Wow, what an overwhelming response from the new PDF I sent out yesterday! Thank you to all of you who responded with comments and suggestions!! Okay, I changed up the document because many of you had nearly the same suggestions. I included some of the more ‘controversial‘ articles and what seem the current favorites: Is it ADHD or bad luck & Is Sex important to someone with ADHD?. Those of you that wrote me mentioned these articles would make you more likely to share the file with others. I also included the quote that I have on my blog – it was interesting that several mentioned it; I didn’t realize it was so popular Here’s the updated file:
Why does it seem that too many people with ADHD come to a point in their relationship that they seek an affair, or simply find themselves in the midst of overly fantasizing about having an affair? This doesn’t apply to everyone and yet, there seems to be a growing number of mid-aged ADDers fooling around while married or in a long term relationship. What gives?
It seemed like a good relationship. Yes, it had some ups and downs, what relationship doesn’t?
I have a theory about some affairs and people with ADHD. Actually, I have several theories, but in this post I am going to try to keep it to just one of them. Remember though, it’s just my theory and, like I said, it doesn’t cover every affair.
Not really. Physical sex that is, it is nearly irrelevant. You wouldn’t think so, because, well, we probably think of sex more than we think of anything else. However, we don’t think of physical sex that much, not in that way. Do you doubt me? Then read on.
Our inherent definition of sex is entirely different than what we think sex should be. I mean to say that what marketers, advertisers and movies, TV and magazines show us what sex should be, isn’t what we define sex to be. And you know what – sex in of itself is uninspiring for someone with ADHD, and yet, for someone who doesn’t have ADHD, I have heard tell that that having sex, physically and emotionally, with someone who has ADHD can be the best sexual experience they have ever had, the first few times, that is. Have you heard this too?
Not all relationships with an ADDer are harsh and not all relationships are doomed to failure. However, there seems to me to be a relating factor in most the messages I read across the internet by other ADDers. It goes like this – the relationship starts off great and then after a while the sparks and fireworks tend to wear off and the ADDer becomes bored. We say things like the other person didn’t help me, motivate me, validate me and the number 1 complaint is that he or she did not excite me anymore.
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t a relationship about two people? Isn’t there more involved than just the other person pleasing us all the time, doing what we need and want? Yes, relationships do change after a couple years as two people get relaxed around each other, that is natural, and yet difficult for some ADDers to transition into.
I write about relationships quite a bit, I like to write about them and I hope what I have written has meant something for those who read my articles.
The ADD ADHD mind is very complex and not everyone is the same, we can relate on a lot of levels and in a lot of situations and I believe when it comes to relationships we relate quite well with each other too.
A frequent question I am asked is how to get over past relationships, especially the relationships which never make it off the ground. That’s a tough question. First of all, I don’t know if ‘getting over’ the past is the right way to look at this. I am sure you, just like me, have been told time and again to just get over something, let it go or forget about it. Don’t you just love that? Not too helpful is it? “Just get over it” and presto it’s gone, wiped from your mind never to rear its ugly head ever again! If you have ADD ADHD you know it is not as simple as that, it’s not and frankly I don’t think it’s that simple for anyone when it comes to a past situation that has significant emotional impact.
I consider this part to be of the utmost importance for us ADDers. In the previous article I talked about asking questions, being interested, but I did not mean just appear to be interested. People appreciate, respect and even love those who pay attention to them with purposeful interest. I am talking legitimate interest here, not stalker interest.
Don’t you just hate it when you are talking and talking, expressing yourself and baring your soul and all the while you think the other person cares and then later, when you bring up a previous point, the other person has a deer in the headlight look, which means he or she was not listening? That’s pretty rude, don’t you think?
That’s easy to say, but some relationships with ADDers get off to such an exciting start it takes a major act of will power to stop and smell the flowers every once in a while. If a relationship with an ADDer is to be healthy and last, smelling the flowers might be the most important thing a couple can do for each other, especially at the beginning.
Fear of failure and fear of revealing too much can be a motivational factor for an ADDer to not slow down and keep the hot fires roaring just to avoid giving anything of his or her real self. And yet we wonder why in the world relationships don’t work and why they keep ending without substance.
One of the most familiar things all ADD ADHD relationships seem to have in common is that they most always have a very exciting beginning. Once the initial meeting has happened and two people connect, that’s when it is full speed ahead and it might be months, even years before the two involved catch a breath and actually get to know each other. This might be the most fantastic time in their lives, but it could also be very dangerous.
I received a few emails from these last few articles concerning relationships and it was asked that I give more details and give clearer explanations of the ‘signs’ that I missed. I am going to try and do that a bit here in today’s post. But first let me explain a bit about what I am trying to do with my blog and writing about my life with Attention Deficit Disorder. It is my attempt to help others by writing openly about my experiences and allowing you to take from my writing what you will.
"One Boy’s Struggle is a real eye-opener. It should be read by all parents struggling to understand how best to support their ADHD children. Adults with ADHD will likely find validation and new hope from reading Bryan’s story.” ~Dr. Edward Hallowell
CHADD Educator of the Year for 2010, Dr. Katherine Nell Mcneil, "Highly recommends" One Boy’s Struggle
“A very brave and moving memoir.” Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Katherine Ellison, author of 'Buzz'.
"Gripping account of both the struggles and positive polarities of ADD written beautifully in a honest, open and courageous manner." David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
"Anyone with ADD or with friends, loved ones or colleagues with ADD will be informed and touched by Bryan’s book." Bryan Robinson Ph.D. author of 'The Art of Confident Living'
Thank you!
It is an honor to have written a book that is meaning so much and benefiting so many. It is my hope that one day ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’ will be read by every teacher and parent, as well as read by every adult with ADHD. If you own a copy and have read it, please consider passing it on, loan it out to friends, a support group or donating it to your local library.
All material provided within this website is opinion only, and is not to be construed as medical advice, instruction or direction of any kind. No action should be taken solely on the contents of this website. Visit a health care professional before making any decisions about your health.
Here’s the updated file:
A frequent question I am asked is how to get over past relationships, especially the relationships which never make it off the ground. That’s a tough question. First of all, I don’t know if ‘getting over’ the past is the right way to look at this. I am sure you, just like me, have been told time and again to just get over something, let it go or forget about it. Don’t you just love that? Not too helpful is it? “Just get over it” and presto it’s gone, wiped from your mind never to rear its ugly head ever again! If you have ADD ADHD you know it is not as simple as that, it’s not and frankly I don’t think it’s that simple for anyone when it comes to a past situation that has significant emotional impact.
