But is it helpful? Does negativity help someone gain friends? Is it a likable characteristic or make a person enjoyable to be around? Does it help one find a job or retain a job and become someone who is respected and admired?
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I believe that our attitude is within our control and can be modified.
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(Disclaimer: what follows is only my opinion, read it at your own risk. Take it or leave it as any reader sees fit. I have the greatest respect for those suffering from co-morbid conditions such as ODD or Bipolar and this post does not encompass co-morbid conditions.).
There are many justifications for someone with ADHD to have a negative attitude: Considering repeated mistakes, mental, impulsive blunders, speaking one’s mind when one shouldn’t and oh, I almost forgot: forgetfulness. And much, much more depending on how much ADHD affects someone.
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Not everyone falls into the negativity trap, but too many do and yet few really consider that this most likely is a choice they’ve made somewhere along the way. That choice has been reinforced over and over again. When we justify something, anything, it becomes necessary to continue to justify it and by doing so anything that challenges it will not be fully considered, much less accepted and if somehow another view is considered the justifications for one’s attitude will pop up and take over.
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One’s attitude and direction cannot change until the justifications are viewed for what they are. Otherwise negativity’s power will reign forever and any time something starts to improve it becomes necessary to stop, drop and roll and insure the improvements and any advancement do not continue. After all how can we complain if our complaints are no longer valid or justified? That just won’t work. Instead a negative mindset absolutely must reinforce the negative persuasion over and over again. It’s pretty obvious to any observer and yet the person trapped can hardly see it and when faced with it may even admit it but will do very little to change it (or believes he or she can’t change it). Negativity is the ultimate puppet master. I know and cutting the strings is easier said than done. I needed help to cut them!
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A negative mental attitude and seeing things through lenses of disgust, dejection, anger and regret are fairly common and I think rather normal for people with ADHD. It’s all justified. We are justified in feeling all the things we do, as negative as they sometimes may be. However, if we want a better life, want to be happy and want to have good friends and stop to smell the roses then we may need to make an admission. And it is about personal choice. Negativity is a choice.
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And keep in mind that negativity is about rejection and who knows more about rejection than people with disorders, especially “mental” disorders?! Considering that negativity is about rejection, we can start to see all the things we reject when we are in the trap of negativity and we ourselves eventually may become rejections in the mirror.
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When we think about it, a negative attitude is probably the worst epidemic of the modern world and in my humble opinion way outpaces ADHD as a problem for social engagements, relationships and holding down a job or keeping friends. I believe people in general are far more forgiving of ADHD than a negative attitude. However, ADHD plus a negative attitude spells the ultimate disaster. ADHD can be treated and we have many ways to seek improvement, but if we are enveloped in a negative attitude and mindset, then those possibilities are very unlikely to produce any positive results for long.
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Indeed, a negative attitude is more often than not considered a personal choice regardless of one’s reasons and justifications. People just don’t care about the motivations and few, except those who live in the same perpetual negativity, excuse them. But even those who live in the same void don’t necessarily want to be around their peers too much. Do you want to be around someone who turns a clear, beautiful blue sky into a cloudy, miserable chilly day just by their attitude, regardless if they have ADHD or not?
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A negative mental attitude is like a bad hangover that just doesn’t seem to go away. When was the last time you wanted to hang out with someone who always has a mental hangover?
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I’d rather be with someone who forgets to be on time than someone who is on time and makes me regret being around them because of their negative attitude. If you are positive and enthusiastic I won’t mind if you’re late to meet for lunch and I won’t mind if you interrupt me from time to time either. I’ll listen to your problems if you’re willing to consider solutions. I’ll give you a shoulder to cry on when things just don’t work out. Being sad, hurt or depressed isn’t about having a negative attitude and it happens to the best of us or it wouldn’t happen to you! I’ll even help you find your car keys when you misplace them, and perhaps you’ll help me find mine (I’m already looking!), but if you become overly angry and hateful, that’s when I’ll have to draw the line.
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A negative attitude is in of itself a repellent. It may be justified, but no one really, truly wants to be around it for very long, or longer than they absolutely have to. That’s just the way it is and yet some refuse to see this reality and still blame ADHD for issues their attitude is creating. ADHD creates enough already, which may seriously lend to one’s attitude as a result, but it doesn’t have to take control.
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People with ADHD, we are used to being blamed for our ADHD symptoms as if they are personal or moral choices, or just bad habits and we know that’s not true. However, at the same time this does not mean there are not things within our control. We are not kites in the sky just flapping about all the time. Yes, I am saying we do have certain responsibilities and control within our grasp. Yes, we might need help and we might need to make some hard decisions and admissions, but ADHD is not a get away with a negative attitude free card.
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In truth people with ADHD do not own negativity. It’s wide spread and is quite common and each person has their own reasons and justifications. I have met plenty of people, and I am sure you have, too, who speak to the ADHD population about our symptoms all the while using derogatory terms to describe us and are rather condescending about it. We have to be vigilant and keep our eyes and ears open for the pot calling the kettle black. Just because someone doesn’t have ADHD doesn’t mean they are not susceptible to negativity or of having a negative mental attitude.
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So the question is: Are the justifications worth it? Having the right and being justified, doesn’t always make it right and especially not helpful. Does it?
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The good news is that (again, excluding co-morbid conditions) attitude is adjustable and improvable. It’s a matter of choice! Having lived with clinical depression and PTSD (which was far more complicated than ADHD alone, but partially brought on by undiagnosed ADHD symptoms) I know firsthand how problematic and frustrating it is. I have a lot of sympathy and empathy for the depressed and suffering. Depression is serious business and there’s nothing wrong with getting help.
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Sometimes we also may need to move on from people who facilitate our negativity. We all know the people that support our attitude whether it is positive or negative so it becomes another choice of being around them and allowing them to continue their influence or not. These are hard choices, but necessary and even with ADHD I believe we have the power to make those choices.
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And yes, I believe if we justify our attitude, either positively or negatively then we are internally, subconsciously telling ourselves it is okay. Life will naturally follow suit.
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Here’s an example of the power of thought and looking for what one really, truly wants. I recently discovered I need reading glasses. I have been through our local city a million times and never before really noticed any optical shops, but yesterday when I went into the city to buy glasses I suddenly found not 1 or 2 shops, but easily a dozen. They seemed to be everywhere and I found a nice basic pair in the very first shop I went to. When I started looking for glasses they were practically everywhere, but before I started looking for them I hardly noticed any of the optical stores.
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It is the same thing when I first started seeing things more positively, after years of therapy (overcoming my internal justifications from living with undiagnosed ADHD). I started seeing the good things around me and the good influences that could benefit my new found attitude, but I also became more aware of the negative influences that I needed to distance myself from, too.
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Tips for Consideration:
- Becoming aware of one’s attitude is the first step.
- Wanting to change.
- Seeking help may be needed.
- Identifying and removing or limiting time with those who support a negative mental attitude or those who manipulate it. Replace them with those who support a more constructive and optimistic attitude.
- Replace justifications for a Negative Mental Attitude with justifications for a Positive Mental Attitude or an Optimistic Mental Attitude.
- Choose to be happy, even if you have ADHD!
Sometimes it is good to go looking for a pair of glasses; the type that when we look through the lenses we see solutions, possibilities and the positive, happy things life has to offer. We deserve to be happy, too – even if we have ADHD!
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Life’s just too short already. Let’s make it better, because I truly believe each of us has the power to make positive changes in our attitude, if we so choose!
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