Let’s face it, we are all just a tad too serious most of the time and we take ourselves just a little too seriously. When you are under constant threats, deadlines, making the grade or trying to improve yourself, it’s hard to let your hair down and relax, but sometimes I think that is exactly what we need to do.
I am learning to relax, chill-out and not take things so dog-gone seriously. We can get way too caught up in all the things we want to do and the goals we set for ourselves that when it looks like we are not going to achieve something, anything, it becomes the biggest let down ever, you know, like EVER – the sky is falling and quickly too! Let’s just take a moment and breathe. Take that deep breath in and hold it for a few seconds, then let it out slowly. See how much better everything is? Well, it might take a few times, but don’t hold your breath too long.
In love and happiness, for better or worse, in sadness and sorrow.
The days go by, countless they pass. I remember the days gone by, the walks late at night and your glistening hair in the moon light. I remember those days. I remember running across a bridge to capture your heart as you captured mine.
For better or worse, I may be flawed, but I love you.
I never thought there was a love so strong, so powerful. I never thought someone could capture me in rapture and delight, in pain and misery and in happiness and laughter. Life is all of those things, as is love. And love, my dear, is life. Without your love I was lost, with your love I have been found.
I have written posts indicating that ADHD is not always the culprit in a broken relationship. I sincerely do not believe everything and anything is the fault, or should be blamed on an ADHD partner.
However, with that said:
ADHD can have devastating effects on relationships. I don’t think that’s a secret. Still, if anyone with ADHD is in a relationship and has avoided seeking help or proper treatment, or has been uncertain if doing so will help, then my best suggestion is to seek treatment because, yes, your ADHD could certainly be the cause of relationship hardships, or it could be complicating an otherwise beautiful, worth-it relationship.
Diagnosis with proper treatment will not only help make relationships better and more fulfilling, but proper treatment can make one’s entire life more rewarding and satisfying.
Diagnosis with proper treatment equals more out of life!
True love, with the right person, at the right time, as unpredictable as that may be, can be, and I believe is, the best self-medication the universe has ever created!
The last month or so I have been writing rather frequently about love, relationships and the connection to us ADDers in general, from my point of view. I don’t know exactly why I started this indulgence; therefore, to answer a lot of emails in one post, the answer I come up with, and believe the closest to my true motivation, is that I enjoy it. I take pleasure in writing about love and relationship, probably more than I enjoy writing about anything else. It’s self-indulgence, I know. Forgive me.
It seems though, that many of you have found connections in the posts I write and that means a lot to me.
In relationships there’s a lot of give and take. You give some, you take some and you give some more. It’s a simple and necessary principle of reciprocation.
The above sentence could just about start out any relationship book, but it’s not a very good starting point for a book about ADHD, love, relationships and sex – you know, together. ADHD brings something to a relationship which is unpredictable, frustrating and exciting and, even a bit intimidating from time to time.
I think it is a good guess that most people would enjoy stability in their relationship, with someone who is dependable, reliable and in this way somewhat predictable. However, although people with ADHD can be dependable and reliable to a degree, they can hardly be predictable, at least not from month to month and especially not from year to year.
Here’s a top ten list I have put together of things to do and NOT do with your ADHD partner:
Do not:
Do not play parent (motherly or fatherly)
Do not take on the sole responsibility of trying to correct his or her behavior
Do not blame every aspect of the relationship which might be damaged on his or her ADHD
Do not make statements which are demeaning with the hope that it will spark his or her attention that they must make corrective efforts.
Do not say things like: “This is the right way to do this or that.” Or “That’s not the way things should be done.”
Do not take his or her hyper focusing on projects or people, places or things personally. Hyper focusing is not about your relationship directly or indirectly, it’s a difficult to control or much less, predict, trait of ADHD.
Have you ever stayed up nights, wondering why - why can’t I be loved?
ADHD often seems like a bittersweet reality.
Many of us are creative, we are exciting and we can find things to do when the rest of those around us are bored out of their minds and yet, and this is the part that hurts, no matter how exciting we may be, how much we can liven up a boring moment for others, or how creative we may be, we all too often still feel lonely. So lonely, and then it comes, like a shadow from the dark corner, it spreads so slowly, then wraps itself around us, at first it feels warm and comforting, but it is not an afterglow, it is sadness, which after time may become misery.
Have you ever had relationships, so strong, so powerful, and ever so meaningful, that after that special person, or people, left, parts of yourself left too?
There are times when you can still feel them nearby, as if they are right there – you can almost touch them, but only, only, almost – fleetingly, across the sky, like a shooting star or a floating cloud.
When we are alone, unexpectedly, we may start thinking about them for no reason at all and, we miss them so deeply, so much it hurts ever so painfully, it brings tears to our eyes and we wonder why – ?
Just this topic alone, it brings up their memories so vividly.
Who doesn’t want to fall in love forever? Who doesn’t want to meet that perfect person, that person who makes us feel whole, that person who makes us feel wonderful and beautiful?
Who doesn’t want to meet that person, you know who I am talking about, that person who understands who we are inside, who understands our ways of doing things, who understands the whys, the how’s and the frustrations, the temptations and the never ending contemplations?!
Who doesn’t? Who doesn’t want to meet that perfect, accepting person?
Out there, in the word, somewhere, that person is there, looking too, for acceptance, understanding and compassion, sympathy and reliability. We believe that, we have to - if we don’t – what else is there? Nothing else seems to matter, but then…
"One Boy’s Struggle is a real eye-opener. It should be read by all parents struggling to understand how best to support their ADHD children. Adults with ADHD will likely find validation and new hope from reading Bryan’s story.” ~Dr. Edward Hallowell
CHADD Educator of the Year for 2010, Dr. Katherine Nell Mcneil, "Highly recommends" One Boy’s Struggle
“A very brave and moving memoir.” Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Katherine Ellison, author of 'Buzz'.
"Gripping account of both the struggles and positive polarities of ADD written beautifully in a honest, open and courageous manner." David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
"Anyone with ADD or with friends, loved ones or colleagues with ADD will be informed and touched by Bryan’s book." Bryan Robinson Ph.D. author of 'The Art of Confident Living'
Thank you!
I just want to add a special thank you to all those who have read ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’. Thanks to you it has become one of the top selling books for my publisher, this means that it is reaching people all over the world.
It is an honor to have written a book that is meaning so much and benefiting so many. It is my hope that one day ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’ will be read by every teacher and parent, as well as read by every adult with ADHD. If you own a copy and have read it, please consider passing it on, loan it out to friends, a support group or donating it to your local library.
All material provided within this website is opinion only, and is not to be construed as medical advice, instruction or direction of any kind. No action should be taken solely on the contents of this website. Visit a health care professional before making any decisions about your health.
