Have you ever had relationships, so strong, so powerful, and ever so meaningful, that after that special person, or people, left, parts of yourself left too?
There are times when you can still feel them nearby, as if they are right there – you can almost touch them, but only, only, almost – fleetingly, across the sky, like a shooting star or a floating cloud.
When we are alone, unexpectedly, we may start thinking about them for no reason at all and, we miss them so deeply, so much it hurts ever so painfully, it brings tears to our eyes and we wonder why – ?
Just this topic alone, it brings up their memories so vividly.
Sometimes it can be such happy moments, the sun shining, laughing, playing, running the streets and goofing off, a tender first kiss or a special word of support and, in another moment the memory can switch to something oh so sad, like something said that wasn’t meant to be said, the haste of a moment that came and went in the blink of an eye, but lasts torturously forever more.
There are extraordinarily special people that come along once in a while, they become a part of our lives and then, for whatever reason they move on, some have moved away and some fade away as time passes, and some, some have passed away, but still, a part of them remains within us, always there, always reminding us of who they were and what they meant to us.
I believe that when we have a special connection with someone, we take on certain characteristics and mannerisms, even emotions and feelings, which only exist in whole when with that person.
When that person leaves, so too does a part of who we are.
I have come to believe.
If the person has passed away, that part of us is perhaps gone forever, never to rise again and only in bursts of profound memories can we grasp at it, like grasping at a distant cloud in the sky, unattainable, unreachable, but off in the distance of our memory, it is there, even if just fleetingly. It is in that moment it hits us, our eyes burn for a moment, our muscles weaken and we just miss them ever, ever so much. We feel them with that long lost part of us that somehow left us too, but for a moment we remember.
Have you ever felt that?
Sometimes we forget certain things, especially in short time frames, but many of us are also astonishingly sensitive and, with certain special people, who make us feel deeply, their memories, the things we said to each other, the things we experienced together, those memories never, never, ever die. Sometimes such memories are so vivid and somehow, unusually fantastical and remarkable.
Even though, most of our other memories are like shadows, never fully in view.
Sometimes, memories seem to be gone, but in those ever so special, remarkable moments of what seems like brilliance, triggered by something obvious or unknown, we remember everything, we feel everything and the impact is extraordinarily profound and we realize, so sharply, so suddenly, how much we miss them – how much we miss a part of ourselves.
It’s not fair. The reality, yet it is wondrous, but it hurts so much and yet, I can’t help in these moments to smile a little bit, to have at least had those moments in reality, that I do have them to remember, because they existed in time, in my life, with that person, that special kindred spirit.
Treasure the moments we have with the special people we have now, for one knows not what the future will bring and let us not cry in regret, but rather in joy of what was in the good times and thankful we do have moments of luminous clarity, even if so tender and fleeting.
~Bryan
