But is it helpful? Does negativity help someone gain friends? Is it a likable characteristic or make a person enjoyable to be around? Does it help one find a job or retain a job and become someone who is respected and admired? .
I believe that our attitude is within our control and can be modified. .
(Disclaimer: what follows is only my opinion, read it at your own risk. Take it or leave it as any reader sees fit. I have the greatest respect for those suffering from co-morbid conditions such as ODD or Bipolar and this post does not encompass co-morbid conditions.).
It’s wonderful to have friends, especially those who encourage us to be the best that we can be. However, it’s also important to remember that we tend to emulate the people we are around the most. If we’ve fallen into a pessimistic, negative or downbeat group, then perhaps we need to adjust our friendships, especially if we want to move on to happier horizons.
Friendships are incredibly important. Therefore:
Choose friends wisely.
If you truly want to be happy, my experience is to choose friends that encourage and support you, have an optimistic nature and like you for who you are and who you are becoming. Consider the direction you are going and the direction you want to go, and then hang around and befriend people that are as you would like to become. As they say, if you want to be happy, surround yourself with happy people, because they will rub off on you!
In the last few years I have read thousands of emails from readers all over the world. Many love what I have written and thank me for going out on a ‘limb’ to share my life experiences. You, the readers are my driving source for writing, sharing and you inspire me to keep on keeping on, to continue sharing – it’s a very positive, uplifting and learning experience each time I read a letter or email from someone that has been touched by my writing. And what’s just as special is our ADDer World Social Network is nearing 2000 members! Originally, I had foreseen a couple dozen members of blog readers where we could get together and communicate a bit easier. Seems I am not the only one interested in finding a positive outlook, no, not by far and that’s awesome! Together we are never alone, no, never alone and finding ways to move forward positively, constructively and manipulate our experiences to our wants, needs and desires, ever hopeful and encouraging each other. That, my friends, is what it is all about. Ecouraging each other, motivating each other and, giving each other hope in the midst of the fog. There’s enough discouragement in the world already.
With that said, from time to time I receive a frustrated email, comment or letter. Some are quite angry, in fact. These types of emails seem to have one connecting factor: Positivity. Many of the writers are simply frustrated that thinking positive doesn’t work for them and yet, there are others, who are simply angry that anything positive is being connected to ADHD in any way whatsoever. Some of the latter emails try their most to get me to change my perspective and see how doomed we are because we have ADHD and that life with it will always be chaos and ruin. Uh… no. And then there are other emails I get where I pay a little less attention to because there seems to be some kind of ulterior, hostile motive that I don’t fully understand. Tip to any would be writers in this category. Insulting emails are never successful and I am not available for debate, but you can debate with yourself all you like or someone else.
The key to making people like you is to be open, honest and forthcoming. Improve one’s self, be nice, caring and forgiving.
Seems like solid advice and to a degree I am sure it is correct, it is the code I live by, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like us. No, no matter how lovable and adorable, or perhaps cool we may be. Actually, statistics indicate that some people are in fact predisposed to not like us and if we spend our time trying to make them like us, we may be wasting a lot of our time. As ADDers, we tend to waste too much time already.
On the radio yesterday, I listened to someone give these statistics:
25% of people are predisposed to like you
25% of people lean towards liking you and could be convinced to like you
Yeah, I wrote that title. Yeah, I said it! What are you going to do about it? I will tell you what you might do about it. I said might, because, it is up to you and this exercise is about choice. Exercise? …
“I thought that having a medicine and reading and learning would mean there was a cure and if I followed the yellow brick road I’d arrive where everyone else in the world already is, the city called “Normal”. I thought it meant I’d be “normal”, like everyone else and that I’d fit right in and be considered a citizen and at long last I would belong.”
Finding friends, good friends and keeping friends can be a challenge for just about anyone and for Adders this challenge can be overwhelming and baffling—oftentimes depressing and demoralizing! I speak from an immense amount of experience growing up with undiagnosed ADD. In my first 20 or so years of life I had maybe 4 total friends and only two of those friends could be called ‘close friends’, or ‘real’ friends. I wanted friends, I enjoyed being around others, but I would always say or do something that would turn people off towards me and I just didn’t know what it was. I have learned some of the answers and there was one I could identify with above the rest.
"One Boy’s Struggle is a real eye-opener. It should be read by all parents struggling to understand how best to support their ADHD children. Adults with ADHD will likely find validation and new hope from reading Bryan’s story.” ~Dr. Edward Hallowell
CHADD Educator of the Year for 2010, Dr. Katherine Nell Mcneil, "Highly recommends" One Boy’s Struggle
“A very brave and moving memoir.” Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Katherine Ellison, author of 'Buzz'.
"Gripping account of both the struggles and positive polarities of ADD written beautifully in a honest, open and courageous manner." David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
"Anyone with ADD or with friends, loved ones or colleagues with ADD will be informed and touched by Bryan’s book." Bryan Robinson Ph.D. author of 'The Art of Confident Living'
Thank you!
I just want to add a special thank you to all those who have read ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’. Thanks to you it has become one of the top selling books for my publisher, this means that it is reaching people all over the world.
It is an honor to have written a book that is meaning so much and benefiting so many. It is my hope that one day ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’ will be read by every teacher and parent, as well as read by every adult with ADHD. If you own a copy and have read it, please consider passing it on, loan it out to friends, a support group or donating it to your local library.
All material provided within this website is opinion only, and is not to be construed as medical advice, instruction or direction of any kind. No action should be taken solely on the contents of this website. Visit a health care professional before making any decisions about your health.
