This is the continuation of yesterday’s article, if you haven’t read it, please do. It is the article right below this one…
She liked me a lot. She wanted a relationship. She wanted to be my girlfriend and she wanted me to be her boyfriend and I never picked up on that. Partly it is because I had low self-esteem and could not believe she would want me and the other part is because I did not recognize the signs. Sure, I have written them out here and it may seem obvious, but I am writing from hindsight and I didn’t have that benefit back then. Now, with 18 or so years, it’s all so clear.
1) I did not recognize she liked me for more than a friend, a chum.
2) I never attempted to hold her hand or kiss her.
3) I missed the cues, all the cues which could have created a true relationship.
She stopped seeing me. I never really understood why until years later when I met her again and she asked me what it was that I did not like about her. She wanted to know why I had rejected her. When she asked me those questions I was stunned, my heart fell and plainly I simply asked myself what the heck was she talking about? I mean—she is the one who stopped seeing me!
She explained that she stopped seeing me because I did not react to her suggestions, her approaches. She said I acted like I didn’t know that she wanted more and because of that she thought I was rejecting her. At 18 or 19 years old I guess this could be chalked up to naiveté, but this has happened in more relationships when I just didn’t pick up on signs or especially warning signs – and believe me, we really need to pick up on warning signs! I miss ‘em all the time. Know what I mean?
With the diagnosis of ADD I have come to realize what I do and why I do it, much better than in the past. I was always so very confused as to why I didn’t get it. This has a lot to do with why Doctors, Therapists and even fellow Adder’s say that the best medicine is the diagnosis and learning as much as we can about ADD ADHD. With understanding we can make changes, we know that we have to pay attention to some things that we were not aware of before. Therefore, awareness is paramount!
Have you gone through similar situations? What have you done to improve this type of situation from happening, or rather, preventive work a rounds?
With my relationship with my wife, she knows to be very clear with me concerning her communication. The benefit to us is that we are older and not worried about coming right out and saying what we mean. We love each other and know that missing cues isn’t worth it. It might be a leap, but telling others that ADD ADHD does cause us to miss-understand certain things can help, especially if the other person is understanding, by knowing this information this gives the other person an advantage and benefit with approaching and talking to you. I think it is worth it. It is, however, a vulnerability leap, so it is important to be comfortable with this type of approach first.
On the other side of the coin, this incident could be looked at in a very positive light and can be construed as ‘fate’. I mean, common, I married the most wonderful and perfect woman for me and if it weren’t for my Adder traits I might not have ever met her! Let’s be real, because this is the absolute beautiful truth of the matter!
~Bryan
