Adults with ADHD are at times alluring in mysterious, charming and edgy ways. Not on purpose, mind you and most of us don’t even realize it. It’s a matter of considering our symptoms and realizing that most people are attracted to interesting personalities, those that are characteristically unusual, even if dangerous and especially if mysterious. Generally speaking, people are attracted to others who have some mystery surrounding them and who leave them wanting to learn more and could potentially take them to the edge. Adults with ADHD have that something extra, that ability to charm and take those attracted to them to another level of experience. It’s a sexiness that’s compelling because it’s a bit edgy, or maybe, in this day and age, more than ever, especially because it’s a bit edgy.
I tend to agree with Joan, my wife, when she tells me that she thinks I was attracted to her because she’s what I am not. She is organized, on time and generally in control of all the things she juggles on a daily basis. She’s my rock. And she was attracted to me because I am always on the edge in one way or another. She found me to be sexy that way. I can and have told her that is absurd and irrational, but be that as it may, that doesn’t change the fact she was attracted to me for her own reasons. Just because we don’t agree with another’s impression of us, that doesn’t mean they do not have those impressions.
We may believe that we come across as lazy, unmotivated, inconsiderate and in a sense rebellious. We’ve probably even been told these things more than once or twice. Not everyone sees things this way and even if they do, they may still think we are sexy. It doesn’t have to make sense and it doesn’t have to be rational. When it comes to what is attractive in a physical and sexual way, being rational doesn’t usually win over emotions and feelings. And who believes love has anything to do with being rational?
As people with ADHD we can be addictive, attractive, seductive and sensitive, emotional and passionate. Like I’ve said, adults with ADHD can be very sexy, indeed. It’s in our very symptoms and traits; examine your own closely and see how they fit or how they can be perceived as sexy by someone else.
I understand that most of us do not see ourselves as sexy and we find more fault with ourselves than most others could ever hope to realize, but that doesn’t mean our inexplicable behavior isn’t sexy to others. It’s just that most of us with ADHD do not even realize how others may perceive us, especially those who are attracted to us. If you’ve been punished for your behaviors throughout your life, called lazy, dumb or worthless, you may actually believe those things. It’s not your fault. Knowing your ADHD behaviors, you’re probably convinced that what others have said is right. I did believe the negative and condescending remarks, and likewise held myself in the lowest esteem possible. I’ve come quite a long way since then and now see things from more positive perspective, you may see things differently too.
“ADHD can be Sexy” is my way of saying we aren’t so bad after all, we have qualities and traits which are attractive and at times even charming. I used to think if I beat myself up enough I could get myself to change, to be better, and to live as others believed I should! I assumed everything was my fault and I was somehow making the choice to be the way I was. After all, nobody does anything without choosing to do it – right? I hated myself and couldn’t punish myself enough to change. I was determined to be better; to be what others thought I should be… it wasn’t a very sexy experience. I didn’t feel sexy or in any way attractive and rejected any notion that I had any positive qualities to the point that I would reject any approaches without even realizing it. I tend to think when we believe things in a negative cast, we subconsciously reject anything that challenges our view, because, with our history, it’s just a matter of time before the other shoe drops.
Discovering that I have ADHD helped me reframe my beliefs and realize that although the way I was unfairly treated wasn’t my fault, no one is to blame. I was taught to believe that I was lazy, dumb and worthless. Despite this, somewhere deep within me, I always had a sincere desire to be better than I was. Desire isn’t enough. I know that now. Still, my diagnosis of ADHD was liberating, but there was still much to learn and I am still learning.
I am sexy! Maybe you are too? Besides yourself, who’s to say you are not? When I say I am sexy, I am saying that I have value for myself. That I can achieve things in my way and although I may think differently, and I may be wired differently doesn’t mean I am less than anyone else. Who wants to be ordinary anyway? Being ordinary is average and being average isn’t sexy. We may even try to be average to blend in with societal expectations and get along. Living a life less ordinary in your own way, is very sexy. Adults with ADHD are capable of the extraordinary if they choose; each is a potential kaleidoscope of interesting and sexy characteristics awaiting discovery.
~Bryan
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