Should I have a child or should I not have a child, that is the question.

And I have an answer:

Thanks, but no thanks. Or, to be clearer: No, I do not want to have a cute, little adorable one of my own; I do not want to nurture or raise a baby of my own.

This question has come up more times than I can remember and my answer has always been the same. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I have felt a little sentimental and thought, oh what would it have been like to raise a small child into an adult, but then as soon as someone says ‘Hey, you’re not too old’ well, that just ruins the whole thing for me and I remember, quite quickly in fact, that I do not want to have a baby. Nope. Yes, accidents happen, but ADHD or not, I am clever enough to not let such an accident happen. There are some things I can focus on quite well.

Have you ever wondered about what success means to you? I mean, what it really means? Not just the definition, but rather what it feels like to be successful, to achieve something of significant relevance to you? I think for people with ADHD, like me and maybe you, the very word and the meaning of success is alien. We have read about it and heard about it and yet, rarely have we identified with it.

Are you successful?

 If that seems like a loaded question, it’s not, but I think to a lot of us, it seems that there may be some hidden implication within the question itself. If you say yes, then you are lying and displaying conceitedness! How dare you! Bow your head in proper shame. That’s not the voice from someone else; as a matter of fact it’s not a voice at all. It’s a perception that many of us have. It’s a rather solid perception too, because without hesitation we can back it up with a long list of failures that will cut us to the quick faster than we can even think. But, there’s more to it.

Impulsivity can lead to disaster due to blurting out thoughts never meant to be spoken.

Thoughts race through our minds, here, there and back again. Some thoughts don’t mean much, they just race by and have no concrete meaning, but every now and then, in the heat of a moment or in uncontrolled haste, some thoughts never meant to be said slip out and, as much as we would like to and as much as we try to explain and apologize, we can’t take them back.

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Sorry I haven’t had the time to write as much as I would like lately. The new book has captured a lot more of my time than I thought it would and now that it is near completion, I really don’t have a clue what to write about at the moment. Hopefully, that’s just a phase? Have you finished a major project and then kind of wondered around a while wondering what to do next and it seems as though there’s nothing else to do? That’s kind of where I am at.

For the new book Joan and I wanted to include a few pictures for very specific places within it. You get to see a selection we are considering in this post. Please tell us which one’s you like best. We want you to have a part in this book. Next week we reveal the completed cover, which was accomplished with the assistance of members’ suggestions!

Have you ever shown brilliance and extraordinary talent and yet less talented peers passed you in the long run?

In any endeavor, sports, dating, work and even tinkering in a hobby with the hopes of accomplishing anything, there is nothing more important than mastering basics and fundamentals. Undoubtedly, you’ve heard this before, but do you really know what this means – especially in the context of ADD and ADHD?

You can have incredible talent mixed with ADHD risk taking and impulsivity and you can do absolutely amazing things which blow the minds of any spectators, but at the end of the day, most times you will fall short of your desired outcome, you will lose! You will fall flat on your face. And, it will hurt! Sorry, I know that is painful to read, but you and me, we know it’s true. Don’t we?

Here’s a top ten list I have put together of things to do and NOT do with your ADHD partner:

Do not:

1. Do not play parent (motherly or fatherly)
2. Do not take on the sole responsibility of trying to correct his or her behavior
3. Do not blame every aspect of the relationship which might be damaged on his or her ADHD
4. Do not make statements which are demeaning with the hope that it will spark his or her attention that they must make corrective efforts.
5. Do not say things like: “This is the right way to do this or that.” Or “That’s not the way things should be done.”
6. Do not take his or her hyper focusing on projects or people, places or things personally. Hyper focusing is not about your relationship directly or indirectly, it’s a difficult to control or much less, predict, trait of ADHD.

This is by far the best video on ADHD, what it really is, that I have watched. It’s nearly an hour long, but it is well worth your time, which will pass much faster than you expect thanks to Patrick’s charming tour. The last few minutes will be especially helpful to anyone worried about the safety of ADHD medication and why it’s worth it to be treated properly. Here’s the link to the video (wish I could embed it here):

Click here to go watch the video!

Thanks to Brian, a member of our ADDer World ADHD Social Network for pointing out this video to me and our members! And thank you Patrick McKenna for making this video for the rest of us!

Dr. Charles Parker is working on one of the most important books which will be published in this time of need. He is writing a comprehensive book about ADHD medications for you, the one who needs it most. There’s so much confusion out there, there’s so much contradicting information and some of us fear the medication which could help us move to the next level, or at least organize a few of those piles. Chuck sent me a link yesterday and asked me to share it with you. Sign up to be notified when his new book The Patient’s Guide for ADHD Medications is published.

When you sign up to be notified about his book’s release you will receive a white paper about ADHD medications, here’s the outline of that paper:

• This paper is a comprehensive outline of my forthcoming book

Since I have started this blog and published my first book One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir, the most frequent and prevalent inquires I have received have been about hyper focusing. Most have been from people who want to control it in some way. Anyone, with or without ADHD can control their ability to focus at will. I truly believe that. For those of us with ADHD it is far more challenging; however, when it is achieved at will, it can be repeated and eventually harnessed – if you are willing to take the steps to get there! The ‘willing‘ (motivation) part can get in our way, especially if you have ADHD; therefore, this eBook is written specifically with that in mind.

Dr. Nancy, thank you for offering to answer my questions concerning ADHD and Hypnosis. There are so many topics one can cover and so many treatments available, but I have to admit, hypnosis is something which has always intrigued me, especially concerning myself and the condition of ADHD.

Dr. Nancy Irwin is a renowned doctor of psychology and clinical hypnotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles.  She is also a public speaker on a variety of topics, including hypnosis the power of the subconscious mind.  She is also the author of a nonfiction: YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE (http://www.makeayou-turn.comyou-turn.com), and is a frequent media expert, having appeared on CNBC, Bravo, CBS, as well as scores of radio shows and mentions in The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, msnbc.com, The Rachel Maddow Show, The Huffington Post, and more.