Lately I have been reading a lot about the strength based approach to managing, coping and, more importantly, striving and thriving with ADHD! It’s a contagious, positive and wonderful new movement and I like to think I have been a small part of helping push this movement into the forefront by writing my blog, my books and eBooks.
I really like his use of ADHD! It’s a new way of looking at ADHD. We can talk about the difficulties, the challenges and the disadvantages of ADHD all day long. We can read about and study what the science tells us and what the statistics show us, but there’s one thing I have noticed, and that is that those who believe in and live by their strengths, whereby one uses what they can do well to their advantage seem to be happier and live more fulfilling lives.
How do you define success with ADHD? When I hear the word success I wonder what each person defines it as. I have always said success is what you define it. Here are 6 things I now have the opportunity to define as success with ADHD for me:
Paid the monthly bills on time. I have automatic payments, so I don’t have to worry about most of them. There are other payments I have the opportunity to pay on time by making it to the bank on time, and I do for the most part.
Made it to most of my appointments on time. It’s awesome when I am there 5 minutes early and have the opportunity to unwind first. The key is using my appointment calendar on my Smartphone and setting multiple alarms and not making appointments I may not need.
It’s true that with acceptance for who we are, and all which that encompasses, can we learn, overcome and thrive to achieve whatever kind of wonderful is for us. Far too often I read or hear people with ADHD berating themselves, putting themselves down and cursing ADHD, which is as much a part of who they are as anything else. Now, I am not saying ADHD doesn’t give us reasons to be ticked off, upset and feel dejected. Oh, it clearly does! But, you know what? No amount of self-deprecation will take ADHD away or force one’s self to be better or different or, heaven forbid, normal. It’s somewhat along the lines of a teacher scolding a child with ADHD with the intent that he can make the child realize that she is just lazy and, if she wants to enough, she can be normal and function in normal ‘accepted’ ways.
Have you noticed that ADHD and Success and Happiness are not synonymous?
Why aren’t they?
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Between the above parentheses is all the space allotted to you for giving an explanation as to why ADHD and Success and happiness are not synonymous! Doesn’t seem like that is a fair enough amount of space? Then read on.
Since we all love rules so much, here are some rules for this exercise:
1st: The first rule is that you may only go by your personal definition of success and happiness. (If you don’t have one, that could pose as a problem, but perhaps this assignment will free you enough to create your very own, personal definition.)
Have you noticed that adult ADHD is making more news lately? As a matter of fact I just read that approximately 65% of children with ADHD will grow into adults with ADHD, or rather ADD. I personally suspect that the percentage is much higher. It’s impossible to know how many adults are wondering around undiagnosed, but it’s estimated to be in the millions. I was diagnosed when I was 37 and in recent years I have met a remarkable number of adults diagnosed at a later age, some cases much later. This of course lends to the belief that ADHD isn’t real. How can so many people have it? I don’t know, but we do.
Have you ever wondered about what success means to you? I mean, what it really means? Not just the definition, but rather what it feels like to be successful, to achieve something of significant relevance to you? I think for people with ADHD, like me and maybe you, the very word and the meaning of success is alien. We have read about it and heard about it and yet, rarely have we identified with it.
Are you successful?
If that seems like a loaded question, it’s not, but I think to a lot of us, it seems that there may be some hidden implication within the question itself. If you say yes, then you are lying and displaying conceitedness! How dare you! Bow your head in proper shame. That’s not the voice from someone else; as a matter of fact it’s not a voice at all. It’s a perception that many of us have. It’s a rather solid perception too, because without hesitation we can back it up with a long list of failures that will cut us to the quick faster than we can even think. But, there’s more to it.
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What would it be like to scale the highest mountain?
What would it be like to catch the rose before the curtains close?
What would it be like to stand on the podium in triumph and listen to the crowd adore your accomplishment, to be applauding you?
Yes, you!
What would it be like?
Can you hear them?
Listen, listen closely.
What would it be like to come home after a successful day, not having made too many mistakes, not having forgotten an appointment, not having been chastised or punished?
What would it be like to sit down, open your books and diligently work on your homework and finish it too?
Listen, listen closely.
Can you hear them now?
Take a moment, relax, and cut the chatter in your mind, focus.
When one starts writing an online blog, there should be a box to click that asks us to agree to the fact that once you start a blog there comes with it great responsibility, especially when you are writing about an issue that is quickly becoming one of the most important issues of our time: ADHD! The reality is that most people in society as a whole do not know what ADHD is or how it truly affects people with it. Bloggers are helping clarify our personal realities with ADHD by sharing experiences.
It’s not something we want to talk about, it’s not something we want to admit and it is clearly something we are ashamed of. And yet, as much as we already understand our mistakes, our failures and our impulsive mishaps we do it more and more, to the point from which we see no return.
ADHD are symptoms of a magnitude and force which no one, and I mean, no one, who does not have ADHD can truly empathize with, because, no matter how well they understand our symptoms and can explain them with detailed clarity, they do not live with them as part of their self-internal life force. And, as much as each of us relates so well with each other that have ADHD, there are even differences between us that elude our recognition – no matter how familiar we are with each other, and, we are, remarkably, naturally familiar with each other. This is the reason that our personal stories and our personal insights help each other so much.
"One Boy’s Struggle is a real eye-opener. It should be read by all parents struggling to understand how best to support their ADHD children. Adults with ADHD will likely find validation and new hope from reading Bryan’s story.” ~Dr. Edward Hallowell
CHADD Educator of the Year for 2010, Dr. Katherine Nell Mcneil, "Highly recommends" One Boy’s Struggle
“A very brave and moving memoir.” Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Katherine Ellison, author of 'Buzz'.
"Gripping account of both the struggles and positive polarities of ADD written beautifully in a honest, open and courageous manner." David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
"Anyone with ADD or with friends, loved ones or colleagues with ADD will be informed and touched by Bryan’s book." Bryan Robinson Ph.D. author of 'The Art of Confident Living'
Thank you!
I just want to add a special thank you to all those who have read ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’. Thanks to you it has become one of the top selling books for my publisher, this means that it is reaching people all over the world.
It is an honor to have written a book that is meaning so much and benefiting so many. It is my hope that one day ‘One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir’ will be read by every teacher and parent, as well as read by every adult with ADHD. If you own a copy and have read it, please consider passing it on, loan it out to friends, a support group or donating it to your local library.
All material provided within this website is opinion only, and is not to be construed as medical advice, instruction or direction of any kind. No action should be taken solely on the contents of this website. Visit a health care professional before making any decisions about your health.
It’s true that with acceptance for who we are, and all which that encompasses, can we learn, overcome and thrive to achieve whatever kind of wonderful is for us. Far too often I read or hear people with ADHD berating themselves, putting themselves down and cursing ADHD, which is as much a part of who they are as anything else. Now, I am not saying ADHD doesn’t give us reasons to be ticked off, upset and feel dejected. Oh, it clearly does! But, you know what? No amount of self-deprecation will take ADHD away or force one’s self to be better or different or, heaven forbid, normal. It’s somewhat along the lines of a teacher scolding a child with ADHD with the intent that he can make the child realize that she is just lazy and, if she wants to enough, she can be normal and function in normal ‘accepted’ ways.
