The complete story to this article is within the pages of my
I write about relationships quite a bit, I like to write about them and I hope what I have written has meant something for those who read my articles.
The ADD ADHD mind is very complex and not everyone is the same, we can relate on a lot of levels and in a lot of situations and I believe when it comes to relationships we relate quite well with each other too.
Have you ever had that relationship that stays in your mind, fresh and alive, it never goes away and sometimes that past relationship provides a smile when you need it most and other times it brings sadness and ultimately it keeps one from potential new relationships or it complicates new relationships? I have had that relationship, so powerful and real. It was my first relationship and as the saying goes and holds true “Your first love is never forgotten”. I write about this in my memoir, but I want to write about it here too. It was that special and relates well to the articles I have already posted.
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I was a young teenager, lost in his thoughts and I kept to myself for the most part when an interesting young man moved into our neighborhood, he was my age and enjoyed a lot of the foolishness I enjoyed. We synced together right away. We climbed trees together, very high up, too high and we explored the forest behind our homes—we’d go out there for hours and hours, making up stories and just enjoying our time of freedom together. We synced so well that we actually fought each other at times, but we usually forgot about our fights shortly afterward as if they never happened. But then I met his sister, his glorious, beautiful sister. It was love at first site, I was struck, the world stopped. I thought she was an angel and to me she was an angel.
We ADDers sometimes can have a difficult time maintaining more than one relationship and I did something I have somewhat always regretted, I gave up my friendship with my new friend for the friendship of his sister. She and I synced together right away too and more importantly she was my first real female friend. It took a while, a lot of pursuit and she became my first girlfriend. While perusing her I stopped paying attention to my friend and my mind was going in one direction only, her direction.
My first love and I stayed together for nearly a year, being inexperienced and naïve I made a lot of mistakes, mistakes I have tortured myself over for years and years. When she finally moved away it was very painful and I had never kissed her or even held her hand. She touched me in a way I had never been touched before or ever again. I guess that’s what the first love is all about. It’s a relationship that doesn’t get a do over or a repeat. It comes and it is amazing, but when it goes, it is so painful. For people like me with ADHD memories can take on lives of their own and stay with us, on the surface of our mind, for a very long time. Our relationship stayed on the surface of my thoughts for 17 years and to this day, from time to time, I still think about those days long ago. That’s a part of my childhood I will always treasure.
The problem for me was that the memory was so strong I let it control decisions I made in future relationships. I was always looking for the same relationship, the same look, the same feeling; I wanted something I couldn’t have…
I am married today to a wonderful woman who is everything to me and all I could have ever wanted. And yet, to move on there was something which had to be done, even though I didn’t realize what it was. Never in my imagination did I ever consider that I would one day be in contact with my first love again, especially not after 17 years… that part of the story is written in my memoir. I warned you 🙂
~Bryan
