If you are in a relationship, especially in a marriage and you have ADHD, or your spouse has ADHD, or even if both of you have ADHD, Melissa’s book is one of the best books I have read for solving and overcoming relationship issues which are caused by, or influenced by ADHD. ADHD isn’t going away, but it is manageable and it doesn’t have to be the end all, be all of any relationship. However, to deny ADHD or try to ignore it, that my friends and neighbors leads to a never ending spiral of confusion, disillusions and heartbreak. Melissa’s book The ADHD Effect on Marriage can and will help you.
As I have written many times, one of the major problems with relationships involving a person with ADHD is that we all too often are in relationships we shouldn’t be in. I have been there and there isn’t a book in the world that could have saved such relationships. There are many reasons for being in the wrong relationship; one of the most prominent reasons is being impulsive without truly getting to know someone. People are shiny too! Before you know it the person with ADHD and the relationship partner are in deep and either figure it out and move on, or try to make something of it, because, well, there had to be something that attracted them to be together in the first place, right? The struggle, though, can become overwhelming because of the ADHD implications and the other fact that perhaps love isn’t the reason the relationship has come together. Too many assume that because two people come together then somehow, someway it must work and eventually disenchantment and resentment set it. But, what if you really are with the right person, both of you know it, and you need help because ADHD is destroying your relationship? Then you have found the right book!
There is an inherent problem with many books written about ADHD, especially those books written for the non-ADDer partner. The problem is they come across as negative towards the ADDer or tend to blame every problem within a relationship on the person with ADHD. I don’t get either of those impressions from Melissa’s book, as a matter of fact I get the opposite, which is that Melissa truly cares about both partners and genuinely wants to help couples and, help, my friends, she does! She has written a book that gently, but directly gets to the heart of the matter. She’s filled the pages with tips, suggestions, experiences and her own real life relationship issues with her husband. If you have ADHD, you will enjoy the part where Melissa talks about how her husband (the ADDer) is always trying to modify and improve her bike, it’s his way to show her how much he loves her and cares about her. It is very clear that Melissa and her husband are in the right relationship, have found solutions to make it work and ADHD can’t stop them. She shares all of this and more with us.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage is a wonderful, indispensable book for the ADDer World, filled with genuine methods that work. I have written time and time again that I had to visit 4 or 5 therapists until I found the right one for me, who I felt comfortable with and knew could help me. If I ever need a marriage consultant, Melissa’s the one I would pick. For now, I’ve got her book!
About Melissa Orlov:
As a marriage consultant, Orlov helps couples from around the world rebalance their relationships so they can learn to thrive. It is rewarding work to be able to provide the insight and direction couples need to move past their anger and hurt and rediscover the joy they thought they had lost forever.
Ms. Orlov is a cum laude graduate of Harvard College. In her free time she enjoys road biking, summers at Chautauqua Institution, and singing. She and her husband of 20+ years have two children.