaged or praying.  It’s simply a deeply relaxed state where you are in between being fully awake and asleep.  You are not “out of it” or in a coma.  You will hear all that the hypnotist says, for the most part.  Many feel “zoned out” or “stoned” but always in control. Many people fear that the hypnotist will bring out deep, dark secrets….it doesn’t work that way.  It’s not a “truth serum.”  (People in stage hypnosis acts want to be hams and do the silly stunts.)   The hypnotist is not “in control” of the subject’s mind.  The subject is in control.  He/she is simply allowing the hypnotist to facilitate the process of directing the subject’s thoughts, and hence behaviors, in accordance with their conscious choice.  All hypnosis technically is self-hypnosis.  I can only re-wire your subconscious mind if you let me in!  For example, if you come in my office to become a non-smoker, and leave as one, I assure you I am not controlling you.  YOU are doing that yourself.   The hypnotist has no agenda of his/her own; we align the subject’s subconscious thoughts (“Help! My anxiety is outta control!”) with their conscious desires (“I want to be calm”).

You’re also a psychologist, is it necessary to treat a person with ADHD with traditional therapy and hypnosis? Or, is hypnosis enough?

The ideal treatment plan includes both.  The subject can learn self-hypnosis to manage their symptoms.

What is the most important thing for someone with ADHD, who is seeking hypnosis, to know about it?

Choose a certified hypnotherapist, if not a psychologist or psychiatrist who is trained in hypnosis, for maximum benefit.   Choose one who has experience with ADHD, or ask your psychologist or psychiatrist for a referral to one.  Or go on the ASCH website and seek a local referral yourself.

As always, thank you so very much for your time Dr. Nancy!

Thank YOU, Bryan.  Best of Health!!!! 

Dr. Nancy

Readers, we are currently having a contest to win Dr. Nancy Irwin’s book You Turn! on our ADDer World ADHD Social Network. You can learn more about it and participate here. To read more about Dr. Nancy Irwin, please visit her website and she is also a member of our ADDer World ADHD Social Network, you can say hello to her on her page here.

~Bryan

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