You know how often I wish I never had a problem? Daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute. I pride myself on being a problem solver. I am very, very good at it – sometimes too good at it. I have been solving problems all of my life, to the point that I became so tuned for problems that I try to predict them… and you probably know what that means. I believe this is a habit created by having ADHD, especially when it was undiagnosed, I created most of my own problems, but I didn’t know why.
Fear is the worst. I loathe being fearful and yet all too often I feel on edge for no good reason. When I was a kid I mostly feared getting in trouble and being punished physically for it. That was a constant state of existence for me. That’s where it started and yet it is extremely hard to leave behind.
Problems aren’t all bad because when I work to solve them I usually learn something valuable. It never seems to fail. But fear, fear just creeps in and I usually can’t figure out why I am fearful, why I feel on edge and what the heck is wrong.
That’s the difference between a ‘problem’ and ‘fear’ for me. With a problem I can usually identify the cause and work to correct it. But, with fear, I don’t always know the ‘why’ of it and I get caught up in it and the terrible, terrifying dilemma for me is that I am not always sure what the solution is. Therefore, I work extra hard to never have a problem, but the problem with that is that it is impossible to never have a problem and knowing I can’t circumvent all of them causes me the most fear. What’s next, what’s next, what’s next!
So you know what I discovered? By trying to anticipate every problem by considering every scenario is what is actually causing me the most fear.
Kind of ironic… huh?
Bryan
PS: Gina Pera has an important post where she takes a certain talk show host to task for suggesting through insinuation that paddling children is the solution to ADHD, because it worked in decades past. Anyone who has read my first book knows what I think about this suggestion. It’s not only ridiculous and insulting, but, it is extremely dangerous. Paddling in itself is bad enough, but when it is used for treatment on a kid, especially with ADHD, the results can be detrimental – low self-esteem, mental stability, anxiety, PTSD all come into play, plus much more. I have said this before and will say this again, we are causing our own worst problems in homes and society as a whole, when we take the route of physical punishment as the answer to difficult or challenging children with ADHD. Perhaps the talk show host will read my book and realize what the reality is for a child with ADHD and such punishment as he suggested. Sadly, I highly doubt that he cares.
Yes, paddling a child will create stimulation through adrenalin rushes, as I understand it (and have felt it), and this will help the child correct behavior for a very limited time and worst still, in order to be effective, it must be repeated over and over again… is that really a viable solution to ADHD? No, I know it is not. As I explained, this is where my fears in life began, in as much as I can remember.
Back in the day, parents weren’t fully aware of ADHD and the destructive consequences of physically punishing children. However, that isn’t the case anymore. There’s no excuse for it.
