Motivational and inspirational writer, Bryan Hutchinson is the author of several books about life with ADHD including the highly acclaimed, best selling "One Boy′s Struggle: A Memoir" and the author of the hilarious eBook that went viral "10 Things I Hate about ADHD"

Gossip Boys

 

Adriana was a very beautiful girl, so beautiful that she took my breath away from the very first moment I saw her. She was a very nice girl too and quite smart, she probably still is, but I haven’t seen or heard from her in over 2 decades.

I was sitting at the back of the school bus, with a few friends, as we returned home. Adriana was a few rows up from me, facing my way. I wanted to meet her. She was the new kid in town and I thought nobody knew her yet. She seemed pleasant enough and always had such a nice, even comforting, smile on her face.

She looked at me, she smiled and she turned her head down shyly.

What did that mean?

As we drove home I found myself continually looking in her direction and I just know I caught her looking at me too. I was talking to my friends when one of them asked if I knew the new girl. I said I didn’t yet, but would like to. He went on to say I wouldn’t and then he told me some disturbing things about her and after a while all my friends started agreeing with him. My friends seemed to know her well and what they knew, it wasn’t good stuff. This clearly wasn’t the girl I wanted to be around, much less take home to meet mom.

Very disturbing stuff kids share on the back of the bus. I won’t bore you with the gossipy details. Yes, boys do it too and when it comes to girls out of their league, young jealous boys can be the worst gossipers around. Gossip girls have got nothing on gossiping boys. I am sure some would disagree on who does it more or worse, but I guess it depends.

As I was getting off the bus I was compelled to say something to this girl. What I said wasn’t nice, it was impulsive and a result of what my friends had said about her. It wasn’t like me to say what I said, but the disturbing things were oddly overpowering.

I eventually learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Adriana had actually liked me and wanted to meet me. But, she later told me that what I had said to her so disturbed her that she could never see me the same way again.

What my friends had told me was bogus. Fabrications of rumors they had heard and one of them had already tried to ask her to the school dance and had been turned down. Actually, most of the boys on the bus that day were just agreeing with the one who started talking about her, because, they didn’t know squat, she’d only been in town less than a week. Hardly enough time to create any kind of reputation.

I wonder what would have been if I had not been so compulsive and impulsive, if I had got to know her on my own and not been influenced by what someone else wanted me to think about her? It’s a rather sad story, but like I said, a very valuable lesson learned.

For whatever reasons, insecurities, dislikes, jealousy or whatever, some people, especially young kids on the back of the bus, want others to share their opinion of certain people. A lot of us just don’t take the time to get know people to find out who they really are, we take for granted that the gossip is true. Most times, we are the worst for it and miss out on something special.

I did get to push Adriana on the swings one autumn evening, then she met someone who treated her right from the start who wasn’t influence by those supposed friends of mine.

When I first met Joan someone told me she was out of my league, well, maybe she was, but she fell in love with me anyway – good thing I had already learned my lesson… don’tcha think?

Has this happened to you? If not, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

~Bryan

Catalina Magee October 9, 2009 at 8:28 pm

Ahh, that was such a nice,thoughtful,interesting,educational and kinda sad story…I like stories like these for teenagers nowadays. Not only they get a message out of the sad part of the story, but they also can get a message out of the happy part! Also they actually can get to finally read something useful on the internet, other than whatever the childish stuff they`re doing.LOL. Love the ending of it! I love happy endings;) Great job!

Bryan Hutchinson October 10, 2009 at 9:42 am

Hi Cat! Thanks, I love happy endings too. But, darn, I felt like a complete idiot for quite some time.

Barb October 10, 2009 at 5:27 am

I’d bet that they figured she was too hot to want anything to do with them so they decided to reject her (and get others to reject her) before she could reject them. I hate gossips even when they are repeating the truth.

You should write a fictional account of that showing your and her viewpoints in a scenario like that. We already know you have a great, easy to understand writing style. A little novel geared toward tweens and young teens would probably do well.

Bryan Hutchinson October 10, 2009 at 9:44 am

You’ve figured right Barb :)

I like your idea. I am kind of working on a fictional story at the moment. Writing non-fiction comes naturally and fiction takes a lot more work than I had thought, but I am working on it…. its cute though, that much I can promise you :)

Nicole Etler October 10, 2009 at 9:40 am

Love the story and love your honesty, most men woud be too proud to admit this. It’s so true about any life situation, you should never let others influence you too much , always find out about the person yourself first, they could be the greatest edition to your life.
Why don’t you write a book about a love story, you seem to be quite good a it.

Bryan Hutchinson October 10, 2009 at 10:04 am

Hi Nicole,

A love story? It’s interesting you mention this, if I am good at it, it is probably because I am writing about things/situations that I experienced?

Fiction is rather difficult for me to write. However, I did start some non-fictional short stories about romantic relationships in my past and included them in One Boy’s Struggle… remember reading about my relationships with Renee and Jennifer, or Patricia and Joan? Those relationships mean so much to me that it was/is quite natural to write them. Even so, I am writing a fictional story at the moment, it is gaining some momentum and there is some romance involved. I hope you enjoy it when I finally finish it. :)

Bryan

Bryan Hutchinson October 10, 2009 at 11:36 am

I wish I could copy some of the emails I received on this particular post for you all to enjoy, but, no, I won’t. Thanks ladies, seems this post has touched a few of you in ways I didn’t realize when I wrote it…
:)

Cookie October 10, 2009 at 8:39 pm

I’ve always tried not to listen to gossip about other people and pass judgment prior to getting to know that person first, because I always felt like the odd one out and perceived that I was being judged based on my actions. Knowing about the ADD 40+ years later makes me wonder what direction my life would have taken if I’d been dx when I was a kid.

Bryan Hutchinson October 11, 2009 at 7:23 am

I’ve often wondered the same thing Cookie! You are not alone.

Katy B. "Miss K" October 11, 2009 at 3:04 am

Ahhh gossip.

I am a fan of sharing information responsibly. Gossip does NOT fall under this title.

Gossip is a whole other animal. Fabricating information and using it to hurt others…yech.

I had a particularly weird gossip issue last year. I won’t bore you with the details, but I guess it’s the kind of thing that can happen when you are a rather visible citizen in a rather small community. Gossip is always driven by insecurity. Always. And that’s what I reminded myself of…it kept me from “reacting” and feeding the fire…and sure enough, the gossip died a swift and deserved death, due to my passive neglect ;)

Katy B. "Miss K" October 11, 2009 at 3:04 am

Ahhh gossip.

I am a fan of sharing information responsibly. Gossip does NOT fall under this title.

Gossip is a whole other animal. Fabricating information and using it to hurt others…yech.

I had a particularly weird gossip issue last year. I won’t bore you with the details, but I guess it’s the kind of thing that can happen when you are a rather visible citizen in a rather small community. Gossip is always driven by insecurity. Always. And that’s what I reminded myself of…it kept me from “reacting” and feeding the fire…and sure enough, the gossip died a swift and deserved death, due to my passive neglect ;)

Katy B. "Miss K" October 11, 2009 at 3:04 am

Ahhh gossip.

I am a fan of sharing information responsibly. Gossip does NOT fall under this title.

Gossip is a whole other animal. Fabricating information and using it to hurt others…yech.

I had a particularly weird gossip issue last year. I won’t bore you with the details, but I guess it’s the kind of thing that can happen when you are a rather visible citizen in a rather small community. Gossip is always driven by insecurity. Always. And that’s what I reminded myself of…it kept me from “reacting” and feeding the fire…and sure enough, the gossip died a swift and deserved death, due to my passive neglect ;)

Bryan Hutchinson October 11, 2009 at 7:18 am

Ah, yes, Katy, “information sharing”… gossip, (or at least from those who are good at it), always comes disguised as information sharing. It’s being smart enough and aware enough to dissect the gossip from the truth. Those boys on the back of the bus knew pertinent enough info about her to devise a good enough message which could easily be construed as the truth – in so much as they knew where she lived, what kind of car her parents drove etc… etc… the best gossipers take the information that is verifiable and then modify it just enough to fit their needs. Heck, you’re in the legal profession; you know this better than I do! Bad gossipers are easy to identify because they come across as ranting, but then more often than not, they are being honest…. Odd isn’t it, not to mention perplexing, so, in any event the message is: find out for one’s self and don’t rely on someone else’s interpretation, especially when they have a message they want you to agree with or fall for.

sherry October 11, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Well I definetly have to get this off my chest. I was that new girl in school every year of my high school years. The girls always were so jealous and said really nasty things sometimes. And the boys they started in to until I decided to take shop class one year,I was making a night stand and boy did I have alot of help with that . I got to know the guys and then finally my senior year I finally felt comfortable in my own skin . And found out Jealousy is root of all evil.

Bryan Hutchinson October 11, 2009 at 9:45 pm

Hi Sherry, you know, this particular post sparked a few emails which are quite similar to your comment; however, don’t quite have the positive outcome that you ended up having. When people become the target of certain gossipers’ life can become rather difficult, even if the gossip is known to be bogus, it certainly can affect self-esteem, especially in the younger years… Yes, jealousy is a nasty creature, indeed!

Katy B. "Miss K" October 12, 2009 at 1:56 am

“the best gossipers take the information that is verifiable and then modify it just enough to fit their needs. Heck, you’re in the legal profession; you know this better than I do!”

HAHA…true. Hey now…attorneys can only use “facts” to construct their arguments ;) Amazing how moral flexibility can make even “facts” seem brand new!

Bryan Hutchinson October 12, 2009 at 7:39 am

Tis true, but, actually, I was talking about the clients more than the attorneys… wading between truth and fiction, deciding what is a deception and what is reality, following verifiable facts, with those that are given on word alone… oh the line one must walk :) but that is for another blog, somewhere else, because that could go on forever… lol

Katy B. "Miss K" October 12, 2009 at 1:56 am

“the best gossipers take the information that is verifiable and then modify it just enough to fit their needs. Heck, you’re in the legal profession; you know this better than I do!”

HAHA…true. Hey now…attorneys can only use “facts” to construct their arguments ;) Amazing how moral flexibility can make even “facts” seem brand new!

Katy B. "Miss K" October 12, 2009 at 1:56 am

“the best gossipers take the information that is verifiable and then modify it just enough to fit their needs. Heck, you’re in the legal profession; you know this better than I do!”

HAHA…true. Hey now…attorneys can only use “facts” to construct their arguments ;) Amazing how moral flexibility can make even “facts” seem brand new!

Barb October 12, 2009 at 4:41 am

I’m glad you are writing the book. I will definitely read it. I really enjoyed One Boy’s Struggle.

This is what I teach my kids. Even when gossip is totally true, you are only hurting the person more than they already are hurting. If that girl had been like they said, she must have had very low self esteem and needed friends to help her feel good about herself and help her learn to fit in without having to be promiscuous or whatever other negative behavior was being manifest.

Its so easy to cut others down, even losers can do that, but it takes a strong person to help them crawl out of the gutter.

Bryan Hutchinson October 12, 2009 at 7:23 am

Very good point Barb – what if part of, or, all of the gossip is true? I think this is rare; however, deserves due consideration. In that case, yes, the better person may counsel or better yet, become a friend. The easy way is to cut down, pick apart and inflict punishment, the higher road brings with it lasting rewards and friendship.

Excellent point, thank you!

Bryan

Scott Hutson October 25, 2009 at 2:19 pm

If only I could “go back in time” and repair the damage I did to people, when I would assume there was truth in what others would say about a girl.

I know they (the girls) most likely believed some of of the rumors, that were going around about me.

I “acted” much different than what I truly was.

Katy B. October 26, 2009 at 6:48 pm

People can be really mean…especially young people. I’m not saying that young people are all liars and gossipers, just that sometimes a little life-experience gives people the perspective to not believe everything they hear…and not REPEAT everything they hear…

Scott Hutson October 29, 2009 at 12:53 am

Bryan,

We have something in common (besides ADD). We are lucky to have someone that love’s us!

Even though we learned the hard way. We are not able to make someone love us. We just learned how to see it. Sometimes “Late” is truly better than “Never”!

Scott.

Bryan Hutchinson October 29, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Indeed Scott, indeed…!

BTW: Great to see you join us on our ADDer World Network!!
:)

Bryan

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