“Today is a day the Lord has made and I shall rejoice and be glad in it!”

~Me, today.

Yesterday I was interviewed by Tara McGillicuddy for ADDclasses.com  and we talked about creativity. It was a very interesting conversation and I hope you have the chance to listen to it. There was something that I talked a little about in our conversation and that was about how sometimes the diagnosis of ADHD can lead one to believe all hope is lost, and even start experiencing symptoms that were previously not noticeable or problematic. I am calling this: The side effect of ADHD diagnosis. I’ve suffered a bit from it myself. Of course, I am making up ‘the side effect’ part, but am I really? Read on and make your own decision. Let me know if you have been affected by the side effect of an ADHD diagnosis.

What do you long for?

What excites you?

Have you defined what you want, need and desire…

…in someone to love, hold and live with forevermore?

What is your innermost desire in another person – specific characteristics which stand above all others – do you know what they are? It’s important; believe me, it’s very, very important.

You will never know what you are looking for until you define it. You will never find what you are looking for until you give it a description. They say that if you don’t stand for something that you will fall for anything. It’s the same with finding a true to your heart friend and lover. If you don’t know, you may seek out nearly anyone with a nice smile, pleasant demeanor and perhaps a little flash that shows seemingly genuine interest. And, you will be had! What’s so wrong with that?

You know how often I wish I never had a problem? Daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute. I pride myself on being a problem solver. I am very, very good at it – sometimes too good at it. I have been solving problems all of my life, to the point that I became so tuned for problems that I try to predict them… and you probably know what that means. I believe this is a habit created by having ADHD, especially when it was undiagnosed, I created most of my own problems, but I didn’t know why. 

Fear is the worst. I loathe being fearful and yet all too often I feel on edge for no good reason. When I was a kid I mostly feared getting in trouble and being punished physically for it. That was a constant state of existence for me. That’s where it started and yet it is extremely hard to leave behind.

I am standing at the edge of a cliff; my toes are curling the edge, as I prepare to jump.  Before me is an open sky, beautiful and clear and, as I look down, I cannot see the bottom, just more glorious sky – this place seems it could be the edge of the world, maybe it is. I am calm, open, even smiling quite delightfully. I feel liberated. I should be terrified, I should be trembling and yet, I am not fearful, not at all.

I step off, with my arms open wide as if I can fly and in an instant I can feel the air rushing against me, pressing against me, yet gently, almost hugging me, like a lover’s sweet embrace. I am flying.

Don’t wait until you aren’t scared. You’ll be dead. Most of us are scared all the time! Change does not require fearlessness, but it does require courage. Courage is not being fearless – it’s doing what is right in the face of fear. Without fear, there’d be no courage.

Dr. Nancy Irwin from her book, You Turn

Dr. Irwin doesn’t waste any time in her book You Turn to let you know getting to where you want to go is already within you. The problem is that most of us are too darn scared to move, change and take advantage of opportunities that come our way. The thing is, as she explains in the quote above, many of us are fighting our fears and hoping, praying that a day will come when we are not so darned scared anymore. That day may never come, because, fear is what it is and is a part of human nature.

Perhaps there was a time when certain fears protected us and even, yes, seemingly comforted us. We may never have realized the comfort of a certain fear and yet it is there because we are even more fearful of letting it go. Our fear can become our proverbial blanket of safety.

When I was a kid growing up with undiagnosed ADD (ADHD inattentive) I had many fears that became like close, protective friends. These fears helped me stay alert for signs of trouble and by staying alert for signs of trouble I was better able to accomplish assignments, stay out of fights and make sure I was early for important things, such as, dinner. When punished, chastised, ridiculed and in general trouble often enough, we develop, quite naturally, survival skills which may (and usually do) involve FEAR. It is helpful at first, apparently life saving at times; however, the reality of such continuous apprehension is not life saving and can become inhibiting, create stress and lead to depression.