Do you sit alone in the dark wondering and dreaming?
What are you striving for?
For what do you aspire?
Who are you anyway?
Have you considered, deeply and thoughtfully, your mistakes and misfortunes?
Have you thought about how you can change?
Have you listened to the silence around you? What does it tell you?
Take a moment to take measure, to take in how much you have strived and tried and the effort you have put forth to please and be everything you could possibly be. How much have you given? Oh, how much must you give? Everyday, you set forth to sail the seas of aspirations and yet try to ignore them for the simple fear of failure, because you will fail, you will never measure up.
Will you indeed?
It is not the accomplishments which are celebrated, but rather it is the failures that haunt and remind us of who we think we are.
Let go of any thoughts of who you should be for only a moment. Take in who you are, who you have always been, deep within. That person you have hidden from the world, the judgment and the modifications set upon you, put upon you because you always thought you could never be good enough. Perhaps you were told that you need help – who you have been born as is dysfunctional, disordered and unacceptable.
Who says you’re not good enough? Who demands that you be more than you are? Who says you have not measured up to their illustrious standards of life?
The measure we put upon ourselves is far stricter, crueler and higher than anyone could ever dream of setting upon us. We take in all the criticism, the complaints and the needs and we compound them to a level that is immeasurable, so lofty no one could ever hope to reach. And we strive then for something unattainable by any worldly person. And then in the dark, once again, in the silence, the tears come, knowing we can never reach for that which we know not, we understand not.
What do you reach for? What is it anyway?
Do you know?
Take a moment to put aside who you think you should be. Take a moment to forget all the demands put upon you. Take a moment to truly think of you. Be selfish for a moment, deliciously selfish and moisten those lips which have become so chapped and allow the pure selfishness to quench your thirst and fill you with vital energy once again or for the first time.
Do you want to write a book? Perhaps make a beautiful painting? Perhaps you just want to take a walk in the park on a beautiful day, or play in the woods exploring? Perhaps you would like to write a letter to a dear friend?
When we are so fixated on being more than what we are, on striving for some unseen, unknown goal, when we get caught up in all that we have come to think we should be, we can become lost to who we really are, to our original dreams, to our original aspirations. They are not lost, you are not lost, just take a moment for yourself, be fully and completely selfish, even if it is just for a moment, so that perhaps you will remember and bask in the joy of all that you ever wanted or needed.
Do you remember?
~Bryan
