Adult ADHD can be sexy for many reasons, the list is literally endless, and yet the majority of those reasons are not for good behavior. Being generally bad can be sexy too and if there’s one word that is synonymous with ADHD, whether it is spoken or unspoken that word would be: Bad.
Bad Manners, Bad Behavior, Bad Morals and Bad Person and on and on…
Bad, Selfish, Narcissistic, Ill-mannered, lazy, unmotivated, and Stupid, Idiotic, Procrastinator and the ever popular Crazy are just a few of the names which have become staples in the depository of names for those of us with ADHD. In Adult ADHD can be Sexy I address a few of them and yet it is impossible to address all of them, not to mention exhausting too. In the end, they all mean the same thing.
And, guess what…
Everyone has a touch of ADHD in them.
Who hasn’t been forgetful from time to time, or late for an appointment? Who hasn’t goofed up in class or failed to meet every expectation or standard? Who hasn’t broken a rule or two? Who hasn’t locked their keys in their car? I am sure there are people who haven’t done one or two of these things yet…, but that doesn’t mean they are not capable of such things, of making mistakes. As separate incidents that happen from time to time, but are not part of one’s normal day to day life, those things I mentioned are no big deal and can be laughed off or forgotten rather quickly. That isn’t necessarily so for someone with full blown ADHD, because these things happen over and over again. It’s the continual repetition of common mistakes, errors in judgment, forgetfulness, restlessness in mind or body, or both, and the unnerving inability to hold to or obey set rules and standards – it’s most of these things, but not limited to, which make up ADHD. And contrary to popular myth, it’s not naturally controllable without intervention and it’s most certainly not on purpose behavior. If those things were true, then there wouldn’t be ADHD.
The behaviors of ADHD are often called unacceptable, offensive and shameful. We are told this time and time again. We must correct our behavior, seek help and receive treatment. We are told this too over and over again. And indeed, I sincerely believe life with proper treatment for ADHD is better, but you know, it does get a bit tiresome to constantly read about and hear about what we need to do in order to be better, to help enhance our lives and, in effect, the lives of those around us. Every now and then it would be nice if someone just looked at me (or perhaps you or the one you love) and said, you know what, I like you just the way you are and you don’t have to change a bit for me! Wouldn’t that be nice?
And yet, Adult ADHD can be Sexy!?
However, why not take it even further…
Are ADDers the new Vampires?
You know, the sexy kind of biting lovers!
I read about vampires as today’s latest fashionable romantic fantasy for movies and books. Vampires are seductive, deadly, romantic, charismatic, dangerous, and the ultimate rebels. Are ADDers the new Vampires? Vampires are now sexy, sexier than just about anything! Ah, what a world we live in. Who wants to be compared to blood suckers and soulless creatures? Is this an apt comparison? You be the judge. Personally, I don’t like it, but it does have its allure… The Vampire is today’s Le Roi! And who knows, perhaps today’s Vampire romance stories are really about people with ADHD and those who fall in love with us? Ah, the mystery, the romance, the shiny shine, shine, shine of our natural tendencies, which are not only charming, but unpredictable and can be dangerous, which seems to be all the rage today. Ah, but let’s not forget that in each Vampire story they are also the villain, in constant danger of being found out, they are perpetually hunted for being what they are… ah the shame, the disgrace, the remorse and the sorrow to be forsaken!
Maybe all we really want is love? The elusive, tender and non-judgmental kind of love…
Love is an incredibly amazing and a very powerful phenomenon. In one way or another, everyone is a seeker of love, romance and companionship. Without it, we may feel lonely, lost and eventually forsaken. With the power of love, it matters not how strong or smart we may be. For many of us with ADHD love is a confusing, complex and eternally frustrating, an ever out of reach dream-scape. It’s a fantasy which doesn’t seem to exist and is made up by some odd storyteller that wants us to suffer in shame and remorse, constantly, forevermore. It’s dreadful, until one actually, finally, finds it within their life, or within their grasp, but the inner belief that it is just a fantasy, illusions of grandeur leads us to underestimate it and squander it.
I have put my new book Adult ADHD can be Sexy together because love matters and it matters far more than many of us ever want to admit, not simply to others, but rather, to ourselves. With our eyes always on the horizon we fail time and time again to grasp what is at hand, to see, to feel and to enjoy what could be right there in front of us. We habitually squander love by trying to be what we are not, or by trying to meet the expectations others have of us to be what we are not, to be different. And, maybe it’s something else. People come together for certain reasons and it’s important to discover, admit, accept and appreciate whatever those reasons may be. I sincerely believe when two people value the true reasons they are together, their united relationship philosophy, nothing can stop them, nothing can come between them and they too will discover the good each has to offer the other, or maybe not… oh, and let’s not forget intimacy and letting go…
I am going to take you to places in my new book you may have never gone before…
~Bryan
